My Dreams End Here

Most of my life I’ve wanted to become something that I am not. When I was younger at elementary school I wanted to become thin, because I thought that I was to fat. Further I wanted to become a movie-director and make great movies that everyone applauded in ecstasy. I wanted to become a fotball pro and make these brilliant tricks, wherein I fooled all my opponents and finally the goalkeeper. I wanted to become a brilliant ice-hockey goalkeeper, become famous for my amazing saves; having others speak about me in awe, saying that I never ever let the puck into the goal – saying: he’s simply brilliant!

Then I got somewhat older and I began college, or gymnasium as it’s called here in Sweden and now the nature of my dreams changed slightly. Now I wanted to become a master Warcraft III player, which is a computer game for those that do not know. And I wanted to be top-ranked, and I played to reach this goal for several hours everyday; up to 8 hours some day’s.

Then I found another computer game wherein the goal was to develop an online character through fighting and killing monsters. Through doing that you found new weapons, you unlocked new areas, raised in your level and got new type of skills; and when you we’re really good and had a very advanced character with all the latest skills, gears, and levels – you got respect from other online players.

Then as I advanced in my age I started to consume weed – quite heavily. Through doing that my dreams started to change in nature. I also started to play guitar at the same time; and now to my inner eye appeared visions of me sitting in a house in the middle of the woods, smoking weed and playing my guitar. Or I was off to some far away tropical island, filled with beautiful women, lots of weed and musicians that I could play music with. Obviously in my dreams I would become respected for my music, revered even, and I would become exactly as my most loved idols; Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, Freddie Mercury; a star of enormous dimensions!

And then I got out of my school experience and my dreams came to an abrupt end, because you very fast realize that non of your dreams will be fulfilled, as they are only dreams. Though obviously I held on to some of golden acorns, as my most precious dreams; especially the dream of one day becoming a famous musician.

So, it’s interesting when one look at the dreams that I’ve had during my lifetime, as they have all consisted out of one thing only: winning. And my dreams might have offered some slight nuances as to how this winning might be experienced, as fame, success, adventure, sex, power; but always it’s been a question about a positive energy that I would experience, and that would be given to me through having the attention of others,

In all of my dreams I was never the source. All my dreams required people to look at me and define me as that which I sought to be; except maybe my desire to be in a cabin in the woods and smoke weed – yet within that dream I still wanted a cabin. Anyway – what can be concluded is that my dreams were never about me, but they were about me having something that I didn’t have – just as I said in the beginning.

It’s fascinating. All my life I’ve wanted to be something else but what I am here, and what I experience here.

Why? What’s the point of wanting something, or desiring something that isn’t here? To live like that is such an extreme self-limitation, because one will never be satisfied with oneself – and all the time run towards the new mirage that apparently hold the dreams of self fulfilled.

It’s really stupid. All type of dreaming is stupid, as it takes you away from what is real, and places you in position of having to reach something before you’ll be able to enjoy yourself and be satisfied with yourself.

The solution is breath. Never accepting and allowing self to wander of in the mind and create such expectations, ideas and dreams. Standing firm by one’s understanding that nothing will ever come from a dream. Fulfillment will never be achieved through thinking, desiring, longing and urging for something that isn’t here – obviously. It’ll never be here, that’s why it’s called a dream.

It’s just like heaven – dreams that is. Because through participating in dreams we separate ourselves from what actually matters – which is matter. And we become numb to that which offers actual fulfillment, which is living here one and equal as matter – filling ourselves up with substance.

That is the secret to ending consumerism, as always wanting more, more and more – we fill ourselves up with what’s already here and realize we don’t, and we never needed anything more but ourselves, as matter.

I stop the game, as the search for fame, and as the bitterness and blame, that arrives with the train, when you realize you’ll not win but only be one of the same. To be the same as everyone else isn’t bad – we are that already. We’re all of the dust, and of the earth, and dreams, superstars, famous people and successful people; they are but mirages attempting to convince themselves as well as others that they are something above the rest.

Dreams can only exist when one believe there is something above what’s here, and a belief can only exist when one participate in the mind. As such – the simple solution for self-fulfillment is to stop the mind and consequently return to the physical.

End fame – End the Game.

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