Day 60: Bernard and My Journey To Life

About 6 years ago I was sitting by a computer in Thailand. I was working as a volunteer at a school, helping the English teacher to make her student’s pronunciations of the English language more effective. I was bored with my life, and I felt genuinely lost. I was scurrying about trying to find “my purpose” and this was the reason as to why I was at this Thai-school.

I’d searched both high, and low for my so called “purpose” and I believed I’d found it in drugs, and playing music – and apparently that was what life was all about. During that time I’d begun to investigate Taoism and more specifically the writings of Lao Tzu which I found to be extremely clear, and mind-blowing in their simplicity and clear-cut common sense.

This particular day as I was sitting behind the computer I was investigating videos about Taoism on YouTube – I had just found a quite fascinating video that displayed how milk was mixed with coffee, and the interesting patterns that is formed when you take your spoon and then mix the two substances; it’s like a white brown tornado that slowly but surely turns into the color of brown. As I was done with the video I looked on the right of the webpage to see if there where any cool “related videos” – and yes there was one that seemed to be interesting. The thumbnail of the video showed a little girl, or boy (I wasn’t really sure) that was looking straight into the camera with only a white wall as backdrop. The title was something like “Lao Tzu and breath” – I don’t remember exactly. Anyway – this brought up some curiosity within me and I clicked on the link.

bernardpoolmanLittle did I know that this one click was to change my life forever, and that this one click would send me into a existential orbit crash course with a man called Bernard, which is the person that this blog will be dedicated too. Not the person per say – because the thing with Bernard is that he wasn’t really a person – not a person with a particular personality, with memories, with ideas, with opinions, with ideals – he was none of that – he was simply Bernard; and it’s fascinating because even though I knew Bernard for a long time – I can’t really in anyway define who or what Bernard was as a person – and that is simply because Bernard was something much more than a person – he was a standing ovation to a principle that have always been present in existence, yet it’s been scuffed away to exist in the deepest crevices of our minds so we would never have to face this truth; that we as individuals can’t ever be more than this truth – this principle – which is the principle of oneness and equality as life – implying that we as individuals can never be more than the group – and unless we live in alignment with the group and consider others as ourselves – we are lies – we do not in-fact exist.

Thus – to continue – I clicked the link and the video began. A girl showed up, she looked into the camera, took a deep breath in, and sighed and within that her body became relaxed. Then she suddenly took a big breath in, raised her upper-body, opened her eyes, and said: “Hi, this is Lao Tzu!” – now immediately as I saw this I was completely captivated – I knew that this was something completely unique, something that I’d never witnessed before – the authenticity, the genuineness was absolute – it was unquestionable – and even though my mind went: “this can’t be real! It’s fake!” – in the depth of my being I knew that I’d found something that would change my life forever – in a way I’d found what I’d been searching – my so-called purpose.

This was how I first came into contact with Desteni – and I learned that the girl’s name was Sunette, and that she was in-fact a portal – which meant that beings from the afterlife, or as it’s also called, the interdimensional existence, could come through her body and speak effortlessly.

During the next years I would immerse myself completely into the Desteni material, read everything, watch all interviews, and follow the activity on the forum diligently – I knew that this was my calling – this was what I’d been looking for in my life. In my process of immersion in the material I became aware of another figure besides the portal that roused my interest – and this person wrote articles, and also commented on the forum – and he had the mysterious pseudonym “Eagle” – as I read his articles, and his comments I realized that this person was not your ordinary human-being – this was someone that had such a depth of understanding of how things in-fact worked that it could in a way be sensed simply through reading his writings.

I mean – to read something that this person wrote was like reading truth – meaning that I could somehow touch, and feel the authority, the substance, the complete certainty of the words – it felt like the words were eternal, timeless, that they had never been written by someone but had always been here and that they were simply a part of what was here – and that arguing with these words was simply stupidity because it wasn’t a opinion, it wasn’t a idea – it was simply REAL – it was a taste of REALITY as that which is a FACT and that can’t be debated – just as you can’t debate the physical laws of this reality – I mean you can but that won’t mean that the physical laws become less real.

This mysterious person called “Eagle” would in time be revealed as being Bernard. Through my continued participation in the Desteni group I got to learn that Bernard lived on a farm in South Africa together with a bunch of other people – and all of these were actively involved in the forum that Desteni was managing.

After a year of participating with Desteni I asked if I could come and visit the farm. This was at that point a option for those that participated in the so-called “inner-circle” of the Desteni-group; which is not implying any form of pyramid-scheme, or cultish initiation process – it was simply that those that did their writings, and participated frequently in on the forum – was allowed to go and live on the farm; and I will add here – that this invitation included FREE accommodation, and FREE food – isn’t that something? I mean – where in the world will you be allowed to go completely free of charge after only knowing somebody for about a year? Huh? This should be a wake up call for those that believe that Desteni and the group of people involved with Desteni are in anyway out to “get your money” – I mean – that is just laughable – I know that you do not get people’s money through giving them free food, and free accommodation – that is simply common sense, isn’t it?

