Day 2: I Must Make It!

A point that I’ve become aware of today is the “I must make it”-point – and this is in essence a character that I step into wherein I feel stressed out – and as if I must squeeze in as many activities as possible during my day – and unless I am able to do so – I’ve failed during my days application and accordingly I should judge myself.

To take an example – today after I was done with school I went to the gym and I swam a little – as I got home I made some food for myself, and I then proceeded to lie down in the sofa to read some blogs – now as I was laying there in the sofa I could notice that I was physically tired, and that my body would be supported by taking a nap – or maybe even deciding to go to bed early. Yet – it’s here in this moment that my program kicks in – of – “I must make it!”

So – instead of me seeing in that moment that it would be cool for me to go to bed early, or simply take a nap – and then wake up – and do the things that I’ve got the time to do in the evening – and being fine with that – I instead take a half-nap – wherein I told myself “I won’t fall asleep here” – “because I got so much to do” – and then I fell asleep – yet from time, to time I awoke somewhat stressed and checked the clock – and looked at whether I’d be able to get up at this moment to “get everything done”.

What it is that I am seeing that I am doing towards myself is that I am not accepting and allowing myself to be realistic about my capacities as to what I am able to during a day, and within that I am not accepting and allowing myself to live the realization that I can only do as much as I can do in one breath – meaning; the more I think about something in my mind – doesn’t make me more capable, and able of walking through that particular activity – because in physical reality – you can only act, create, and live in one breath – and that is the one breath that is supplied HERE – and not in the mind of past, present, and future.

In looking at what drives this character – I can see that it’s fear – and anxiety – and in essence it’s a fear that unless I push myself to get everything done everyday – which is often to much for me to handle effectively – then I will slip behind, and accordingly I am going to fail with something in my world and reality – thus I am applying myself and stepping into this character from a starting point of fear of failure – instead of accepting and allowing myself to learn to manage my time – and to within that take into consideration the fact that the physical body does not function as a machine – because the physical body requires rest, it requires to be supported, and it requires to from time, to time – lie down in the sofa and take a nap from some hours – when it’s been swimming or doing some other physically strenuous activity.

Thus – time management doesn’t imply that “I should get as much done as possible” – it implies dealing with, and planning time from a starting point of seeing how this physical reality functions – and not seeing it from a starting point of the mind – as “what I should get done” – because the physical doesn’t operate in such absolutes – it operates within organic, and complex holistic equations – wherein I can’t only take into consideration the fact that “it say’s on my calendar that I should do this thing now” – but I have to take into consideration the entirety of myself, my physical body, and my relationship to the mind – to as such make decisions that are holistic and supportive to me in the whole and that aren’t based upon a dogmatic idea of – “I must get this done now!”.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take into consideration the human physical body, myself, and my mind-body-relationship – as I plan, and structure my time – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create dogmatic and fanatic ideas of “what I must get done!” – and what I “must push myself to do!” – instead of accepting and allowing myself to remain flexible and to be here in every moment and look at what is going on – to as such be able to change and re-direct myself when and as I see that this would be best for me

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I make a plan for the day, as what things I should get done during my day – to then believe, and think – then if I am not able to get these particular points done – and move these points as I’ve planned within and as my mind – then – I am a failure, and I’ve let myself down – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself from a starting point of stress, and anxiety – wherein I exist in a fear of failing – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move, direct, and push myself from a starting point of and as standing here – within and as oneness and equality with and as my human physical body – and paying close attention to what it is that my body is saying me, and showing to me – and making sure that I take into consideration my body when and as I make decisions and I move myself in my world and reality

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take into consideration the fact that my human physical body is not a machine – and can’t be used, predicted, and related towards – as a machine – because my human physical body isn’t the same each and every day – my human physical body doesn’t experience itself the same each and everyday – and doesn’t need the exact same point of nutrients everyday – because my body is a organic and holistic structure – that is just as me – moving itself organically with and as each moment as it arrives here – which means that equations will change, and shift – and that these equations as such must be addressed not from a starting point of habit – but from a starting point of being receptive – and seeing what is here – and correcting the point that has opened up – here – within and as breath – in seeing what is here and moving myself into and as a solution

– As an example the following can be said: I go and swim during day 1 – and during this day I experience my body as very ecstatic, and I can feel how my body is enjoying me swimming fast – and that I push my pulse up to a higher state than normal – but as I go to swim during day 2: I can instead feel how my body feels slow, and relaxed – and how my body within that is communicating to me that I’d like to swim in a slow manner – wherein the pulse is not pushed – but wherein I instead focus upon stretching my body in the water – as I take each stroke and move myself forward in the water –

and as such – reality can’t be understood and directed from within and as knowledge – as knowledge is dead – and instead reality must be directed from directly SEEING – and HEARING – and being receptive to what is here in this very moment.

Self-commitment statements

1. When and as I see, and notice that I am not taking into consideration my body – and my body experience as I make decisions of what I am going to do with my day – and how I am going to live, and express myself during my day – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – if I was my body – I’d like for me to be considered as an equal – and to be cared for – and supported to live and exist within and as my utmost potential – as such I commit myself to listen to, hear, and experience my human physical body here – and be intimate with and as my human physical body – and not see my body as a slave that I can do whatever it is that I want to do with it

2. When and as I see, and notice that I think that unless I am able to get everything done during my day – that I’ve planned that I was going to get done – that I am a failure – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – I am only a failure – when it is that I decide that I am a failure – and I within me equalize myself to the experience, and idea of a failure – as such I see – that instead of me judging, and defining me as a failure – I am instead able to breath – remain here – and simply continue to move myself within my day – walking my practical responsibilities – instead of thinking about what I have, and what I haven’t been able to complete; as such I commit myself to move myself with NO THOUGHT in every moment of breath – and move myself from moment, to moment – and complete and walk through each point that presents itself – without having a plan in my mind as to “how much I must get done”

3. When and as I see, and notice that I am treating, and looking at my human physical body as a machine – that is here to do my bidding – and following my rules, and directions – without any equal and one communication and decision making – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that my body is alive – and is living – experiencing – and expressing – just the way that I am – and that accordingly – my body deserves to be considered – and treated as an equal – simply because this is how I’d like for myself to be treated if I was my human physical body – and I was at the behest of a awareness – as CEO of the body – as the directive principle of the body; as such I commit myself to consider, and care for my human physical – to practice and push myself to stand equal and one with all the various manifestations and expressions of the human physical body – and to within this see that it’s not merely machine – but that it’s in-fact a organic and living organism

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One thought on “Day 2: I Must Make It!

  1. Pingback: Day 6: Leave Me Be – I Am Depressed! | Viktor Persson

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