Day 75: Defeatism as the Perfect Excuse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a experience of inferiority, and sadness when perceiving that someone is dissatisfied with me, and perceiving that someone thinks that I’ve done wrong – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto this state of sadness and inferiority from a starting point of blame, as holding unto these experiences in order to be able to point a finger to the other person, believing that they are the cause of my experience instead of realizing that this experience of inferiority, and sadness existed within me latently even before the actual activation took place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize experiences such as sadness, and inferiority in order to hide from responsibility, and in order to hide from solutions, and in order to hide from my life, wherein I go into these experiences and then pretend that I have no directive power, and that I have no directive control, but that I am apparently at the mercy of these very uncomfortable experiences – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that everything is deliberate – and that as such these experiences are a deliberate escape mechanism – as the perfect excuse for me to use so that I can blame another, and not take responsibility for myself and walk the moment into and as a solution that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a experience of feeling low, and feeling defeated, and deflated, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another, and to see, and regard, and define another as being the problem, and being the issue for and of my experience of feeling defeated, and deflated – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I am accepting and allowing these experiences within me, and as such they have got nothing to do with another – as such any form of blame is simply ridiculous, and the only obvious point to walk is to take self-responsibility and walk my process of self-correction as not anymore accepting and allowing myself to be a slave to experiences, and to have experiences determine who I am within and as myself and my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately go into inferiority, and a state of defeatism because it means that I don’t have to stand responsible for myself, for my direction in life, and for the direction of my reality as a whole – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid responsibility because I fear responsibility, thinking and believing that when I stand responsible I am able to make mistakes, and become punished for these mistakes and be held accountable; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accountability – and to fear standing up in my life to take greater responsibility – because it implies that I must actually make sure that what I live, and what I stand as is what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize emotions to run away from accountability, and to put myself in a state of debilitation – wherein apparently I am to weak to move myself – instead of seeing, realizing and understand that I am not to weak – and that thinking that I am weak is just a method that I’ve developed so that I won’t have to stand up – because standing up implies that I have to live for real, to give for real, and to in-fact move myself through resistance, and discomfort – because walking for real in this world implies that in-fact move myself and take action to implement what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I perceive that someone is blaming me, and being hard on me – to immediately go into a state of defeatism, and inferiority – wherein I think, and feel that I am being attacked, and thus I have the right to feel like shit – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that feeling like shit isn’t even real – that becoming emotional isn’t even a decision that I make in awareness as what is best for all – it’s just something that happens to me and that I’ve accepted and allowed to become a automatic state of being that simply activates and then I am apparently helpless to do anything about it – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up – breath and bring myself back here – and to see, realize, and understand that I can’t live by and through emotions, and a automatic mind that says to me who I am supposed to be – because it isn’t living – that is being zombiefied – and as such I commit myself to stop being automated – and to instead bring myself back here – to live self-directed and self-motivated in every moment of breath

When and as I see that I am going into a state, and experience of inferiority, sadness and defeatism – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I don’t have to accept and allow this experience to determine who I am, but that I am able to decide who I am, and how I experience myself – and that this requires me to not indulge in the mind – it requires me to stand as a pillar within and as myself that weathers all storms; as such I commit myself to stand as a stable pillar within me – grounded and standing stable on the earth here – and breath through the experience – and instead actively move myself to participate in the moment taking self-responsibility and direction to implement and walk what is best for all

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2 thoughts on “Day 75: Defeatism as the Perfect Excuse

  1. Pingback: Day 76: Determine Me Please | Viktor Persson

  2. Pingback: Day 80: I Don’t Want To Be Alone! | Viktor Persson

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