A Problem? In me? What? No! It Can’t Be!

Context:

This support was given to me by Anu as I asked the question why it is that my left foot hurt in sharp stabbing pains as I communicate, and interact with people in my world/reality:

“Viktor – pain is related to hiding, where you’re trying to hide your backchat when speaking with people, so which means you’re

not stopping participation in the backchat but going into suppression and hiding, which means you’re still reacting to your own backchat”

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my own backchat, through thinking that the backchat coming up within me as thoughts is “bad” and “wrong” – thinking and believing the if I accept and allow myself to see this backchat, and recognize that I do in-fact have backchat that comes up within me – that I will be seen as “bad” and “wrong” – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I’ve created a relationship towards backchat – a personal relationship – and that I’ve attached definitions of moral ideas unto the backchat – instead of simply seeing, realizing and understanding – that the backchat is a program, it’s words accumulated through time – and it’s not good or bad – but simply – what is – and as such I push, and will myself to stand in this understanding, realization within and as myself in every moment of breath – so that I am able to see the backchat that comes up within me – not suppress the backchat – and accordingly STOP participating in the backchat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse the application of hiding, and suppressing backchat – with the application of stopping participation in backchat – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that these are two very different applications – when I hide I will simply continue to experience myself physically uncomfortable, and still be “in the experience” – yet think that “I am okay” – while when I stop participating in backchat – I will experience myself physically here – relaxed and comfortable in my body – breathing and being aware of the detail of myself as my physical body – seeing within me that I remain here and that I don’t follow the thoughts, as backchat that comes up within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of myself as being “better than backchat” – existing within me in a experience, and belief of myself as being superior to backchat – as such having the perfect excuse, and justification as to why I should be allowed to simply disregard what comes up within me – and immediately suppress and hide myself from any point of backchat, or reaction that comes up within me – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding – that hiding from, and suppressing backchat/experiences – do not in anyway support me – and I am not in-fact superior to the backchat – because even though I cleverly think I’ve escaped the backchat – I do in-fact know – and see – that the backchat is still controlling me – and that I am still possessed by the backchat – which I am able to see and experience as how it is I experience my human physical body as being constricted, and tense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the character of “I am not my thoughts, I simply breath through my thoughts” – as a way of escaping myself as the consequence I’ve created for myself – as the shit I’ve accepted and allowed to accumulate, and fester within me – as backchat, reactions, inner conversations – and mind-fucks – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that – I can’t simply “breath through it” – because I require to sit down and investigate myself through writing and self-forgiveness, as I’ve integrated these patterns of inner fuckedness in such a way that I can’t even see what it is that I am doing – because I’ve in-fact become the patterns – and as such it’s obvious that in order for me to see myself – I require to see what words, and behaviors I live within me – on a paper in-front of me – so that I at the same paper am able to write/place new words – as the correction to be lived – as the new design I create and place within me – as a self-supportive living-creation that supports me to become a more effective, and practical human being – in the context of living what is best for all in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within, and participate in, and live as the character of and as “If I shut my eyes, and simply wait it will disappear” – as the character of and as the “allower” – wherein I will simply hope that what goes in within me will disappear if I stop giving it attention – when in-fact this is a character-trait of and as giving up – and thinking that I am inferior to the mind – and as such I will hide, and suppress what goes on in my as my mind – because I think that I can’t change it, I think that I am chanceless – and no matter what I do – my mind – and how I exist as my mind will always remain the same – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is in-fact bullshit – because I’ve walked sufficient with points – and walked my talk so to speak – to such an extent that I am in-fact able to see that I am able to change myself – and that no matter what fuckedness I have lived into creation – I am able to reverse the process and in-fact birth myself as life from the physical – through stopping a self-destructive pattern – and replacing it with a self-supportive pattern

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that unless I accept and allow myself to see/experience/feel/be aware of the problem – that I will not be able to stop the problem – as such I see, realize and understand the necessity of accepting and allowing myself to see who and what I’ve created myself to be as backchat/reactions/and experiences – because unless I do so – I won’t be able to through self-forgiveness, writing, and self-corrective applications change my experience of myself to become life – as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that what I sweep under the rug – will continue to be under the rug – until I lift the rug and look at what is under the rug – and then remove what is under the rug

