2012 The Working-Man-Anxiety-Character

Writing:

Since I’ve begun to work regularly and for long hours, I’ve begun to notice a pattern of anxiety emerge within me. This pattern is in-fact within me, and there all the time as I work, yet I do not really experience, and feel to what extent that this pattern in-fact possess me, until I go to bed at night. Because I’ve noticed that, I will wake up in the middle of the night, check what time it is – to be certain that I will not miss my work – or I will be in the middle of a half-awake – half-asleep – dream – wherein I’ve lost something at my work, and I must find it. I will then sit up in my bed, and look around in complete anxiety as I try to find this lost thing, and then after a while I will realize that – oh – I am only in my bed, and I am not really at my work.

This reveals that my main-personality while working is the anxiety-personality – and more specifically – the fear of doing wrong, and facing consequences character – wherein the ultimate consequence that I obviously fear – is that I will loose my job, and consequently loose my ability to earn an income for myself.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply myself in my work from a starting point of fear – as fear of not being good enough – and being liked by my employer enough so that I won’t become fired – instead of going, and participating within and as my work – from the starting point of expressing myself within specificity, detail, and discipline – and to get the work done effectively and the best it can possibly be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply myself in my work from a starting point of fear of consequences – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding – that consequences is always the result of me not applying, and living myself effectively here as breath – and as presence – and I will pay the price accordingly through failing to see the details and the specifics in a moment – and as such make a mistake – as such I see, realize and understand – that instead of fearing that I will face consequences – I can simply apply myself in every moment in specificity, detail, and discipline – to as such remove to possibility of consequence completely

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remove the possibility of consequence through being here in every moment – seeing where I am – being aware of my human physical body and of my movements of myself as my human physical body – and being aware of the entirety of my environment, and the context within which I am participating in the moment, and environment – to as such move, and apply myself within such a detail, and certainty – that a mistake can’t in-fact happen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the so called “human factor” – is not a natural point of the human physical body – as it’s not natural for the body to ever make a mistake – as the body directs itself within it’s responsibilities within perfection – not doing a single mistake – remembering to breath – to have the heart beat – to maintain the correct body temperature – as such I see, realize and understand that making mistakes, and “missing points” is a tendency that can only exist within and as the mind – and can only become a reality through participating within and as the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that fear, and anxiety is in-fact useless – and won’t assist and support me to in-fact avoid, and stop consequence from manifesting – but will only appear after consequence have manifested – as a useless application/experience of “oh fuck” – when it all could’ve been prevented before the mistake/consequence manifested through me being aware, and effective here within and as every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware, specific and detailed within and as my application of myself – as me moving and directing myself within and as this reality – in every moment of breath – in-fact being cautious and aware of what is going on around me – and what it is that I am facing here as this breath – as myself in this moment – to as such avoid – and stop any point of me facing consequences in my life/reality/world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my job due to making a mistake in my job – and not being able to apply myself as effectively, detailed, and specifically as my boss would like me to – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding – that loosing my job is a certainty – if I do not in-fact will myself to become detailed, disciplined, and specific within and as my application of myself in my job – as such I utilize this point as a motivation for myself to become more specific – detailed – and aware within and as my application and movement of myself in my day-to-day participation in and as reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my work from a starting point of fear/stress/anxiety – wherein I will move in my responsibilities, and commitments to fast – and as such miss important points – disregard and fail to notice, and give heed to certain important points in my reality – and as such manifest consequence both within myself – as experiencing myself possessed within and as a experience of stress/fear/anxiety – and without as me failing to take into consideration within and as my application – important physical considerations and points that require my aware participation here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as stress/anxiety/worry from within and as the belief that this will make me a more effective – and disciplined worker – not seeing, realizing and understanding – that all proof is in my life – and in this world – that stress/anxiety/worry only has the consequence that I miss points within my reality – and that I abuse my human physical body – and make my human physical body weak – and open to infections and disease

