Drive is a movie, newly released and is at the moment, this year of 2012, running on the cinema screens of the world. It’s an action movie, yet with many slow and poetic scenes, vibrant colors, and many well thought through scenic compositions; it’s all in all a very well made movie – which you can see someone has spent a lot of time developing and creating.
Though, I am not going to supply you with anything more of a review than that, because the following pages will be dedicated to self-reflection, through using the main-character of the movie “Driver” – I had many thought-based reactions while watching this character and these will hereby be investigated.
1. What is self-reflection?
Thus – firstly – a short explanation as to the why I am looking at my experience as thoughts, feelings and emotions towards the main character “Driver”; our real experience of ourselves is mostly suppressed and hidden beneath ideas and beliefs of ourselves – thus, as an example, we might think we’re cool with bullies, yet in reality, we fear bullies, as we fear becoming bullied, but we don’t admit this to ourselves. Our experiences that are suppressed and hidden will then come popping up in the shape and form of projections, as us having thoughts, and emotional reactions towards others behaviors, or experiences, or living-situations. This is why movies is a great tool for self-reflection – as these creations give us a window into “another’s life” – or into a particular situation, or moment that can be sensitive and not desirable to be experienced in real life – and with a movie the opportunity to experience such a moment or person, and see what this triggers within us is able to be experienced from the comfort of our tv-sofas – which is great; and whenever a reaction, or thought pop in relation to this “other life” – situation or person – we can bring it back to ourselves and see how this point interacts, and intermingles in our own reality – that we haven’t realized and seen, but instead suppressed and projected unto others.
2. The points to work on:
So let’s get going – the points that I am going to have a look at are in turn as follows:
- “Driver” being the silent type
- “Driver” being the aggressive male-ego type
2.1 “Driver” being the silent type
As I looked on “Driver” interacting with other people, one point of annoyance came up within me frequently, and this was related to the fact that “Driver” was very silent, and held back. If someone spoke to “Driver” – he would stay silent for some seconds, and then answer – and it was this period of time in which “Driver” was silent that annoyed me. I wanted him to answer immediately, and I thought that within him not answering, he was making himself to become helpless, and also that he might make himself seen by others as retarded, because he can’t interact with others in a socially correct manner – thus others might regard him as stupid.
As such – the fear that is revealed within me through bringing this annoyance back to myself, is my own fear of being seen as retarded, and inferior – and not interact with others as what I’ve defined and perceived to be “socially correct” – which would be to answer someone without any time-delay, with a proper, clear and direct answer, which they would understand immediately – thinking that any other type of behavior but this one, implies that I am “socially retarded”; thus in essence what this annoyance uncovers is a fear of what others might think of me.
2.2 “Driver” being the aggressive male-ego type
At one point in the movie “Driver” made a deal with a gangster, and there was the tension of conflict in the scene, as “Driver” was pissed of at the gangster, due to the gangster having threatened to kill his friend’s girlfriend and child. And so there was this face off between the gangster and “Driver” as they where making this deal.
In this scene, at one point, “Driver” stared intently into the eyes of the gangster, as the gangster urged him to look at his hand, as the gangster had written down some terms of agreement on his hand, that he thought should be incorporated into the deal, and in this moment it seemed as if “Driver” was refusing to look at this man’s hand, and spited the gangsters suggestion to have “Driver” look at his hand, through instead looking into the gangsters eyes – intently – and ferociously.
In this moment I thought: God – that’s such male ego behavior!
So – bringing this point back to myself – what does this indicate about myself? Firstly, as can been by the shape of my initial thought towards “Drivers” behavior, it shows that the thought is in it’s nature a judgment – an idea that something is “bad” – “wrong” – “evil” – “not good”.
Thus – looking at my own reality, and at how I’ve experienced myself, and thought about myself this last week, I am able to see that I’ve spotted myself acting in self-interest in moments, as male-ego – wherein I’ve said things, and done things in order to get attention, and to be seen as smart, intelligent, and superior – typical male-ego behavior – and what I am more able to see within this, is that I, as I’ve seen myself acting upon and living these points, judged myself, felt ashamed and embarrassed – and as such judged the point of male-ego as something bad, instead of simply seeing it for what it is; corrupted education that I’ve believed to be myself, and lived as myself – thinking that this is the normal way to exist and express myself – instead of realizing that there is other ways of expressing and sharing myself than through and as male-ego.
Thus – what “Driver” reveals to me is that I am judging the male-ego as something bad – and as such – instead of working with, and getting to know myself as male-ego, to as such be able to stop myself when I see myself acting within and as the personality of male-ego – suppressing the point and ignoring the point – wanting it to go away and not have my hands become bloody – thinking that if I am this, and recognize myself as this male-ego point – I am bad! Not realizing that I am within such a stand excluding myself from the opportunity to in-fact stop and transcend male-ego once and for all.
