Day 47: Dealing with Headache

man-headacheToday I got a headache – not a severe one – but it hurts enough to bother me; so I am going to look at why this headache came up – because for you that aren’t familiar with the Desteni material: the reason for headaches is participation the mind, and it’s usually due to participation in thoughts, and backchat that have repeated during the week – so one have to look back during the week to see what thoughts have mulled around in the head.

Now, I am quite clear about what caused this head-ache because it came up in an instant, and very specifically in relation to a thought that came up in that moment – and this point is in relation to success, and wanting to develop self – the paranoia of self-development. And now – this is not a supportive self-development that I am talking about – it’s an obsession with self-development that I’ve undertaken because I want to feel smart, and appear knowledgeable – which is interestingly enough more a point of devolution rather than evolution.

So – before the head-ache began I was occupying myself with studying, and reading up on some subjects that I’ve decided to get to know better; obviously – this is a cool point because the knowledge is practical, and will assist me in my daily living – though – what I’ve done that is not effective, and practical – is that I’ve created a ego-point around this self-education point.

I will as such when I learn new stuff go into a state of excitement, and indulge in grandiose pictures of myself in my mind – and I will feel energetically high – like I am riding the waves – empowering myself, and becoming better; feeling like I am able to take on the world. So – this is the ego-part of learning new things, which is also obstructing me from in-fact learning new things – because I tend to want to learn “more” and go “faster” – and be more time-efficient, which results in me not giving the point that I am walking appropriate time, and attention – and then I won’t actually understand what I am learning – so I am becoming negligent to the process of actually learning – because: I want to reach the end, and get results, and get over there! I mean – it’s interesting – I mentioned this point in my blog yesterday as well – this point of wanting to reach for the stars, but not wanting to go through the actual process of building that rocket-ship, and organizing the entire trip – to then after having walked the necessary labor actually go out and travel to the stars – it’s this McDonalds type behavior – that I want things fast, and I want them now!

Thus – I will be careless with my education process, because I want to become more educated, and I want to feel smart, and intelligent – and be better than others – so the point in essence stems from a inferiority, which I am trying to escape through competition – wherein I am using knowledge as a way to boost my ego and feel less inferior; while obviously – this is not a solution because it will not remove my experience of inferiority – it will only increase my inferiority, because I will further polarize the point into a positive, and negative state – instead of immediately correcting the point of inferiority, and within this allow myself to be satisfied with myself.

I mean – because this is also a huge part as to why I go into this striving-character of as fast as possible “trying to get there” – it’s because I don’t allow myself to be satisfied with myself; I mean – sure – it’s also important not to be over-satisfied with self, which in essence is a form of slothfulness, and indolence – where I am “satisfied with myself even though I don’t do anything; that point isn’t valid either. Though the opposite point of all the time striving, stressing, pressing, forcing – this is not valid either – and obviously – the reason for both these points being invalid is that they are based on a state of energy – and a state of energy is always more, or less than pure physical self-expression here – while pure physical self-expression on the other hand is in complete equilibrium with this moment here – wherein there is a natural, slow, consistent, and determined development process that occurs – wherein I am moving, and directing myself – yet doing this breath-by-breath – like a snail that slowly but with certainty moves, and walks a certain path – until the destination is reached – and even though it looks like it’s going slow – it doesn’t matter – because the snail will eventually reach his goal.