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply myself from within and as a starting point of stress/anxiety/worry in relation to my work – from within and as the starting point of wanting to make sure that my boss is satisfied with me – and that my boss thinks that I am a good worker, and that he’ll keep me in his staff – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding – that I am within and as participating in this fear – in-fact manifesting the opposite – as me loosing my job – because I am not effectively participating within the required detail, specificity, and discipline – required – in order for me to make a good job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that me stressing – and attempting to move faster – does in-fact only make me move slower

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that being in-lack of time – is merely a consequence of participating in the mind – and not being here in reality – moving, directing and expressing myself in equality and oneness with reality – and with myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understanding that moving myself from within and as a starting point of stress/anxiety – will only slow me down – as I will make mistakes – I will forget important points – and I will accumulate this into consequence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not slow myself down as my human physical body movements – and to be aware of every movement that I make – and to be aware each time that my fingers touch the physical existence here – and to in-fact – even though the moment within which I am in – requires my immediate action – that I am still aware fully of my reality here as my physical existence that is here in this moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to be aware of my human physical body – and of my breath – even though I am walking through a moment that is pressuring me to act – and to make a decision immediately – and to as such remain the same wherever, or with whomever that I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest with myself when I see/notice that I am going into a character of stress/anxiety/worry – seeing this because my movements are becoming fast – and my participation is becoming sloppy, and I am missing important points – and that I am failing to see, and act, live myself in such a way that is effective and detailed and specific – and when I see this – to stop myself – to take a deep breath – and bring myself back into the physical – and participate move myself from within and as the natural flow, and movement of the physical here equal and one

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am able to change the experience of myself in one single breath – making one decision in the moment – and then applying, living this decision through breathing myself back into the physical – and aligning myself with my human physical body – standing as the very correction in the flesh – as such creating myself to be the living flesh – as the living word – as me living a supportive statement for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not will myself – and discipline myself to under no circumstances – participate within my mind – and to when I notice, and see myself participate in my mind – to immediately bring myself back here – and to correct myself – to see, realize and understand that being in the mind – will only lead me into consequence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I do in-fact know what it is that I am doing within me at all times – and that the only point I require to sort out – is my directive will in regards to STOPPING all of my self-dishonesties – and to develop common sense in seeing a practical solution in the moment – so I in one breath simply stop and change the direction of me – from mind – to life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that only the mind can be stressed – as stress is in-fact the consequence of me looking into my mind – interpreting reality through pictures, and thoughts – and experiences – and through within this interpretation – moving myself faster, and trying to “make up” for what I’ve believed that I lost through participating in my mind – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that: I didn’t ever loose anything – and all of the experiences/thoughts/pictures that went through my mind – didn’t in-fact occur in actual physical reality – and as such I am actually applying/living myself from within and as a starting point of complete separation – wherein I am making decisions, and moving myself from a illusion – instead of taking into consideration what is physically – practically – here – and moving myself from within and as such a starting point

Commitment-statements:

I commit myself to apply myself, work, from a starting point of me breathing here – me directing my human physical body here within and as specificity – exactness – and detail – and to as such become a effective participant in reality – as such not creating consequences for myself – but instead creating myself and my reality to be life

I commit myself to in every breath be here – and to live fully – to live here as my breath one and equal – and to honor my human physical body through being aware of it in it’s entirety – and to move, and direct myself one and equal as my human physical body in it’s entirety

I commit myself to remove the possibility of consequence – through in every moment remaining here as breath – and as a thought come up within me – searching to have my attention – I immediately stop myself and bring myself back here to the physical – realizing that if I am not here – then nobody is here – and if nobody is here – my world/reality/me will go to shit – because there is no driver in-fact driving – being aware of the road – and how much throttle to give – and how/when to brake

I commit myself to remove the so called “human factor” from within and as my nature – to as such create me to the perfection of a machine – as a machine never fails, but does it’s job effectively – consistently – and disciplined – at all times – never accepting and allowing itself to deter from it’s application of what works – and what it’s programmed to do

I commit myself to stand equal and one to the human body in it’s perfection – and I see, realize and understand that it will be a process to become/be/stand/live as this point – but I see that this is the final outcome when I remain disciplined – consistent – and specific within my application of myself as awareness – as breath – in every moment here

