Day 68: Response Seeker Personality

School have started again, and this implies meeting new people, it implies working together with new people, and this is obviously a very cool time to face various reactions within myself.

For anyone reading this blog, remember that this blog and everything mentioned within it is not to feed sensationalism, or blame; meaning – when I mention situations it’s not because the situation in itself is important, but because it’s effective to clarify the context of the situation because that opens up a door into one self to see how it is that one created the particular pattern one is working with.

mouth-to-screen-to-earSo, I am writing this to make it clear that my writings are in no way a matter of placing importance on the persons, but what it’s important is to face the various patterns existent within myself, and these patterns aren’t personal at all, they are merely deeply rooted misaligned assumptions of how this world functions, that have for the most been created in the early child hood. Thus, here in this blog I am working with taking a part, and walking through such misaligned points, to bring them back here into the physical and align them with effective vocabulary to not anymore be in conflict with reality.

Okay, today I will work with a particular pattern that came up while I was sharing myself with some friends in regards to some points that I’ve investigated. Now, as I shared my findings I experienced myself proud, and good, because I was sharing and giving of my hard work, where I’d proved myself and been able to produce some material. So, the reaction came up when I’d shared myself and my friends responded to me. Because they did not respond as I hoped, but instead I felt that they ignored me, and didn’t hear me out properly; and in that moment I immediately went into a fear, and a sense drawing myself back within myself in order to protect me, and make sure that I wasn’t harmed.

So, what happened was that I judged myself, and went into a fear, and isolation because I didn’t receive the particular response that I desired – and obviously that is completely limiting.

Now, I listened to a interview today that walks this point of taking things personally – and you can buy it here, which I really suggest that you do https://eqafe.com/p/making-things-personal-reptilians-part-223

Accordingly, this is the point I will work with today – taking it a part and releasing this possession within me through self-forgiveness, and also designing effective solutions to correct the points.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things personally, and to limit myself through, when I am speaking, to desire and want, and need a particular response from the people I am speaking with, as a response where I feel accepted, and as if they’ve listened to me, and as if they’ve considered what I’ve said as being effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in communication through wanting and desiring a particular response, and to get something back when I say something, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this is limitation because it implies that I fear speaking unconditionally, and that I fear speaking without controlling myself, and making sure that there is a point of sensationalism in my words, and that I will be accepted when I speak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I share, speak, move and direct myself, to hold unto a hope that I will be accepted, and that I will be positively embraced by another as the words that I am speaking, and sharing; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and hold myself back in my speaking, to only say such things that I know will be received with a sense of positivity, and a sense of feeling satisfied, and feeling good

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself, and perceive myself as having said something that is wrong, and that is not okay, when it is that I share myself, and I don’t receive a positive feedback, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on judging myself instead of me speaking, and sharing myself, and thus focus on how others receive me, instead of me speaking, and sharing, and directing myself effectively here; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my focus, attention, and presence be outside of myself, somewhere out there, instead of my presence, attention, and focus being HERE with me in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back in sharing and expressing myself with others, because I fear that I will not be received as I hope, and that I will not be thought of, and considered, and spoken to, as I hope; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that to exist within worry, and fear of how others will experience me will limit me completely in my movement, and expression of and as myself, wherein I will only do that which I hope that others are going to respond positively towards, and not accept and allow myself to in-fact be me, and express myself self-honestly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allowed myself to express myself self-honestly, and to make it simple to be me in the moment, wherein I simply share myself, direct myself, and accept myself, and I stop holding unto this sense of me feeling that “it’s not quite right” and that “there is something I am doing wrong” – and that “I must change something about myself to become better than, and more than” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the gift of simply sharing, moving, and directing myself here within and as breath; realizing that in the simplicity of breath I am able to find myself, share myself, and be here with my physical body and express myself self-honestly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that if I have any reaction to how others respond to what I say, and how I share, and move myself, then this means I am still limited, and I am still existent within and as fear, and that I still want and desire to be accepted, acknowledged, and considered in some kind of positive light by others; within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I mean letting myself release this pattern will allow me to be me, and to express myself unconditionally regardless of with whom I am, or where I am, and that my focus is not upon being accepted by others, but it’s upon me sharing, and expressing, and enjoying myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that in allowing myself to speak unconditionally, to speak as me here, I don’t require another to accept me, because I’ve already accepted myself, and I don’t require another to respond positively to me, because I stand stable within who I am, and I don’t accept and allow myself to be moved, directed, or influenced by another’s experience; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, bring myself back here to the physical – and accept and allow myself to align myself with my human physical body, in realizing that HERE is the key for me to share and express myself as myself, because my body is a direct connection to HERE of the physical as LIFE as in-fact expressing myself as what is best for all in every moment of breath here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand that freedom, and fulfillment is not found by being able to be liked by others, it’s not found by finding, and establish “my point” in this system, as various possessions that I am able to define myself towards; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here, and realize that they key to effective living is in-fact a decision in every moment, wherein I decide who I am, I decide my direction, I decide my movement, I decide my way forward and I don’t accept and allow myself to be contained, and limited within and as fears, anxieties, and various points of and as the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that safety is not to be accepted by others, I mean that is not safety, to search for being accepted by others is a form of paranoia, in believing that self is apparently to weak to stand alone, and that self is always in need of, and require the acceptance of the group, and to have positive relationships in one’s world to build one’s self-definition; and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that in standing here as breath, steadfast, there is not fluctuation of energy, there is no search for something more than, because everything is here, and then I simply move and direct myself to express myself here within and as breath as the physical

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into and as a state of searching for a particular response from others, and that I change myself, and mold myself to make sure that others think of me in a particular way that I choose, and decide in fear of being disliked; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is self-limitation, and that living in the response-seeking-mode is in-fact me slowly killing myself because I don’t accept and allow myself to live unconditionally, to live here, and to live without withholding myself within me in a state of inferiority, and fear; as such I commit myself to focus on living in every moment, to focus on me sharing and expressing myself, and not unto how others might experience, and feel about me sharing, expressing, and moving myself here

I commit myself to stop my paranoia of fear of not being accepted, and to instead move, and direct myself HERE in every moment – and live HERE with no fear; and instead speak, and live unconditionally with seeking a particular response in return

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One thought on “Day 68: Response Seeker Personality

  1. Pingback: Changing our Brainwashed Value-System to Principled Living: DAY 239 | Anna's Journey to Life

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