So, what I am seeing as a solution to end this strife-character, and this energetic state of competition – is to align myself with the movement of breath, and be gentle with myself – now – being gentle with myself is as I explained in yesterday’s blog – a point of moving myself gracefully, and softly in every moment – wherein I am not in a state of rush, or energy of trying to get as much as possible done, as fast as possible – but that I am moving consistently with the breath here – one breath at a time.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of superiority, and feeling more than, and better than – and imagining myself in all types of magnificent positions in the world – of being seen, and being famous – doing this because I experience myself as inferior, and being dissatisfied with myself – feeling that I have to strife, and do more, and become more, for me to be satisfied with myself; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of being rushed, and a state “trying to do as much as possible in the shortest time-frame possible” – instead of accepting and allowing myself to move on breath per breath basis – allowing myself to move in equality and oneness with my human physical body – not trying to do more, and not trying do less – but instead simply living here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I require to impress upon others that I have particular knowledge, and compete with others to gain some sort of recognition, and value in this world-system – for me to stop this inferiority; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand that I don’t have become “more than” to stop my experience of being “less than” – because I mean – both these points are invalid – and the solution is instead to STOP creation – to stop creating myself through and as energy – and instead deciding to create myself as the living movement of breath in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create myself as the slowness, gentleness, meticulousness, and specificity, and consistency of breath – I mean breath is really this amazing point – that goes out, and in – all day long – consistent with the same movement – and the body will naturally align the breathing pattern to what physical points must be directed – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to align with this point of breathing – and allow myself to be consistent, stable, and simple – in focusing on the simple movement of myself as simply being here – and walking the point that is HERE without no ego, or mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn self-education into a point of ego – wherein I feel, and experience that I become “more than” and “better than” when I learn new things, and when I acquire new information – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-education – and think that knowledge and information is more than me, and adds to me more value than what I currently have – instead of accepting and allowing myself to purify my starting point for self-education – in understanding that knowledge and information can be used to enhance my life-experience, and effectiveness in this world, and reality – but it doesn’t change WHO I AM – as I remain the same – a physical breath movement here – that is not defined by this world; that is in this world – but not off this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that education doesn’t make me who I am – it’s instead a point that I am able to enhance my effectiveness in this life – and to make informed, and effective decisions that have an outflow as what is best for all – but it doesn’t make me more, or less – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop this point of excitement, and feeling superior, and energetically evolving – when and as I am studying – in realizing knowledge, and information is merely a practical point of knowledge and information – and it’s nothing that is more than, or less than – and I mean – learning new things is physically equal to anything else in my world that is physical – such as for example going out and taking a walk – and as such it simply doesn’t make any sense to exalt education to some form of god status in my world; but instead use education as self-support for me to become effective in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exalt educated persons in my mind – in thinking that persons that hold much knowledge of the world, and that are for example professors, or other type of academics, are more than “normal people” more than “working class people” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within me, want and desire to reach, and attain a status within me of being able to see, and define myself as being educated – and knowledgeable – and wise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, and desire to accumulate as much knowledge as I can possibly do in this life – to as such feel, and experience myself as being superior, and more-than; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify knowledge, to glorify so-called intelligence, to glorify so-called wisdom – instead of understanding that looking at the world – there are many of these people that are intelligent, and knowledgeable in the world – yet nothing has changed; I mean why is this? It’s simple – it’s because knowledge, and information is useless without practical application – and I mean – the point of the practical application that is the point of the principle – the “who I am” – and this is the point that is of primary importance as it determines my very daily-living – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand – that even though I accumulate all knowledge in the world – it will be useless unless I sort out my relationship with myself – and allow myself align myself with the physical – and practice living what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify knowledge, and information – because my parents did that – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply copy my parents, and also begin to glorify information, and knowledge, instead of questioning the point – and asking myself – but hey – is this point really so fucking awesome? I mean – what is it with knowledge, and information really that makes it so important, and cool? And within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to understand that knowledge, and information without a effective living-principle – is useless – because it will be used to further self-interest, and further separation, division, and meaningless suffering – and hierarchical abuse – and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to understand that simplicity is the point that is worthy of real respect, and glory – the simplicity of living breath – of living care – of living respect – of living consideration – of living what is best for all; that is what have been missed in humanity – where simplicity have been interpreted as a weakness – while simplicity is really the key to creating a better world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify wisdom, as knowledge – instead of understanding that wisdom, and knowledge is really but arrogance, and presumption hidden in beautiful words, and complex sentences – to make it appear as if there is an advanced intelligence behind the words – while really there is nothing of substance at all – and I mean – there is nothing of the strength that is hidden in the so very simple points of nature – such for example a cat, or a dog – that are so simple – yet still hold more substance, and value – and worth – than what any wise man, or knowledgeable human-being have been able to muster – simply because of one thing; that the animals are REAL – they live, and express themselves with and as the physical – within and as PRACTICALITY – and that is what is missed when knowledge is glorified – that this world is practical and only practical physical self-movement is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify, and embellish philosophers, and people that think a lot – and that have many opinions about many different things – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dedicate my life to become one of these “smart persons” – instead of asking myself – but hey – what is really the value of this? I mean – me seemingly being smart – as having a particular vocabulary and being able to express this with confidence – is that really of any substance at all? And I mean – obviously – no – it’s not of any substance – because substance is not trying to impress others, or competing with others – it’s instead daring to live without self-interest – without a hidden agenda – and live practically what is best for all; which would in relation to self-education – be to focus one’s self-education to learn about points for a practical reason – so that one could then use the information to practically enhance one’s living expression in day-to-day living

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into a character of strife, of trying to “get results” and do as much as possible in the shortest time-frame possible – to apparently “be effective with my time” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this idea of time-effectiveness that I’ve created in my mind – is completely delusional – as it’s based upon the idea that the results are separate from the process of achieving and walking these results – thinking that I mean – to compromise the process and being negligent in my process of walking the point of learning, or establishing something – apparently won’t have any effect on the results; instead of understanding that the final outcome is always equal and one to the process walked to establish the point – and if the process isn’t walked in specificity and detail – then the results will not be effective; as such I commit myself to practice living patience, being composed, and steady in my application – moving consistently one foot in-front of the other – and not trying to make a “giant leap for mankind” so to speak