3. After the points have been identified – self-forgiveness
Now that I’ve identified and brought the points of reaction that “Driver” showed to me, back to myself – it’s time to work with the points through using self-forgiveness – self-forgiveness being the tool that is used in order to release the points I’ve found within myself, and at the same time assisting and support me to further open the points up and dig into the deeper hidden behaviors and experiences of myself – usually as I do self-forgiveness after I’ve written a point out – even more points will show up for me to work with – also realizations and understandings will open up – the tool of self-forgiveness is as such really cool, and is a god-given gift to anyone interested in discovering and dismantling their inner demons and secret agendas.
3.1 “Driver” being the silent type
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen by others as socially demented
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and perceive talking a lot, and being able to humor and please others, as me being accepted and correct in my behavior, as “socially correct”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and constrict myself in ideas of what is “socially correct” and what is “socially demented” – thinking and believing that the picture and idea I have of someone that is speaking to others, and being able to humor and please them, being defined and regarded as “socially correct” is in-fact a real and self-created definition – not realizing and understanding that it’s mere knowledge and information that I’ve copied from my environment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create my own principles and definitions of what is “socially correct” – and within this definition not limiting myself to what is good and what is bad – and not limiting myself to exist within the fear of what others think of me – but instead creating the definition of “socially correct” to be = to act within and do what is best for all in every moment – and to consider others as myself – and to stop all judgments within myself to comes up as I participate and interact with others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being silent is less than being talkative
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being a silent character is inferior, to being a talkative character
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that someone that is talkative experience him or herself more fulfilled, and happier than someone that is silent
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself together with others, through wanting others to see me as talkative, and pleasurable to be around, not accepting and allowing myself to live here as breath, and as such not be influenced, or bothered, or create myself in relation to how others experience or behave around me
3.2 “Driver” being the aggressive male-ego type
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the male-ego as being bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the male-ego as being bad, and as such suppress myself as the male ego, through thinking and believing that if I recognize and see that I in-fact do exist as male ego, that this means that I am bad
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in order to deal with, work with, and in-fact transcend myself as male-ego, I have to first recognize and see that I exist as male-ego
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of seeing that I exist as male-ego
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conflict within me, through attempting and trying to suppress the realization and seeing that I in-fact in moments accept and allow myself to behave, exist and live one and equal as male-ego
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I ignore the experience, insight, and seeing, that I in moments in-fact exist as male-ego, that this personality and ego-behavior might hopefully go away, so that I won’t have to deal with my experience, and this point any further
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize judging male-ego as a bad, as a way of escaping self-responsibility, as I won’t have to look at how I exist, but simply suppress it, and as such not effectively deal with and work with it, until I in-fact do not anymore exist and live as male ego
4. Installing a new behavior – self-corrective statements
Okay – now I’ve firstly written out the points of reactions, and formulated my initial experiences towards “Driver” in words – creating a vocabulary and an understanding as to what it is that I am facing.
Secondly I’ve through self-forgiveness went even deeper into the points, as well as released the points – opening up a opportunity for myself create myself anew – as such I am now going to place for myself – self-corrective statements – which can be likened with a computer that has been formatted – that now by it’s own initiative decides to install new programs that are more resourceful and effective than those used before.
4.1 “Driver” being the silent type
When I experience myself afraid of expressing myself, and sharing myself with others, because I fear that others will perceive me as being “socially incorrect” – I stop myself and I bring myself back here to breath – I stop my fear and I express myself one and equal here as the physical – accepting and allowing myself to exist without any interpretations and ideas, as mind, as what others might think about me.
When I experience myself afraid of being silent, because I fear that others will see me as socially demented – I stop myself and I bring myself back here – I realize and understand that my fear is ridiculous – as I am fully aware that I am not in-fact socially demented, or retarded – but that I am simply not speaking – because I have nothing to say – as such I stop myself and I bring myself back here – and I accept and allow myself to live self-acceptance – which might be to in this moment – not say anything – as I’ve got nothing to say
4.2 “Driver” being the aggressive male-ego type
When I notice and see that I am participating within and as male-ego, and I see that I am judging myself, and suppressing my initial seeing and insight as to how I exist in this very moment, I stop myself, and I bring myself back here to breath – I realize and understand that the male-ego isn’t something bad – but a misalignment that I require to re-align to what is best for all – and in order to do this I can’t pretend that the point doesn’t exist – as such I stop self-judgment and I look at the point of male-ego – and I stop myself from participating within and acting as male ego – through acting upon and living my seeing and insight, that I am in this moment participating and existing as male-ego – instead expressing myself here as breath – one and equal as the physical
Aright – now I am done – I’ve brought back the character traits of “Driver” that I reacted towards, to myself, and found out some really cool shit about myself – see it wasn’t simply that I disliked “Driver” – and the thoughts and reactions weren’t a coincidence – everything is specific to the tee – and what I’ve written above proves this; as such the exercise of “bringing it back to self” is always bound to enlarge one’s perspective and understanding of oneself – this is what I’ve experienced.
Anyway – see the movie for yourself, and use the experiences you had in order to establish intimacy with and get to know yourself – as I’ve done – it’s really fun and quite the adventure – as you never really know what is going to show up from the deep and hidden crevices that exist within the darkness of our secret minds.