Now, something fascinating that I’ve noticed with inferiority and fear is that it comes up with specific persons, and it’s very much related to his-story, also history, because – I will within my mind evaluate a person, define their worth, according to who I think that person is, and this assumption will be based on my conjured fantasy in my mind about the story of the other persons life.
Though there will also be other aspects that creates this experience of inferiority, but history, and my perception about the other human being, as to what type of life they live, whether they have a big social network or not, whether they have much money or not, whether they hold a position of responsibility or not, these are things that will influence my stability and expression with another human being.
Thus at the moment I will change my expression of myself depending who I believe the other person to be, depending on the worth I believe they have in relation to me – and this value can either be positive or negative, either more or less than my own perceived value.
What is fascinating is that I am within this missing the point of equality; which means that everyone is made out of the same stuff. When I remove his-story, as the perceived history of each being, I mean, what is left is the physical – and within that it’s easy to see that me changing depending on who it is that I am interacting with is delusional, and it’s a form of self-compromise, wherein I compromise myself as my natural expression and give into fear, as I am IN FEAR, as inferiority.
Another aspect that is fascinating is that I am changing myself upon the basis of the picture of another that I see, and I mean this picture of another is not the entirety of another being, it’s just one very small part of them – but in giving all value to this picture, and perceiving that picture of another to be “all of them” – I am missing to actually get to know another human-being as who they are, which will take time, and being able to be open and intimate, and not judge, or create any pre-conceived ideas about another.
Thus, I will today work with this point of going into immediate reaction of inferiority upon the basis of who I believe another to be, based on how they look, what education they have, what career they have, or what social groups they interact with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear, and inferiority when communicating with another human being, thinking and believing that another human being is worth more than me, because they speak different than me, or they interact with other people, or their life is different from mine, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and define human beings on the basis of context, and on the basis of the picture that I see, instead of seeing direct here within and as oneness and equality, and not creating a bias or a judgment of another, but simply seeing that in the flesh – here – regardless of one’s context were as human beings all the same
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear expressing myself, and sharing myself with beings that perceive to have a position of responsibility, and a position of importance, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior, and worthless, and meaningless in comparison to this other person, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am missing the physical here, I am missing that equality is here within and as the physical and that I don’t have to hold unto this fear, but that I am instead able to stand eye to eye to all beings in this existence regardless of their past, regardless of their social standing in this world; in realizing that no one is more, or less than another because we all meet in the physical here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that I am inferior to another, and that this just the way things work, and that there is nothing I can do about this because I am apparently as a human being, a failure, and thus I must place myself in a position of inferiority, and insubordination, and simply allow myself to make the best of it, as in at least making sure that I don’t loose my position that I have at the moment; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not BREATH, and realize that HERE as BREATH there is no more than, or less than, because here as breath we’re all equal and one – and there is ONE physical, there is ONE breath, there is ONE earth – and thus we’re all equal in that; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully align myself with and as the physical and stand with and as the physical HERE
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive, and define myself as being a nuisance when contacting, or speaking with certain individuals in my world, thinking and believing that they have more value than me, and accordingly I must make sure that I keep them happy, that I don’t take up too much of their time, and that I make sure I remember my position as me being inferior; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit, and hold myself back in interaction with others, through participating within and as inferiority, through participating within and as feeling less than, and fearing that I will be ridiculed, or attacked if I am to express myself unconditionally and fully in every moment of breath
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when this inferiority come up within me, I have a decision to make, to either continue to accept and allow inferiority to be the directive of and as my life, or stand up HERE and make sure that I am the directive of my life, and that I do not accept and allow inferiority to in anyway be the directive principle of me, but that I dare to express myself, I dare to move myself, I dare to be seen, to be heard, to be HERE and participate with others without thinking that I am less than
