Day 10: When Fear Disappears

I’ve now been to the university for about two years, and during this time I’ve had many realizations about what it means to communicate, and interact with other people – and recently I’ve had a break-through in relation to this point – and this is what I will share here.

When I first came to the university I found it to be a cold, and desolate place – apparently it was superficial, shallow, and I couldn’t meet any people that was like me – because I was apparently different – now – this was my experience of the university.

At first I blamed the university for my experience – I said within myself that “everyone in this place are so fearful of each-other” – in order to justify the experience of fear that I had within myself, and in order to have some type of excuse as to why I wasn’t pushing myself to get into the university environment so to speak – in terms of actually pushing myself to develop some relationships, and get myself out there.

I walked this behavior pattern of feeling that I was alone, and different – not only in my university environment – but also – in essence – in every other environment that I came into contact with in my life – and within this I didn’t want to recognize one simple point – that it was I that was responsible for my own experience of myself – and that it was I that was responsible for me not communicating with anyone, and for me finding my day-to-day living to lack social interaction with others.

freefromfearThankfully I’ve enrolled into Desteni I Process – which is a course that Desteni offers that assist self to see where self is holding unto limitation, and fear – and within walking this course, together with writing my Journey To Life blog – I’ve now managed to get myself out of this state of blame, as thinking that the reason for my life being uneventful, and without interaction – is due to my environment – and not due to me. Within this a fascinating thing has occurred – I’ve actually begun to push myself to get out there – to speak – to interact – and to dare to face my innate tendency to be passive, and remain in the rear.

Thus – what has happened through me writing my blogs, and walking the Desteni I Process course, is that fear has begun to subside – and really – I experience this as a blanket that has been removed from my eyes, and that I am finally able to see all the opportunities, and all the adventures that exists here in this very moment – that are in my life, and that are ready to be walked.’

Before – I would never have considered taking the initiative to go and speak to someone that I do not know, or to when and as I see some people speaking with each-other in a group, to go and join them – and communicate, and share myself – I mean this was unthinkable for me – and the reason for this is because I’ve existed in so much fear, and so much anxiety – and it’s really only now – that I can see how extensive my fear, and anxiety have been through-out my life – and how much this have ruined for me in terms of living a fulfilling, and enjoyable life.

Thus – one could say that I am now harvesting the fruits of my hard labor – my hard labor being that of committing myself to do my daily writings, and to walk my Desteni I Process lessons, and to not give up when it get’s tough – but to keep on pushing – and keep on walking – and within this I’ve also seen how all the effort I’ve placed into my process of birthing myself as life – has been so totally worth every minute, and every sweat on my brow – because to live without fear, and anxiety – that is really the coolest, and most enjoyable things that I’ve experienced so far in my life.

One point that I regret though is that I didn’t give this to me earlier! I mean – WHY did I walk my life up to the age of 25 years old in fear, anxiety, worry, and nervousness? How come nobody taught me the simplicity of living within breath, and living without self-judgment, and self-hatred? This is obviously nothing I am able to change – yet I am able to make sure that nobody else have to walk through what I had to walk through – meaning – growing up in a world where there is no support, and assistance in relation to creating an effective relationship with self – and accordingly I’ve committed myself to give up this one life, and walk this life to create a world system that is best for all – wherein all will be given the education of what it means to fully live, and express yourself; as such I’ve devoted my life to bring about a equal money system.

Within this I am able to see that I’ve only yet started my journey to realizing what it means to really live – I’ve transcended some fears, some anxieties – but I mean – there is so much more to discover – so much more to learn! Thus – seeing how I’ve changed in these years walking with Desteni, walking my Journey to Life blogs, and my DIP – I can conclude that it’s really a amazing journey that I’ve walked, and that it only get’s better the more of myself that I invest into it – the more I immerse myself into the process of birthing myself as life from the physical – the more intriguing, fascinating, and completely amazing becomes the journey of discovering what life is all about.

Though – obviously – within this I don’t want to give the impression that walking the process of birthing self from the physical is in anyway easy, or effortless – it’s absolutely not – it’s the most difficult, and arduous thing I’ve ever done; yet – the rewards for walking through the difficulties are so amazing that it simply can’t be envisioned – it must be experienced – it must be lived.

Thus – at the moment – my experience of the university has changed drastically – I do not anymore experience my school as a cold, boring, unfriendly, and callous place – I experience it as a point wherein I am able to be social with others, and enjoy myself – and to explore new relationships, and communicate with others – my prime experience is not anymore fear, worry, or nervousness – instead I experience a sense of calm – and within this I am able to actually explore, and investigate what is here – and to focus upon that which is here as my reality – and have always been here – and not be so strung up, and lost in my own world – my own fear – and my own experiences; I’m turning my eyes into the physical – and out from the realms of the mind.

If you haven’t started writing your JtL-blog – or haven’t yet signed up for DIP I suggest that you do so – as this will really be the best gift you can ever give to yourself – the process is difficult, but the result of your efforts will literally blow your mind – as that is what has happened to me – and this is a good thing.

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2 thoughts on “Day 10: When Fear Disappears

  1. Pingback: Day 11: Test-anxiety | Viktor Persson

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