Day 61: Competition and Infected Vocabulary

Competition – has been, and is still in many facets of my life my primary motivation to move myself.

How can I see this?

Well, I’ve become aware that there exists jealousy within me in relation to particular points, and beings in my world, and now jealousy is intimately related to competition – because jealousy comes up when I’ve lost the competition and I am now the looser.

So, what is it that I want to win, what is it that I desire to have, what is it that I feel I gain through competition?

It’s simple – it’s a feeling importance, of feeling of mattering, and of being someone; so what this shows me is a fascinating point – I’ve defined mattering, importance, and being someone as energy; thinking that I am only able to be these points when I experience a particular excitement within me, and I feel that I’ve won.

Obviously, this is a misunderstanding of the words importance, matter, and being someone – because in essence all of these points are physical; for example – being important, or doing something important is simply considering and walking a practical, physical point that have a influence on myself or others – it’s thus me handling a physical point and nothing more; there is no energy involved, there is no superiority, or inferiority involved – it’s simply important.

The point of mattering – this is clear, because obviously I am able to matter without having a experience. Actually, I am mattering in all moments whether I want it or not, because whatever I do it have a effect that is of matter, and I am here within and as matter – thus the point of wanting to matter is really delusion because I do matter in every moment, that is the consequence of being here in the physical with and as my human physical body.

pile-of-wordsThe same goes with the point of “being someone” – really – I am all the time someone – some one – one person; that is me and it can’t be changed – I am some one. Thus – trying to become someone is really delusional, and it’s not really about becoming someone, it’s about having a particular energy that I’ve defined as being “someone” – while in-fact I can live, or I do already live, being someone in every moment of breath.

Thus – what I am able to see is that I’ve misunderstood words, and created false, and ineffective definitions of words, which have made me misinterpret, and misunderstand reality, and made me ineffective in living – because I am searching for, and trying to live out my illusion, while this will obviously clash with the actual physical reality that is not of illusion.

This also shows the importance of clearing, and purifying one’s vocabulary, because the vocabulary is one’s MAP – it’s the GPS that one use to guide oneself in this physical reality, and when this point consists of false information, one’s living, and one’s course in this physical reality will be equal and one, false and misdirected.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, and participate within and as in-effective, dysfunctional, and false definitions to the words of importance, matter, and being someone – thinking, perceiving, and believing that I must be something else, and must generate some type of energetic possession within me in order to live these words – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my vocabulary ineffective definitions, and bias my vocabulary to exist within and as energy, and experience, instead of seeing physical reality direct here without interpretation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how it is that I’ve limited myself through infecting my vocabulary with definitions that are not sound, specific, physical, and direct – but instead defining my words within and as energy – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that being important is a actual physical point that doesn’t make one more, or less than – but it’s simply a physical definition as being important; as having responsibility for a point that have a substantial effect on the physical reality and thus must be directed – that is important

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that value of having a clear vocabulary, and understand that my effectiveness in this world will not be optimal unless my vocabulary is optimal, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is something wrong with me when I have experiences, when I do not seem to be able to function in this world properly, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that there is nothing wrong with me, but there is something wrong with my GPS, which is my MAP of this world, which is my vocabulary, because this point has not been installed, directed, and specified properly and thus I have not effective guide in this reality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this point of competition that I am facing, is in-fact not implying that there is something wrong with me, that I am bad, and that these reactions of competition imply that I am a naughty, and immoral person – it simply shows me that I’ve aligned myself with an ineffective definition in relation to the point of competition, wherein I’ve allowed myself to define interaction, and moving myself with others to be a competition, and to be infested with energy, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that I don’t have to live competition in this way, and that I don’t have be enslaved to the point of competition as defining myself to a energy as competition, but that I am able to clear, and purify my vocabulary, and bring myself back here to breath, and walk within and as physical equality and oneness, here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself when and as I go into competition, and to immediately as I react within jealousy, or wanting to compete, or wanting to win, judge myself as being bad – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that it have nothing to do with being bad, being wrong, or being evil – I mean it has to do with my programming, and how I’ve programmed my vocabulary to be in conflict with reality as the physical, thus generating energy instead of aligning my vocabulary with the physical, allowing myself to move in oneness and equality with what is here, and to see what is here without interpretation but see directly without bias, or judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I go into jealousy, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that jealousy is nothing bad, but it’s in-fact only a product of a misalignment in my vocabulary as my physical living – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that this misalignment is about how I’ve defined myself to be inferior, and less than others, thinking that I must fight to prove myself, to be seen, and to be noticed – and unless I am – I am apparently completely worthless, and without any form of value; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself to compete, too fight, and to struggle, instead of remaining here and walking with and as my human physical body as what is best for all, thus re-defining my vocabulary to be in alignment with the principle of the physical as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the competition I experience is real, is factual, is actual, and is something that I must define myself according too, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this point of competition is in-fact completely false, it’s only a outflow of a misaligned point of vocabulary and is thus a illusion that doesn’t in-fact exist, it’s only a repercussion because I’ve allowed myself to live in conflict with and as the physical as what is real; and thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to re-align my vocabulary, to instead of looking at other human beings within and as the starting point of competition, to instead look at other human beings from a starting point of learning from them, from a starting point of seeing their strengths and making their strengths mine, and seeing their weaknesses and making sure that I don’t accept and allow the same points of weaknesses within and as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how it is that I’ve in-fact held myself back from changing myself, and re-aligning myself into and as physical living, because I’ve judged myself for my reactions, and focused all my attention unto my reactions, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that my reactions are not the origin point – my reactions are in-fact the outflow of me already having made decisions within me, and already having moved myself in such a way that I’ve stood in conflict with and as the physical and within this generated, and created energy – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here, and to understand that reactions aren’t bad, but that they show me that there is work to be done, wherein I must align my practical physical living to be what is best for all with and as the physical here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself, and have myself go through pain, and hell – through me judging what I’ve become as a reactive being, as a system, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that judgment is a inferior way of dealing with, and walking the point of self-change – and what must be lived for change to become a manifest reality is understanding, and is gentleness – wherein I must get to know the mechanics of myself, and learn to operate myself in such a way that I do not generate energy as conflict – but that I live here within and as the physical in every moment of breath as what is best for all

