Day 24: Test-anxiety – Self-Punishment (Part 13)

selfpunishmentHow do I get things done when I study? How do I get myself to sit down to study? Well – mostly I will experience a sense of anxiety, and nervousness – and I will then start to talk in my head about what is bad about me if I do not sit down and study – and as such I will generate a form of conflict within me, and then from within that move myself to actually go and study – thus what I am doing is that I am moving myself through self-punishment, and through the utilization of fear.

This is how governments motivate, and move their people – they utilize the fear of eventual punishment – which could be fear of lacking money, or fear of going to prison – and then these produce movement in society to get particular points sorted out and dealt with.

But isn’t there another way? How come I require fear to move myself? What I’ve realized is that fear is a substitute for principled living. In principled living one do not need fear – because one UNDERSTAND and COMPREHEND what it is one is doing, and why – as such – taking this back to myself – I would not require fear to go and do my studies because I’d be clear on why I do them, and also be clear on the fact that I don’t require fear to move myself to go and do my studies, because it’s simply a decision that I make in a moment here.

Thus – fear is the lazy man’s alternative to developing the ability to live by and as principles, and a understanding – as such I will deal with and correct this particular point and change my way of moving myself to study from fear to being a principle – meaning – that I understand why I study, I know what the consequences will be if I don’t – and then I move myself to produce a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need fear in order to motivate, and move myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of fear – in fear that I won’t anymore move, or direct myself – but that I will come to a stand still in my world and that nothing will happen anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that fear is good for me – and that fear helps me to take care of myself in my world, and make my life easier, and more comfortable – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust fear more than myself – and to believe that fear is something I need in order to function, and know how to deal with, and how to walk, and behave in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself to move myself – and to fear letting go of this self-punishment character – in fear that I won’t do anything if I let go of this point – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself – and to not realize that I am able to move, and direct myself in this world – and do so by and through principled living – do so by clear understanding – and within this I won’t need any fear, or anxiety – I won’t need any form of experience – because I simply see what is required to be done and then I move and direct myself to get it done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am better when I punish myself – that I move myself more effectively, and that I get more things done – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of self-punishment – and believe that in letting go of self-punishment I am going to loose some very important part of myself that is required for me to be able to function in this world effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become used to, and accept myself giving me direction – and guiding myself in this world by the use of fear, anxiety – and inferiority – as threats that I direct towards myself to get myself going – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to develop self-movement, and self-discipline – seeing that I don’t require fear, or punishment to move myself – it’s simply a decision as to who I am – and then a doing – as moving myself in the direction where I see that I have to go – and it’s as simple as that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself that I would take care of myself, and that I would take care of my life – if I’d fully, and completely let go of all fear – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must have fear in order to feel any sense of responsibility and commitment towards my life – thinking that with no fear I will just give up upon everything and remove myself from my life – and go and sleep all day long because I simply don’t care – instead of realizing, seeing, and understanding that I don’t require fear to care – and to love – and to be passionate about my day to day living within and as this world

When and as I see that I am using fear, and self-punishment to move myself to get things done – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I don’t require self-punishment to get things done – I don’t require fear to get things done – I require me deciding and living my decision here; as such I commit myself to develop myself as principled living – living by understanding, and decisions that I make and not by fear, and self-punishment

I commit myself to stop trusting fear – to stop giving attention to fear – to stop believing that fear will care for me – that fear will protect me – and that fear is a necessary part of my life; and I instead commit myself to birth myself here and stop fear – and instead make decisions, and move myself by and through understanding, and living principled here

I commit myself to stop distrusting myself, to stop believing that I am not able to live without fear – and that I would without fear simply give up upon my life – and all my responsibilities – and within this I commit myself to understand that I am able to decide and will myself to live – what I require, and see that is best for me to live and participate within – thus fear is completely not needed

When and as I see that I am using fear to get me to go and study, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – fear is limitation – fear is stupidity – and fear is simply not reasonable in anyway – it’s simply a paranoia – something that isn’t meant to exist in this world what so ever – as such I commit myself to move myself to do my studies by and through a decision – as in understanding the outflows of my decisions – and then moving myself to produce the outflow that I want to have in my world – and that I see is best for all

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