To my great pleasure my wish was granted, and I booked my flight, and excitedly prepared myself for my travel to the other side of the globe. Remember – I live in Sweden – so I was travelling to the other side of the world to live with people that I’d never before met in the flesh – and there was absolutely NO FEAR in me that I was going to be deceived, or tricked, or abducted, or something – why? Because – through only this one year that I’d participated with Desteni – I’d been a witness to the absolute integrity of this man called Bernard – and the absolute consistency of this man called Bernard – and the absolute dedication to the formation of a better world of this man Bernard – I’d seen with my own eyes that this was a man – a group of people – that was sincere.

This should also be a point of concern for those that have allowed themselves to become brainwashed in believing that Bernard was somehow evil, that Bernard apparently “captured” and “manipulated” young woman to use as his sex-slaves – really – it’s pathetic to believe in such absolute LIES without EVER having met Bernard. It really shows a lack of character, and an inability to handle the most basic life-skills of being able to question, and cross-reference information that an anonymous person throws at your face. Those that believe Desteni is a scheme, and that Bernard was the leader, understand: you’re brainwashed – and you don’t have a clue because you’ve never investigated – I on the other and – I am direct witness of this man Bernard – I’ve walked with him for over 5 years – I’ve talked with him, seen him play with dogs, and help people from all around the world regardless of their problems; and within this I will also add that – I am the living proof that Bernard was a being of unquestionable honor, and integrity – because I am in a way a product of Bernard’s assistance and support – which he’s given to me through out the years through sharing explicitly direct, and confronting truths about me to myself – and for that I will be forever grateful.

Thus – really – those that in anyway slander Bernard – understand that you’re really the EVIL of this world – the very problem that have caused our world to become a prison of innumerable atrocities – because you dare to abuse life, dare to question that which is best for all – and dare to slander that which is truly magnificent – that is the opposite of LIVE which is EVIL.

So – I think it was towards the end of 2009 that I arrived in South Africa, and arrived at the farm. Realize that during this visit I’d placed myself in a mental condition that was severely unstable, and in-effective – due to having misused, and misunderstood the message of Desteni for some time – I mean; it was a consequence of my basic design of “wanting to be more” that made me misinterpret what Desteni shared. Though – even in my state of in-effective mental functioning I was embraced at the farm with open arms. I mean – I should clarify here that what I mean with in-effective mental condition was that I’d through self-judgment internalized myself into a state of extreme self-doubt, and inferiority – where I in essence couldn’t anymore speak and have a normal conversation – lol – so I mean I’d created lot’s of shit than actually transcending shit. Regardless – when I came to the farm I was cared for and given a bed to sleep in, given massage to let go of my extensive anxiety, and supported to accustom myself to the new environment. This proves that Desteni is not about helping only those that “fit in” – no – Desteni is about helping EVERYONE regardless of their state of being – all deserve to have a fulfilling and enjoyable life.

Let’s continue – I vividly remember the first time I was introduced to Bernard because it was such a contrast to what I’d imagined it would be. See – I’d imagined that Bernard would be this all powerful, superior, intelligent being – that would simply swoop me off my feet and make me go to some enlightenment-plane in existence – the reality on the other hand was completely different.

I got off the car, and I was guided into the main-house – and there – surrounded by tons of people was Bernard – and he sat relaxed in a office chair by his computer. As I came in I went to him – I shook his hand – and he said something like “this must be Viktor?” – lol – at that point I was very anxious, and nervous – but what stuck with me was how normal Bernard was. He was a NORMAL human-being – he wasn’t more than anyone – he used words like fuck, shit, stupid, boring – he walked, he ate, he slept, and was completely physically like other human beings – and this is what stuck with me; the realization that living a principle doesn’t make me more than anyone else – it simply implies that I am living by a principle.

Though obviously – Bernard was not like any normal human-being – because even though he talked, moved, and interacted in a way that can be considered normal – through his words, through his interactions there was always shining through a unmovable strength, authority, and assertiveness – Bernard wasn’t someone you fuck around with to say the least – Bernard stood by what is best for all and this was evident in each and every single aspect of Bernard’s life.

When he spoke to me about my acceptances – and showed me how I’d compromised life to satisfy my own self-interest – I knew that the words coming out from this man’s mouth are not debatable – they are so substantial, so completely genuine that they would cut through my shit and get to me at the very depths of my being; and to this day I can still vividly recall verbatim various things Bernard have said to me – and I have these statements come up within me when I see that I participate within a point in my life that I know is not best for all; then it’s there – these words that stand eternal, and timeless – because they are not spoken by a man – they are spoken by that which is real – LIFE – as that which we all have in common, as the principle that can’t be removed, or destroyed – it can be denied but in the end – at death – not even denial can save us from reality – which is that LIFE comes with RESPONSIBILITIES and that if we don’t honor these – we are in-fact abusers and must pay a price.