I commit myself to be cautious and aware of myself and my environment – and to not exist/go into the experience and application of myself – as thinking that I am invincible – I see, realize and understand that consequence will manifest – unless I am here in every moment of breath – being serious as to realizing that living isn’t a game – it’s in-fact real

I commit myself to utilize my fear of loosing my job, as a motivation point for me to apply myself here in every moment of breath – as complete and full attention to what I am doing – to this moment here – and to the context within which I am participating in this moment here – to as such not accept and allow myself to miss points – but be aware and effective in every moment of breath

I commit myself to not move myself in my work from a starting point of fear/stress/anxiety – but to instead move, and direct myself from a starting point of and as breath – doing the breath-walking – walking one breath at a time – seeing, realizing and understanding – that within walking one breath a time – looking at/being aware of each point in that one breath – I can’t make any mistakes – and I can’t in-fact miss any points

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that stress/fear/anxiety – never makes me more effective – but only makes me miss points here – and fail to in-fact move myself within and as consideration of all and everything that is here in this one particular breath-moment

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I manifest that which I fear – and within this realization – I stop my fears – here through breathing – and being aware of my human physical body – as reality

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that attempting to move faster – only makes me move slower

I commit myself to slow the entirety of myself down – and through breath direct myself as my movements as myself to move one and equal as breath – slowing myself down as my movements of myself when required – becoming the very creator of myself as my behavior, and my mannerism – within this locating dimensional shifts in my movements of myself – and directing/changing these points of and as myself as dimensional shifts – wherein I will move and direct myself faster/slower than here as breath – through simply aligning myself as my movement of myself to breath – as life – one and equal

I commit myself to remain stable – and to remain here as breath – and direct myself one and equal as breath – even though I face a moment wherein I am pressured to make a decision and to act

I commit myself to be self-honest with myself as to seeing what character that I go into – enter – and when I do so – to immediately change myself – and bring myself back to life here as reality – as living breath

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I can change the experience/direction/movement of myself in one single breath – through making one decision – and I commit myself to live this realization through in-fact – in the moment as I see my not being aligned with myself as breath – as life – to immediately align to my human physical body – as to flow of life here – in and out – as breath

I commit myself to change all of myself that is mind – as non-sense – stupidity-thoughts in my mind – to be self-supportive – physical – actual lived behaviors here as myself – as breath

I commit myself to make every breath a statement of self-will – wherein I will myself to not go into the mind – but to remain here – to walk here – and to be here – seeing, realizing and understanding that my power to stop and change myself is only here as one breath – and will always be here as one breath – and as such I make the decision to walk the opportunity to bring myself back to life – here in every moment of breath

I commit myself to sort out my self-will issues as to why I am not stopping myself – or seeing myself as capable of stopping myself – to as such prepare myself to stop myself as a character in all facets of myself, and my reality

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that only the mind can experience stress/anxiety/worry – and as such I see, realize and understand – when I experience stress/worry/anxiety – that I am within my mind – and that I am compromising myself as life – as the physical – through being lured into illusions as opinions – in small isolated compartment in my head – and within this realization I stop myself – and I bring myself back to reality – and reality is here as me as my human physical body – and I live this realization and bring myself back here – and within this I stop my worry/fear/concern/nervousness

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2 thoughts on “2012 The Working-Man-Anxiety-Character

  1. Kasper Kwan

    Thanks for sharing Viktor! One point I would like to share about the following self commitment statement:

    “I commit myself to utilize my fear of loosing my job, as a motivation point for me to apply myself here in every moment of breath – as complete and full attention to what I am doing – to this moment here – and to the context within which I am participating in this moment here – to as such not accept and allow myself to miss points – but be aware and effective in every moment of breath”

    I found that when I applied a similar point, the fear as delusion eventually dominates and ‘overtakes’ my common sense then I go into the same point of rushing/hasting/anxiety/burden etc. Stop the Mind = stop thoughts/emotions/feelings, including fear.

    An interesting point to note is that once we go into one point of fear, we become tempted to go into many other points of fear because what we have done once, becomes easier and easier until it becomes a way of living.

    Like

    Reply

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