In this blog I am going to explore the personality design of the socialite, which is the habitual self-application of wanting and desiring to have attention, be seen, be heard, and be in the midst of people – as the positive energy polarity – and feeling lonely, lost, and bored when not being in the midst of people, receiving attention – and being someone in the eye’s of others.
How have I then in my life lived out this personality design?
One thing that I notice and see within me immediately is my tendency of feeling more motivated to do things, and to live, apply and express myself when I am around people – than what I feel when I’m alone. When I am alone there is less movement, and I definitely feel that it’s less “fun” to embark upon projects, and new task – and when I am alone I feel that there is “no point to it” – because it’s only me that’s going to see, experience, and be apart of this moment of me participating within a certain event and project. And so I won’t participate, and I won’t be apart of my project, because I feel that there is no point to it.
This is something that I’ve noticed in regards to many projects, and interests that has opened up within me, and my reality – that I’ve only persued them if I’ve known that “someone was going to see” what it was that I was doing. And if the project were solely for my own enjoyment, then I wouldn’t do it.
The other tendency that I’ve seen in regards to this socialite personality design is that I desire to perform around people, I want to be in the center of attention, I want to be seen, and heard, and noticed – and this is why I for example enjoy such school projects as talking in-front of a group of people, participating in a oral presentation – I love that stuff. In school this has limited me in other subjects, such as math, and the subjects within which there was no limelight to be achieved. As such I’ve also mostly developed the skills, and applications of myself that I was good within, because within those I was certain to have apart of the succulent energy of being seen and given attention.
A big part of my application of me living as this design is that I’ve been searching for friendship groups, for “my thing in life” – to be accepted and to have a certain secure place in this world with other people – and within this I’ve compromised myself; because I’ve been looking to establish myself with others, instead of asking myself what it is that I’d like to do, and how I’d like to do it. This negative polarity of this point would be me experiencing myself as if “there is not enough happening” – and “I am not moving enough” – and in order to leave the negative polarity point I will then search to manifest the positive polarity point, which would be me going out into the world to “make things happen” – instead of me walking out into the world here as breath, not wanting and desiring to have a certain experience of myself being fulfilled, but walking out and participating in the world fulfilled and complete.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the personality design of and as the socialite, wherein I will move myself according to the positive polarity point of and as feeling happy/fulfilled/complete in terms of interacting, and participating with people – and the opposite as the negative polarity point of feeling bored/depressed/alone within being with myself alone
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move, and direct myself according to this personality design of and as the socialite, wherein I have accepted and allowed myself to be more active, motivated, and to move myself more consistently when I’m with other people, and when I am alone be less motivated, and self-directed – and not move myself to take on the tasks and opportunities that open up in my world and reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and feel in terms of taking on, and walking through a project with myself, that if the project isn’t going to be seen by anyone, or experienced by anyone else than me – that there is no point to do it – and then within me decide to not take on the project because I think that if no one sees what I am doing that there is no point in doing it – instead of accepting and allowing myself to make myself the point, and to make myself the reason, and relevant point in terms of moving and directing myself, and taking projects in my reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire someone to see what I am doing, to see how I am living, to think and say that what I am living, and participating within is good, and that it’s positive – existing within a need within me to experience the positive energy experience of being social with other people – not seeing, realizing and understanding how I am within and as this need in-fact limiting myself, and compromising myself in terms of expanding, and moving myself in reality to take on projects and points that I’d do for me – and that no-one but me would see and have a experience towards
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself as self-movement, through needing and requiring to have the positive validation from others in terms of what it is that I am doing – thinking, and believing that without others reacting positively to my presence, that “I don’t exist” – and there is “no point to me” – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the point is me – and that I am able to stand as my own point of motivation and not be trapped within this design of the socialite as searching for the acceptance, and validation – and the positive energy of being given attention by others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the design of the socialite, as searching for, desiring, and wanting to be in the company of people at all times – feeling that – when I am not in the company of people – that something is missing in my life, and that my world is not moving as I’d like it to move – and that my reality is not expanding as I’d like to expand – and that something must be wrong because I don’t have the constant contact with other human beings – and I can’t experience any positive energy experience as being close to another – and participating with another
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as the personality design of the socialite, within thinking that “I am born first when I am with other people” – and that “when I’m not with others, I don’t exist” – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am fully capable of enjoying myself, and being perfectly fine with myself alone – not need, requiring, and searching for attention, and to be close to others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I’ve through being addicted to the attention from others in my life, limited and compromised myself – and placed myself into situations, and experiences of and as myself wherein I’ve not enjoyed myself, and where I’ve not been supported – because I’ve wanted to fit in, and be a part of – and be in the gang – and be accepted in the gang – instead of accepting and allowing myself to walk with myself, and by myself – and to listen to myself – and see who I am when I’m alone – and what I’d like to do when I am alone – seeing and realizing that I don’t require to exist within this polarity cycle of positive, and negative – as having attention/being social and being depressed/feeling bored – and within this I see and realize that the solution in order to live a fulfilling life is not to search for and create energy within me – but is to make me comfortable with myself in all situations – equal and one – the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike doing things in which I have to concentrate, and spend time alone – in which I have to do one particular action repeatedly for a long period of time, and wherein I receive no attention, and I do not have any contact with other beings – and define such a moment with myself as being “boring” and “depressive” – thinking and believing that spending time with people, and that “doing things” with other people is “enjoyable” and “fun” and what “life should be all about” – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I’ve trapped myself within and as the design of the socialite – as a cycle of positive and negative – wherein I’ve perceived and defined being with other people, and being social as being positive, and being alone and with myself – as being negative – and within this I see, realize and understand that the solution is for me to let go of energy – and be fully here with myself in every moment regardless if I am with people – or by myself – the same no matter where I am
I commit myself to walk here as breath and not be trapped within the personality design of the socialite – which I do through pushing myself to remain the same when I’m alone, as when I am with people – and to walk and follow through on projects and points in my reality that only I will notice and see – and to not give up upon – and let go of points merely because nobody else will see them
I commit myself to stop seeking for attention – to stop seeking for the experience of being social – to stop seeking for a energy experience in terms of participating with other people – and instead remain the same when I’m with other people – seeing that there is nothing I gain, and that receive when I am with other people that is more than what I gain, and receive when I am alone – it’s breath and here in both cases – as such I walk myself to establish myself the same alone as when I am with people
I commit myself to motivate myself when I alone, and to not be dependent upon another for me to move, direct, and make decisions – I see, realize and understand that I don’t require another to have me be effective in this reality – I but require to make the decision, push myself through the resistance of changing – and then the point is in-fact manifest
I commit myself to not go into the negative polarity point as feeling depressed/not entertained/alone/not expanding/not moving enough when I am alone – and I instead push and will myself to remain here as breath and be constant and consistent in my application of myself – remaining here one and equal as my human physical body