I stayed at the farm for 6 months and during this time I got to see, and experience the life, and the principles that Bernard lived by in practical, living, physical application. And during this time – I must say – Bernard did in a way save me from my own worst enemy – my inner me – because up to this point in my life I’d actively destroyed myself, and placed myself in a position of total mental compromise, and totally giving up on all my opportunities, and chances to make my life work in the system – I was in the real sense of the word a looser. But – Bernard would not take that – he would not have it that way – and over my stay he repeatedly showed me my deception – he yelled at me, he spoke softly with me, he joked with me, he listened to me, he was there for me, he fucked around with me to make me see my delusions of grandeur, he pushed my buttons, he laughed with me, he considered me – he was the greatest support and assistance that I’ve ever had in my life and he showed me that there is another way to live – I can live by principles – I can live by words of my own design that are best for all; I can create myself to become a real trustworthy human-being that has no agenda – but one: to create a world that is best for all in every way possible.

I particularly have one vivid memory of Bernard, and that is when I’d just arrived at the farm – Bernard was taking me for a tour around the farm and showing me various important locations. Now – during this short tour what came up within me was a sense of warmth – because what I was seeing was that this man took his time to show me my accommodations, not because he wanted to feel good, not to make money – but because of a actual care, and consideration. And in a way I was at that staged shocked, because I’d never experienced, or seen such a point of care in my life – and I mean this care was towards somewhat of a stranger because I’d not know Bernard for that long; yet still – he walked with me through the farm and showed me all the points – and only through that small point I was able to practically, physically get a real understanding of what it means to do unto another as you’d like to be done unto you – I mean – because this was a real actual example of how to walk that point and not only a spiritual feeling – that “I feel compassionate with you, but you I won’t really ever help you”. It was the real thing.

Now Bernard has passed away, and he’s not anymore here to show by example what we all can become if we will ourselves, and dedicate ourselves to let go of our self-interest, and actually live our words – it’s indeed a loss of unprecedented proportions but his death is not the end – because Bernard was not only a man of flesh and blood – he was a living a example – and this means that Bernard was not unique but had created himself to stand, and live as self-perfection – not through luck, or the grace of god – but through systematic action, and daily movement – Bernard had in-fact created himself to be what he was through his own willing and by using simple tools that are available for everyone. Thus – Bernard is not dead – Bernard is a point that exists within each and everyone of us and it’s the potential of what we can become in this lifetime if we dare to walk through, and let go of our self-interest and in-fact stand by a principle that is more than only our own life – but a principle that considers ALL LIFE regardless of form or shape.

Thus – we as humanity have a responsibility to re-birth Bernard as ourselves – within the understanding that Bernard represented an outcome, and a outflow of a specific tangible process that can be walked by each and everyone – that Bernard was not special but a product of his own design – and that we all hold the tools necessary to build ourselves to be a product equal in integrity, and authority – and this is what we’re walking in the Desteni group, and through the seven year journey to life – we’re in-fact stating that Bernard can’t be dead unless we accept and allow Bernard to be dead – because we hold to key’s – we hold the understanding of how to practically in physical reality create the product of accumulated time that Bernard represented – it’s not magic; it’s the science of accumulated effort = 1 + 1 = 2.

I will be forever grateful that Bernard came into my life and shock me out of my sleepwalking existence – and showed me what it really means to live, and give life your all – and obviously I will not accept and allow the gifts Bernard have given to me to become but a memory, but a nostalgic feeling of “how much I liked Bernard” – no – I will take these gifts and integrate them as my very flesh, and I commit myself to through a process birth myself as life from the physical and stand as the second coming of Bernard – I mean –Bernard is not exclusive to Bernard – he’s the life we can all become if we dare to walk no matter what – and until it’s done. Obviously I will not settle for less than getting this done – and within this I am grateful to walk this process with the other Destonians – I thank you all! You are a great support – and it’s clear that Bernard’s death will certainly not be the end of anything – because Desteni will continue – because LIFE can’t be destroyed as it’s not about the person – it’s about the principle.

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6 thoughts on “Day 60: Bernard and My Journey To Life

  1. Katie Conklin

    Cool Viktor – it’s fascinating even how none of us had a “special” experience with Bernard – we all have the same story, because Bernard faced us all equally. Thank you for sharing.

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  4. Sofia

    Gracias Viktor! Por supuesto que no es el fin al contrario es el principio de una nueva vida para todos en el planeta porque BERNARD POOLMAN no se ha ido, EL VIVE AQUI DENTRO DE TODOS NOSOTROS, EN CADA ATOMO A TRAVES DE SUS PALABRAS Y SU EJEMPLO VIVO DE VIDA.

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