Day 14: Test-anxiety – Stress as motivation (Part 4)

How are stressed people portrayed in this world? Partly their portrayed as people that get many things done – that have lot’s of responsibilities, and are within that being productive – that’s why their stressed – their running from activity, to activity trying to get as much done as possible; but is this in-fact so? I mean – do stressed people get more things done that non-stressed people?

premed+stressHere I can take a look at myself and ask myself this question – do I get more done when I am stressed than when I am not stressed? The answer is – yes I do get more things done – but the quality of what I do isn’t very high – the reason being that when I am stressed – I in essence run through my activities in this mood of chasing the time – trying to catch, and hold the time – and I am within that not centered here in my breath, and fully into what it is that I am doing here.

Thus – stressed people (stressed me) do not get more things done that non-stressed people (non-stressed me) – this is a lie. Within this it’s fascinating to see how I’ve still adopted a belief that I need stress as a motivational force in order to get things done in my life – and that without stress – apparently I won’t get things done.

This reminds me of some interesting facts that have been mentioned to me in relation to driving. Many tend to think that when you drive superbly fast – that this will get you to your location faster than if hadn’t driven that fast – yes – this is true – yet the amount of time that you earn upon driving very fast is really not that great in comparison to the risk you’re placing yourself at when driving really fast. The same can be said about stress – when you’re stressed you might move a little faster, and tick more boxes of you’re to-do list – yet what you’ve done is not really done – but more half-done – because you hasted yourself through the process instead of being here with and as breath.

So – there I have it – proof that stress is really not this powerful tool that I’ve thought it was – it really only servers to make me uncomfortable in my body, and to have me miss important points in relation to what it is that I am currently doing. Thus – stress – go away from my life.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that stress makes me move faster, and have me get more things to be complete – and that I will be able to do more things when I am stressed – within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how stress makes me less effective in what I am doing – that I become absent minded – and that I miss important points because I am stressed and trying to get there – instead of being specific, and detailed here in this very moment that I am participating within here

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that if I let go of stress – I won’t be able to have any motivation to move myself in my reality, and complete tasks – and get things done – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand – that I am able to move myself by decisions – physically – and that do not require something more than me to move me – as stress – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of stress – and to move myself beyond the point of stress – in seeing that stress is really limited and not in-fact something that assists and supports me to improve, and become more effective in my day-to-day living

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist letting go of stress – in fear that if I do not anymore hold unto stress – and live by stress – and define myself according to stress – that I am then not going to have any sort of guide – knowing how fast, or slow I will move myself in my day-to-day living – within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to move me in the pace of breath – to move me in the pace of being here with my human physical body within and as oneness and equality

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify me becoming stressed within thinking that it’s normal to become stressed – and that this is something that everybody do – and not only me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others – and to use others in order to hold unto shit that isn’t supportive for me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath – and let go of stress – and see that it’s nothing that I will miss, and nothing I will regret myself for letting go off

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that stress gifts with a ability to understand, and comprehend more information – become more effective – more strong – and more directive in my life – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in being possessed with stress – I am simply missing my life – because I am not HERE – I am always over there in the next moment – trying to get something done – trying to accomplish something – instead of being here in this moment – and accomplish what is here for real

6. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move, and direct myself from within and as a starting point of lack of time – as feeling that I do not have sufficient with time – to be able to let go of stress, and fear – and apparently if I let go of stress and fear – then this will mean that I have even less time – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that time in itself doesn’t have anything to do with stress and fear – these are simply unrelated points – something that I have related in my mind through defining myself according to time from a starting point of energy – instead of being practical – physical – and standing with time from a starting point of seeing what is practical

Self-commitments

1. When and as I see that I am going into stress, thinking that stress makes me move faster – and have me complete, and get more things done – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that stress do not change time – it doesn’t give me more time – it merely makes me move more hasty and miss points in my life that are important – and within this I become sloppy; as such I commit myself to not move myself in stress – but to instead move myself in breath-awareness here – in the pace (peace) of breath – one physical foot in-front of the other

2. When and as I see that I fear letting go of stress, believing that when I do let go of stress I won’t have any motivation anymore – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am able to motivate myself – move, and direct myself – and I do not require stress to do this for me – stress is really in-fact useless – because it doesn’t serve to assist me in handling my physical world and universe; as such I commit myself to focus upon my physical directive decision movement – and perfect this – instead of thinking that stress will in anyway assist me with self-movement

3. When and as I see that I resist letting go of stress, thinking that I require, and need to use stress as some form of guide to show me how to live in my world – and that I can’t do without stress – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that stress is a useless guide – it’s simply a energy – a reaction – and not common sense – not any guide really merely a energy-indicator saying “run, run, run!” – as such I commit myself to stop relying on stress – and instead rely upon – and use common sense to move and direct myself in my day-to-day living

4. When and as I see that I am justifying become stress, thinking that it’s normal to become stressed – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that stress is not normal – it’s something that is induced into the body through thoughts – and not a natural immediate physical expression here; as such I commit myself to stop stress – and not compare myself without others – but to stick with my self-honesty – and honor that

5. When and as I see that I am thinking that stress makes me more intelligent, and intellectual – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that stress makes me less capable of integrating, and understanding information – and in-fact makes me misunderstand information; as such I commit myself to not be stressed – but to instead breath – and be here with and as my human physical body

6. When and as I see, and notice that I am moving myself from a starting point as lack of time – as thinking that the more stress I move myself within and as – that the more time I will have; I Immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – in moving myself from a starting point of lack of time – I am creating lack of time – because I do not stand equal to time – being realistic about what I am able to do within the time that I have at my disposal – as such I commit myself to be realistic with time – and to not plan millions of activities in a time space that isn’t made to handle that many activities – but understand the limits of time – and apply myself accordingly

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