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to take a stand in accepting myself as equal with others, as realizing that I am not less than, and I am not more than, and thus there is nothing I need to protect, there is nothing I need to fear, there is nothing I need to become and be for others, because I am here as breath, as the physical – and I mean that is purity, that is fulfillment, that is all that there is – HERE
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the simplicity of living equality and oneness – as it’s in-fact being HERE and not using the mind as the past to direct me, but instead seeing direct, moving myself direct, and standing here, living here, participating here, DIRECT and without a mind; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to my human physical body, and when I experience a fear of speaking, a fear of expressing myself, and I see that I am suppressing myself because I fear being a nuisance, and I fear being in the way – that I stop myself and I bring myself back here – and I express myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the only person able to give me value, worth, and equality as me in-fact living, expressing myself, directing myself, that is me – and as such there is nothing to wait for, there is nothing to hope for, because in the end – the point to change my life is me; and that what I require is a decision and that I then take this decision into and as practical living application, that I move this decision into and as reality through physically moving, and directing myself as the words I’ve decided to live
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that another is not responsible for me feeling inferior, because it’s my decision to feel inferior, it’s my decision to suppress myself, it’s my decision to accept myself as inferior, it’s my decision to not express myself, it’s my decision to not live – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to actively change my participation, and to actively re-direct myself to not decide to live inferiority, to not decide to live less-than – but to instead live HERE with and as my human physical body in equality and oneness in realizing that this is the solution and that I am the one that I’ve been waiting for this entire time
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing myself with others thinking that I am in the way when I share myself with others, and that mostly I’ve got nothing of relevance, and importance to say, and thus it’s better that I shut up, and that I simply remain quite – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit, suppress, and hold myself back – and to not change myself in realizing that I do like to express myself, and I do see that it benefits me, that I enjoy myself, and that I mean it’s not irrelevant what I have to share, and that it’s not of no importance, but that it’s me that judge myself before I’ve even expressed and moved myself, as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here and allow myself to make that leap within myself of realizing that: it’s up to me if I want to live in this life or not
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that I need to hold unto my inferiority, because if I was to let go, then maybe I would completely explode into my world as this point of uncontrollable expression, and that people would be pissed of at me, and that I would ruin all the relationships in my world; and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that this is a justification as fear, a seemingly rational point that in essence is nothing but bullshit, and that I use to not have to change – to not have to move, and direct myself, to not have to actually step of my game and become and live that which I want and desire to live – as a human being that is comfortable, that is at ease – and that is confident and without any issues or problems
When and as I see that I am going into inferiority – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize, and understand that at this moment I have a decision to make – and the decision is: will I remain in inferiority or will I change and live? And within this I see that the obvious decision is to change, because that is honoring myself, that is in-fact living, and that is in-fact making my life on this earth worthwhile; as such I commit myself to change – to straighten up my back, and to make a directive decision as to who I am in the moment – as I speak, or I don’t speak, or I move myself, or I direct this point – and to not allow my decision to be of inferiority – but instead a self-directed decision as what is best for me
When and as I see that I go into self suppression, because I think that I am inferior to another, and thus I should shut up, and I shouldn’t express myself because I am not worth it, and I should just remain in the background; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is me fucking myself up inside myself, wherein I am in-fact destroying my life, destroying my opportunity to be here and direct myself and enjoy myself in this world, because I believe that this experience of inferiority is real, when it’s really just bullshit and energy that is not physical; as such I commit myself to express myself, to move and direct myself, and to realize that I decide who I am – and that inferiority does not decide who I am
When and as I see that I am going into and as a state of self-suppression, as holding unto fear, and believing that fear is my god, and that when fear comes up within me, I better listen to this fear because apparently it has something important to tell me about who I am, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t accept and allow this fear to remain within me, because this fear kills me literally, because all that I become is but a slave to fear, as someone that does what fear tells me to do, and not evaluating and assessing the common sense of a moment; as such I commit myself to move, and direct myself HERE as common sense and to transcend, challenge, and move through my fear, in realizing that my fear can’t control me – I control and direct myself