Day 13: Test-anxiety – Fear of Wasting Time (Part 3)

An interesting point that I’ve noticed as I’ve studied for tests here at the university is that – when I’ve spent much time preparing myself – being diligent, and specific about knowing, and comprehending each detail of the course that I’ve read – is that I will fear not getting the best grade – because if I don’t – then apparently I’ve spent all the time I’ve been preparing myself in vain.

fearoffailureAnd this is a interesting point – because it shows to me that I want to have success – yet I am not willing to face the possibility of failure that is always a constant when I challenge myself, and go after something that I know will be difficult for me to achieve. I want to have the success – yet within this I fear reaching for, and bringing myself to success – because I fear the possibility of failure.

But obviously – I can’t reach greatness – pushing myself beyond my limitations, beyond what I believe myself to be capable of – when I fear failure – and the solution I’ve created in my mind is to simply not go after the success at all and let myself fail immediately, because then I won’t have to walk through the suspense of not knowing whether I will succeed or not.

Now – the problem here is not whether I will fail, or succeed – the problem here is WHO I AM within all of this – because one thing is clear – if I do not define myself according to either success, or failure – if I do not create fear towards failure, and desire towards success – I mean – then I am really FREE to move and participate in this reality according to the laws of physics – and to challenge, and push myself without putting anything of “me” into it – because I know that – whether I succeed, or fail – I will remain the same – here – breathing – stable – without emotion – without feeling – and without thought.

Thus – being stable in regards to the outcome of my actions, and my plans – that is something I must practice – because within infesting my plans, and actions with feelings, and emotions – I am making myself blind – and I make my actions become based upon nonsense – and lack all common sense – because I only see the energies – without realizing that the energies are really not relevant – because what is relevant is what is HERE – as the PHYSICAL – as that which I can TOUCH – SEE – and INTERACT with – that is real.

And here I see that – getting the best grades possible – that is a physical point – that will really make my future life a lot easier – as I will be able to be more stable in regards with money – thus – it’s a point to pursue and manifest – and achieving this point is a success – and not achieving this point is a failure – yet – it doesn’t define WHO I AM – it’s merely practical points of consideration – and the outcome of these points will have consequences in my life but they will not determine me – unless I accept and allow it; and this is the KEY to being stable in this reality – to live the realization that I am in this world – but not off this world.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire success, and to fear failure – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to infest my practical, and physical movement in this reality with feelings, and emotions – and making my participation in this world to be about how I feel – instead of it being about what I see is practical – what is see is beneficial – and what I see is supportive

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand – that I can have success, and I can have failure – yet this doesn’t mean that who I am is success, and who I am is failure – because I DECIDE who I am – not external events – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with my plans, and to become possessed with a preferred outcome – and to think that these points define who I am – instead of walking breath by breath – and manifesting my plans, and my decisions – without defining myself according to my plans and decisions

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I won’t ever get far in this world – and be able to manifest my plans – unless I am willing to accept failure – and embrace failure – because I see, realize and understanding that in striving for success – failure is a probability – but within this it’s to see, realize, and understand that failure is not a bad thing – and it’s not a emotional thing – it’s merely a sign showing to me that I’ve not yet taken into account all practical details required to be looked at for success – and that there is some calibration required for me to in-fact achieve success

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want results, and to want success – without being willing to give the effort, and walk the necessary challenges in order for me to get to – and manifest that success – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, and desire success to manifest automatically – and that I am only to have success – and that I am never to face failure – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that failure is natural part of living – that is not to be feared – but is to be understood and learned from – because from failure – success is born – if failure is utilized, and seen in the correct way

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect results without me giving of myself to produce such a result – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving of myself – when I can’t be certain that the results will be what I desire – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understanding – that living within such a fear – will have the consequence that my life never leads anywhere – and that I remain stuck – because I won’t dare to face the uncertainty of life – and accordingly never move myself – but only remain in my confined comfort zone

6. I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that one of the primary reasons as to why so few human-beings manage to do something truly great with their life’s – is because of fear of failure – is because fear of going where self haven’t gone before – is the fear of not having success – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how our current school system is partly responsible for creating this disease within people – wherein apparently success is the only point that is valued – not realizing that failure is a stepping stone for success – and that real success can’t exist without recognizing, and seeing what failure is – and within this understanding how to direct a failure to become a success

Self-commitments

1. When and as I see and notice that I fear failure, and that I desire success – and that I am accordingly polarizing myself within myself; I immediately stop myself – I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand – that polarizing myself, and my reality into and as energies, and experiences – will not help me – but merely serve the lessen my clarity of seeing – and send me into a living wherein I do not act as what is common sense – but according to what I feel; as such I commit myself to act according to principles – to act according to mathematics – and not according to feelings, and emotions – as these points are not designed to be trustworthy guides of how to live my life

2. When and as I see that I am defining myself according to success, and according to failure – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that me being successful, or failing – doesn’t define me – unless I accept and allow it – as such I commit myself to stand – and live in this reality – but not be off this reality – but remain stable – objective – here – within and as breath

3. When and as I see that I resist, and fear failure – and that I try to avoid failure through simply not going for success – challenging myself – and pushing myself to achieve – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that in order to succeed – I must be willing to fail – by implication – as success can’t exist without it’s shadow-double – failure – because failure is the point showing to me that I have not yet considered physical reality – and that I as such can’t reach success because I am not here – and it’s as such not my enemy – but my friend – because it’s a teacher pointing to reality saying to me – hey! You’ve not looked at how reality functions – thus you won’t succeed!; as such I commit myself to embrace failure – to learn from failure – and to dare to strive for success even when this might mean that I will fail

4. When and as I see and notice that I want to have success – without willing myself to put in the effort – that hard work – and the discipline required to create such success – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that success will, and can only arrive – and be real – when I’ve physical walked the point into creation – success being that which I’ve created which I thought, and believed was beyond me – and that was a challenge for me to create; as such I commit myself to when I see a challenge to be faced – and I see that walking this challenge could imply success – I push myself to give the effort, and the discipline – and to needed physical walk in order to manifest success here as me

5. When and as I see that I am expecting results – expecting success – without doing what is necessary to produce such results/success – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that success is mathematical in nature – implying that success is a decision that I make and walk in every moment – and not something that just happens randomly, and by luck – as such I commit myself to walk the discipline, and dedication to live by mathematics – and not by feelings, and emotions

6. When and as I see that I avoid walking a particular challenge, and avoid creating my life to be what is best for me as all – because I fear failure – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that failure is the key to success – it’s what shows me what is working, and what isn’t – thus without facing failure I won’t be able to create success; as such I commit myself to face failure – to embrace failure – and to learn from failure – and to as such enable myself to manifest success in my world and reality – and within and as myself

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3 thoughts on “Day 13: Test-anxiety – Fear of Wasting Time (Part 3)

  1. Pingback: Saying NO to Feel in Control of Consequence: DAY 203 | Anna's Journey to Life

  2. Pingback: Embracing the Unknown: DAY 204 | Anna's Journey to Life

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