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character of and as myself as “I have no problems, I am fine” – creating this idea of myself within myself – wherein I will as such suppress what goes on within me, as what comes up and exists within me as reactions/experiences/memories/backchat – instead of accepting and allowing myself to be intimate with myself, and vulnerable with myself – and see that – I am in-fact fucked within myself – yet that is nothing bad – that is only what it is – and in-fact a opportunity for me to correct this fuckedness into life – as such I accept and allow myself to in every moment see/experience/be here with what goes on within me – and in-fact get to know me – and be self-honest with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of myself as “I am strong, so these experiences within me don’t affect” – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding – that this very statement I make within me, indicate that the experiences I have within me – do in-fact affect – else why would I ever design such a statement within me, unless this was to direct/cover up/suppress a experience within me? As such I see, realize and understand that everything that comes up within me is relevant – and requires investigation – and requires to be forgiven, let go of – and corrected – and as such I see, realize and understand that there is A LOT OF WORK TO BE DONE – yet this isn’t something I require to have an experience towards – it’s simply what it is – and as such I take a breath and I walk the talk – until it’s done – and I am here with the rest of existence – in a reality where all are able to enjoy themselves – and develop themselves to their utmost potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allow myself to develop a effective communication with myself – wherein I accept and allow myself to in-fact recognize the extreme amounts of shit within me – to see that yes there is shit within me that must be dealt with – yet this is nothing bad – it’s simply what it is – and that in order to direct these points I require to see the points – as such I accept and allow myself to feel myself – and to experience myself – and to see what is going on within myself – and from starting point of unconditionally being here with myself – I begin to walk the process of correcting the shit to life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the character of and as “I am perfect” – “I must be perfect” – creating myself within me as fear of seeing anything within me that I’ve defined as “not being perfect” – thinking that I must always experience myself pristine, and clear within me – else “I am not perfect” – creating within this character a tendency to always suppress shit that comes up within me as backchat, and internal conversations – and to hide from my problems and issues thinking that “this can’t be me, because it’s not perfect” – not seeing, realizing and understanding that the points are in-fact coming up within me – and as such they are me – and as such I am not really perfect – but I am really fucked up – and the sooner I accept and allow myself to see this – the faster I am able to get down to business and sort this shit out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not come to peace with the fact within myself – that I am not perfect – but that I am in-fact fucked up – seeing, realizing and understanding that there is no shame in being fucked up – it simply is what it is – and in-fact a opportunity for me to correct this fuckedness into life – as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, and desire – and to pretend within myself – and towards others that “I am perfect” – thinking that my lie will become a truth if I hold unto it long enough – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am merely sabotaging myself from seeing, and dealing with my problem points – to as such in-fact walk through my problem points, and correct them – so that I won’t have to pretend that “I am perfect” – but that I can in-fact be perfect in all and every way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that even though it might feel as my lie that “I am perfect” is real – the truth will always come back and show it’s ugly face – as such I see, realize and understand that it’s much more sane, and common sense to simply at this moment – let go of the idea that I am perfect – to face the consequences and get this shit over with – so that I am able to live here without being full of shit

Commitment-Statements

I commit myself to stop defining what comes up within me as either good, or bad – and I commit myself to become intimate, and vulnerable with myself – and to really see/feel/experience what is within me – what thoughts come up within me – and as such really learn who I am and how I function

I commit myself to find out, and learn – what it is to stop participation in backchat – and what it is to suppress, and hide backchat – to as such become effective within me to not hide, and suppress what goes on within me – but instead stop what goes on within me and bring myself back here to the physical

I commit myself to not see and define myself as being superior to and better than backchat – but to see that backchat is me – as a spoiled child that I haven’t yet told to fuck-off and to behave in a way to supports life – and as such I commit myself to stand equal and one with my children as backchat – and see that they are not good, nor bad – simply children that haven’t been given a effective education – and within this I take it upon myself to stand as the point of teacher within me – educating my backchat to STOP – and educating myself to become life

I commit myself to not disregard what comes up within me as backchat/reactions/experiences within the thought and idea that “I am superior to backchat” – and I instead accept and allow myself to see/realize/understand that what comes up within me is here as me – and is relevant to look at – and that I am not superior to what comes up within me – as I can physically feel that I am influenced by the points that show within me – as such I will myself to stand equal to the points coming up within me – and direct the points in equality and oneness here with myself

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that I can’t simply “breath through” the consequences I’ve created for myself – but that I require to sit down and investigate my consequences through writing, self-forgiveness – and that I require to walk the correction physically – through commitment-statements and breath-walking – here

I commit myself to not take a short-cut when I face points within me – but to walk the point specifically, and effectively – and deal with all dimension of the point – and not be satisfied until I’ve walked the point in the specificity required for me to be able to in-fact stop participating in the point – and correct myself in the physical – to walk and express as life – as breath

I commit myself to not give up, and think that I am inferior to what goes on within me – and utilize this point as an excuse, and justification for me not to change myself – and I instead stand up within and as me – and will myself to see that I am able to in-fact change myself – and that all I require to do so is to be consistent and disciplined within my self-investigation process – and my physical self-correction process

I commit myself to be aware of my problem-points – to recognize my weak-spots – and to within this accept and allow myself to work with these points – and remove them from within and as myself

I commit myself to see, realize and understand – that I will only be able to work with, and correct a point – when I accept and allow myself to see, and recognize the point

I commit myself to stop existing within and as the character of “I have no problems, I am fine” – to instead get into the reality of myself – which is that I am fucked – and that I require to walk and deal with this fuckedness that is myself – and within this correct myself to become life

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that what goes on within me as thoughts/reactions/backchat do have an effect upon me – which I can see when I am self-honest with myself as to how I physically experience myself – as such I stop thinking that my mind can’t affect me – and I instead realize that I do and can affect me – and that it’s as such of importance that I am self-honest with everything that goes on within me – and that I accept and allow myself to look at, and work with – recognize all the points that is/going within me

I commit myself to be patient with myself – as I see that there is A LOT OF WORK TO BE DONE

I commit myself to develop effective communication with myself – through applying the point of self-writing, and self-forgiveness – and walking my DIP course consistently – and disciplined – everyday

I commit myself that see, realize and understand that I am not perfect – and that there are things within me that are not perfect – and within this I see that I’ve used the thought that “I am perfect” – in order to avoid to see, and recognize the shit that I’ve accepted and allowed to exist within me – and within this I commit myself to develop and create myself as actual perfection – and stop existing within the idea that I am perfect – through walking the 7 year process as the journey to life – of each day participating within – and pushing myself within self-communication – and self-support

I commit myself to come to peace with the fact that I am fucked – as I see that only when I accept and allow myself to see that I am in-fact fucked – will I be able to deal with, and change this point within and as me that I am fucked

I commit myself to stop pretending to myself, and others that “I am perfect” – and I instead accept and allow myself to recognize myself within myself as what I’ve become – and how I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist and function within myself

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that hiding, and suppression is useless – because the truth will not go away – until I practically, and physically change the truth of myself – to something that honors life – and that is best for all – even then the truth will not go away – but instead be a point that I am satisfied with

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