Today I had a intense start on the day – because what happened was that during yesterday I became tired, and I decided to take a rest – and within this I said to myself that I would postpone some of my responsibilities and rather do them as I woke up the next day. So, the next day arrived and I found myself being really tired, which meant that I as I got up I didn’t have that much time to walk my responsibilities as I had planned.
This made me stressed, and somewhat anxious – and on top of this my two cats always requires some attention in the morning, as they are both to come in and get some breakfast, and then also go out again. So, this point awoke within me a reaction of stress, and anxiety – and this in turn resulted in me becoming irritable, and frustrated – wherein I felt that my cat’s where bothering me, and that my responsibilities were bothering me – and that everything, and everyone was simply “taking my time” – and that “there was not enough time to do the stuff I’d planned to do”.
Thus – what I am able to see is that firstly – this stress point is simply not supportive at all, I mean – I can’t accept, and allow myself to become stressed about my responsibilities, as that will not in anyway help me to complete what it is that I am doing – and secondly – I must allow myself to be flexible with my responsibilities, and understand that sometimes my body do require some rest, and I might simply not have the time to walk my responsibility – and that this is not something to make a big deal about, but instead to find a solution – and to maybe direct myself to walk that particular responsibility on a day when I don’t have to go to the work, and simply postpone the point for some days – realizing that it’s better to actually walk the point with sufficient time to do it properly than simply stressing about like a hunted animal trying to do as “much as possible” not realizing that – it doesn’t work that way – and that being effective with a particular point requires more than just “doing it” – it requires that I am HERE with the point – and for me to be HERE with the point it requires that I’ve structured my time so that I am able to give myself the needed moment to immerse myself in the point and do it specifically, and effectively.
This also reveals an interesting pattern as to how I tend to approach responsibilities – I see it as – when I get it done, and I’ve walked the point – then it’s cool; but within this I do not consider the quality of what I’ve done – but more consider that “I’ve done it” – and because of that it’s cool. Obviously this is not how it works – because the quality of what I do means A LOT – and that I can do lot’s of things during a day but if I haven’t done these points specifically they won’t be of much worth – for example – a house that I build fast and sloppily will stand for a shorter time than a house that I build effectively, specifically and meticulously.
Thus – a point I want to give myself is to allow myself to further push the point of patience, and allowing myself to take my time – and stop trying to do “as many things as possible” – and instead decide to do a few things yet do these points effectively, and specifically – realizing and understanding that I don’t have to rush, and that I don’t have to “just do it” – if I actually allow myself to structure my time effectively, and do that in such a way that I have enough time to really get into the point I am working with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush to get things done, and do as many points as possible, and apparently be as “productive as possible” – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that when I accept, and allow myself to walk, and participate from this starting point what I produce will lack quality – and substance – because I have not given myself the necessary time to walk, and direct the point specifically, and effectively here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am effective when I am participating in points from a starting point of stress, and “moving fast” and that the more I do – the better I am – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath, and bring myself back here to the physical – and within this accept and allow myself to stop trying to get as many things done as possible – and instead work in the moment – work within and as breath – and walk each breath to completion and try to do more than what I am able and capable to do in one breath
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I stress a point, and try to get a point done only to get it done – I am compromising myself, and I am compromising the results of the point – and really it’s not even of any worth to pursue the point when I am in such a state of hastiness, and hurriedness – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow myself down, and to walk my responsibilities effectively – and when I see that there is not enough time for me to do this – to instead decrease the amount of responsibilities that I have – realizing that I can’t do everything in a physical reality that is based upon time, and space – there is only so much time
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that in trying to do as many things as possible I am in-fact compromising myself, and that really – it’s better to give my focus and attention unto doing some points – and then giving myself sufficient with time to concentrate, and to immerse myself in those points – and give myself fully to those points without being distracted with fear, and stress; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I move myself from within and as stress – I am not particularly effective at all – in-fact I am the opposite and I am only doing to feel productive – instead of doing to in-fact be productive
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that there is a difference between feeling as if I am productive, and in-fact being productive – and that feeling productive happens when I do something – but being productive happens when I am HERE fully while doing something – and participating with the point in a state of fully receptivity, and hereness – and I see, realize, and understand that such a point of productivity – can only exist when and as I accept and allow myself to give myself the necessary time, and space to walk the point effectively without having time on my shoulder as a demon screaming to me that “my time is up! And I need to immediately move to the next point!”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice giving myself time – in realizing that I have to push myself to in-fact allow myself to do less points – yet doing these points within having more time – as such allowing myself immerse myself more in the points and in-fact be productive instead of only feeling productive
When and as I see that I am rushing and trying to get “as many points done as possible” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I move myself from this starting point I am not being effective in what I am doing – and that I might feel productive but I am not in-fact productive as a real point; as such I commit myself to slow down and give myself the time to walk each point specifically – and accept the point that there is not unlimited with time – and as such I must focus my time on some points that I want to pursue – and that this is simply how this reality functions and is not something I can get away from; as such I commit myself to structure my time according to reality – and according to the point of giving myself the time necessary to effectively walk my responsibilities calmly, specifically, and effectively – here
When and as I see that I am stressing, and I am trying to get as many points done as possible – simply to get them done – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that to only do something doesn’t mean that I’ve in-fact done something effectively – and as such I realize that I need time, and space to walk a point effectively and that I must give myself this; as such I commit myself to stop trying to save time – and instead use the time I need to walk a point effectively until I am satisfied with the point
When and as I see that I am in a state of hastiness, and hurriedness – as trying to get things done now – fast – and save time; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am within this compromising myself and the points I am walking – because I am not walking them with the necessary diligence, and specificity – but instead mass-producing without any regard for quality; as such I commit myself to practice patience – and practice producing quality and being okay with using the time I need, and require to walk a point effectively, and specifically until I am satisfied with myself
When and as I see that I am structuring my time to get as many points done as possible, in fear of missing out – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t do everything – it’s not physically possible – and as such it’s better that I focus upon some points, and stabilize myself effectively within these – and make sure that I have the time to pursue these points effectively; as such I commit myself to structure the time of my day not around fear of missing out – but instead around using my time effectively and giving myself the time I need to walk a point specifically, and detailed
When and as I feel productive because I stress, and get “many things done” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that feeling productive is not the same as in-fact being productive, I mean there is a real difference – in that being productive is something that entails presence and actual quality – while feeling productive is just a internal mental experience and nothing real; as such I commit myself to in-fact be productive – which entails that I am HERE and that I dedicate myself to the point that I am walking and not only try to get it done as fast as possible
I commit myself to give myself the time necessary to walk the points I’ve selected for myself to walk effectively – and to prioritize my time – and to prioritize the points I am walking – to as such use my time effectively and not plan in to much, and not plan in to little – but instead plan perfectly; as such I commit myself to practice planning my time effectively to support productivity instead of stress