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am living the words importance, matter, and being someone – as wanting and desiring to have attention, to be seen, and to experience some type of energy – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand how I’m within this living false, infested definition of the words, that are not aligned with and as physical reality – as such I commit myself to delete, and remove these definitions and live importance, matter, and being someone as actual physical expressions HERE – that have a clear definition that is practically effective in my day to day life

When and as I see that I am limiting myself through living myself as vocabulary that is infected with energy, as experience, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is the reason as to why I experience myself unstable, it’s because my vocabulary is not in itself stable but in-fact infected with misaligned definitions, and filled with assumptions and no direct reality relationship; as such I commit myself to live words as their actual physical meaning – and to not anymore live words as a energetic experience

When and as I am judging myself when I have reactions, and I blame myself that I go into competition, or act in a way that is not best for all – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand how this way of living, and interacting with myself is in-fact not taking into consideration how it’s not something wrong with ME per say, but something wrong with the instructions I’ve given to myself, as my vocabulary; as such I commit myself to re-align my vocabulary as what is best for all – and to understand that my reactions are indicators as to where I’ve not yet changed my vocabulary to be clear, specific and what is best for all

When and as I see that I go into a state of competition, as wanting to prove to others that I am the best – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that the idea of competition is a creation of the mind, as a misinterpretation of reality – wherein I’ve defined reality as being a struggle instead of realizing that reality is simply reality and that I am actively creating it to be a struggle; as such I commit myself to re-align myself with and as the physical and to stop competition and instead push myself to learn from others

When and as I see that I am blaming, or judging myself for going into a reaction, or experience, wherein I for example become jealous, or I go into competition, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand how this point of blaming myself is ineffective, and it doesn’t make sense – because what is happening is that my vocabulary is not properly aligned, and I mean this is nothing bad, or wrong, it’s simply a mechanical error that must be corrected through willing myself to in actual physical reality change my living statement of myself into and as what is best for all; as such I commit myself to instead of judging myself re-align my vocabulary as my living to in every moment be what is best for all – and do so through re-directing myself within and as breath HERE

When and as I see that I struggle, fight, and combat myself within myself, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize, and understand that self-change is not about fighting myself, it’s about changing myself – which is not a fight but it’s decision – and this decision is the lived here as one direction, wherein I instead of fight my ineffective points within me – direct these points as myself – and thus this is the difference between fighting, and directing – that in directing I take control, I take responsibility, I stop blaming, and I stop feeling less than, and I in-fact walk through the pain of self-change – through simply in every moment taking the responsibility to direct myself in a way that is best for all

When and as I see that I am looking at others, and their participation from a starting point of competition, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that competition doesn’t benefit me, or this world as a whole – and that I am able to in-fact utilize the example of others to expand myself, through learning from others, instead of fighting and competing with others; as such I commit myself to actively learn from others, and to utilize this point to change myself in the moment when I notice I go into competition – to ask myself – what can I learn from thus human-being and how can I apply it in my own life?

When and as I see that I go into judging my reactions, and reacting in relation to my reactions, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand how I am within and as reacting to my reactions prolonging myself from making the decision to change, and to change myself for real in and as physical actual living; as such I commit myself to stop reacting to myself as the mind, and instead focus upon immediate self-change here within and as breath

When and as I see that I am judging myself, instead of changing – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand how it won’t assist, and support me to judge myself, and that this merely makes it more difficult for me to change – thus I commit myself to move myself to self-change immediately instead of going into and as the point of judging myself when I’ve seen, and located a particular point of self-dishonesty within and as me

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3 thoughts on “Day 61: Competition and Infected Vocabulary

  1. Pingback: Dag 275: Att Våga Riskera Allt | Viktor Persson

  2. Pingback: DisMISSING The Value of Self: DAY 233 | Anna's Journey to Life

  3. Pingback: Day 125: Communication, or the Lack Thereof | Viktor Persson

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