When and as I try to gain a energetic state of superiority to end my experience of inferiority – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point – as the idea that apparently I can end my negative experiences through imposing unto myself positive experiences – it’s not real; it’s merely a McDonalds solution – wanting to be fine, and cool with myself – without actually doing the labor of looking into how I’ve specifically created myself – and how I am able to re-create myself as what is best for all; as such I commit myself to dare to go into the nitty-gritty of my negative states – and understand the dealing with the problem at it’s core – is the only solution

When and as I see that I go out of the state of natural breathing, and being aligned with and as my breath – in that I go into a state of trying to be more than breath, and more than this moment here – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – being more than here is an illusion – and implies that I go into my mind – which really means that I become less; because I will go into my mind and live in a illusion which is by design inferior to the physical as reality; as such I commit myself to see that living HERE in every moment – and walking this breath here fully – that is enough – that is sufficient – and that is really the epitome of living – because it’s being real – and there is no point in this existence that is more than this point of HERE

When and as I see that I define myself as being “educated” and I create an energetic state within me of feeling that I am more than, and better than – advanced, and evolved; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point of thinking that I am more than because I’ve read something, or integrated some knowledge – I mean – it’s not real – it’s a fake experience – and the proof that it’s fake – is that it’s not a practical and factual point that I can observe and use practically in my world to support me – it’s a mental divergent from physical actual reality; as such I commit myself to study as a practical point – understanding that knowledge, and information doesn’t define me – as I am in this world – but not off this world

When and as I see that I am exalting the process of integrating new information, as studying, and as being educated to some type of godhood within me – thinking that it’s the “ultimate point” – and that I am really “becoming more” when I educate myself; I immediately stop myself – I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – this point of thinking that information is making me better, making me higher – I mean – it’s a illusion – and the proof is existent in this world – a world that is obsessed with creating, and learning information – yet has this produced a better world? No – merely more effective way’s for human-beings to kill, and lie to one another – that is not real evolution; as such I commit myself to understand that information is useless unless it’s used – practically used – to benefit everyone – as what is best for all

When and as I see that I am exalting academic persons in my mind, thinking that they are special, and above “normal” people – or “working class” people – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that society would not function without the carpenter, or the garbage-man, or the locomotive driver – I mean academics serve their purpose but it’s not more important than a practical point in this reality; as such I commit myself to stop exalting academica to some type of godhood in my mind – and I commit myself to see that academic knowledge is just that – academic knowledge

When and as I see that I am glorifying knowledge, and apparently “smart people” – thinking that these kind of people are so cool, and impressive – and that I want to become just like them – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I mean knowledge is useless without practical application – knowledge for the sake of knowledge is only unnecessary and obviously only the ego can benefit from such a point – as the desire to seem to be more than another; as such I commit myself to accumulate knowledge that is practically relevant to my life – and the creation of world that is best for all – and just accumulate knowledge for the sake of knowledge

When and as I see that I am glorifying, and seeking to appear complex, and intelligent, and deep, and profound, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that everything is in reverse – thus it’s not complexity, or profoundness that is the solution – it’s simplicity and changing the very ordinary, and normal points of living life to become life-supportive – I mean – this is what has been missed in humanity as a whole – we all want to become super-heroes, and save the day – and kill the evil genius with one heroic blow – not realizing that the super-hero point is not taking into consideration that life is about simple daily acts – a day to day living where there is no big events – and that big events is created through the accumulation of smaller events as small daily actions; and as such I commit myself to focus upon correcting my living simplicity – and my ordinariness – to as such understand that real change doesn’t happen super-hero style – but happens instead slowly, but surely – in applying oneself in the simplicity of supporting oneself in every breath to remain clear – stable, and effective

When and as I see that I glorify complexity, knowledge, information, and philosophy – and regard this as more than simplicity; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that simplicity is the key to changing this world and reality – because in simplicity one is able to remain here as breath – and act within and as the moment – as simply seeing what is here and then making a decision, and walking that decision; I mean that is simple – instead of being complex – wherein one get’s stuck in thinking about a point – considering all kinds of made up mental rules, and regulations – looking at what is best, and what isn’t – instead of simply seeing, and acting; as such I commit myself to practice simplicity – which is to practice living here as breath directly – and not allow a mental wall to exist between me and reality

When and as I see that I am accumulating information to become, and feel more than – better than – and like I have a higher value than others; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that information in itself is useless – and to sit and gather information merely for the sake of having lot’s of information one is able to repeat – I mean that is both ludicrous, and also useless – and a waste of time; as such I commit myself to make sure that I accumulate knowledge from a starting of supporting in my practical day-to-day living – and not to create a feeling, and experience within me of being more than

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2 thoughts on “Day 47: Dealing with Headache

  1. Pingback: Day 63: From InFEARiority To Life | Viktor Persson

  2. Pingback: Day 118: I Want To Do It Myself! | Viktor Persson

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