Day 83: Success and Career

One pattern that frequently comes up in my mind has to do with attaining a future career, and being successful in that career. This comes up in the form of fears, and anxieties towards future events that will influence the grade I’ll receive on my courses. It comes up in the form a sort of excitement, and feeling uplifted when I do receive a good grade, or I think about the future in terms of where I should work, or what I should study on-top of what I’ve already studied.

Of what I am able to see, this pattern is based upon the fear survival, as well as the fear of what others might, or might not think about me, as well as the fear of being forgotten; that as I die nobody will remember me, and nobody will look at my life and say within themselves that: “this was a great life”.

success ladderCareer is a interesting word, it sounds like carrier – as if career is a point that carries one through life, that one utilize to define oneself, to feel good about oneself, and to feel that one’s life have some type of purpose. I mean, looking at how most people exist in this world it’s clear that career is one of these points that are highly valued in the human mind. And everyone goes and defines themselves according to their career, and this is also a fascinating point, because the consequence of defining oneself to only one point in this life will be limitation. For example – consider a painter that sees himself only as a painter, will that painter then if the opportunity opens to do so, allow himself to immerse himself in the field of international politics, or car mechanics? Probably not, because the painter sees himself as a painter, that is what he do, that is his life-path, and that is his career.

In a way our career is that which we lean on because we’re not able to stand with integrity and pride with only ourselves, we feel that we need something more out there to give us some sense of value – some type of medallion; and our career have become that medallion – but really it’s extremely limited, and in-fact our focus shouldn’t be upon who we can become “out there” – it should be upon how we can change ourselves both within, and without, to be the best that we can be – both to ourselves and others in our world, and environment – so that we can become a carrier of ourselves, and require to be carried by money in order to stand effectively in this world.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely upon money, and to rely upon a career, to rely upon my education, to rely upon my grades, to rely upon the system to give me a sense of purpose, a sense of meaning, and a sense of fulfillment, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist, and live in fear of being rejected, and pushed away from the system because this would imply that I loose all of that which I’ve defined myself as in relation to the system, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of my self-definition in relation to the system – to let go of the fear of not being “carried” in the system in a direction within which others will see me as “effective” and “strong”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to have a carrier in the system, as a career, wherein I can become carried away and build a self-definition of myself as being a strong, and effective human-being due to what type of career that I am achieving – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose touch with life, to loose touch with the physical, to loose touch with that which is real, because it’s obvious that this which is real doesn’t require a carrier, it doesn’t require a career – because that which is here is simply here without any form of proof that it’s here; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to become carried through my life instead of standing with that which is real so that I stand here and that I don’t require to be carried

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a fear that I won’t achieve a effective career in my life, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear, and anxiety as what others are going to think about me if I don’t get an “effective career” and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly be worried, and fearful as to how others feel, and think about me, and to want to impress others, and show others that I have everything under control, and that I will be successful in this life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, bring myself back here – and to see, realize, and understand that success, money, and all that I achieve in this world will mean nothing when I die – and what will remain here when I die is simply ME with the question – “who am I? Have I in-fact lived, or have I merely been a slave to the mind?” – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of all things in this world and stand stable within and as me without feeling that I need to have something in this world to be stable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with making something out of myself in this life from a perspective of earning recognition, and earning appreciation from others, as being seen as someone that is effective, as someone that is strong, and as someone that has achieved in this life, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose perspective and not realize, that when I die, none of this will be of any relevance, and that what will be relevant is who I am, and how I’ve developed, and stabilized myself to be able to stand, and walk within and as oneness and equality with and as my human physical body, and how I’ve developed myself as the living word, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of all desires, wants, and needs to become someone in the system, to be important in this world, and to be recognized in this world, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give focus and attention to the points that are in-fact important – which is myself – which is my relationship with myself, and my relationship with the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not, when this fear comes up of not making it in this world, to immediately stop myself, and take a breath, and bring myself back here, and state within me that I won’t accept and allow to have my life become a monument to fear, a monument to desire, a monument to separation, but that I will instead push myself to make a life a living decision to walk what is best for all, to value life, to value support, to value actual expansion and not merely money; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make, and walk the decision, that I am here in this life, for a moment, to walk my process, and to within this support, and bring forth a new way of life that is best for all – a new human nature that supports life, and that gives as one would like to receive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed, and loose myself in desires, and dreams, and future projections, towards wanting to have a future wherein I have a successful career, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that I need and require a career, that I need and require money, that I need and require recognition in the system in order to be able to make something out of myself, and be satisfied with myself, and be effective within and as myself, and within my application of walking as life within oneness and equality with as my human physical body – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the system can’t offer me real stability, real satisfaction, and real comfort – because these are points that I must develop, create, and establish as myself – through practically living such words in each, and every moment of breath and within this not accepting and allowing myself to compromise my relationship with myself through focusing on what I apparently should become in the system to be satisfied with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, and desire to have a career, and to achieve in the educational system, and in the money system, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself too see and define myself as inferior, and as useless, and think that I must have a worth given to me by something outside of myself for me to be stable, and effective in my life, and living, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this is merely and excuse that I am using, for me to not stand up within and as myself, and to walk within as the system within and as self-direction, walking the principle of what is best for all, wherein I as such do not accept and allow myself to make out of my life a monument of supporting the current system of earth as abuse, but that I instead make my life, and each and every living moment, a monument of life – as what is best for all – wherein I contribute to stopping the abuse, stopping the rape of life – and instead bring forth a new way of living, and life that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself from following the fantasies, the hopes, and the expectations that come up in my mind of how I wish, and desire that “my life should become” – and instead push myself to remain here, to walk here, and to walk breath by breath – moment by moment – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here, and within this see, realize, and understand that when I go into and as the mind and accept and allow myself to become possessed with and as fantasies, hopes, expectations, and desires, I am in-fact compromising my living moment by moment application, and I am not allowing myself to life fully, to be fully present, fully here, fully able to direct what comes up here, and fully able to see what is here and direct myself according to what is here; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here, and within this commit myself to make my life, and each and every moment, a giving of myself to and as the physical, as allowing myself to merge myself with the physical, and become a living practical example of what is means to live fully here

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into fantasies, projections, and hopes about the future, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that my life, and real living, isn’t out there in a distant future, it’s not contained in a perfect career, in a so called stable life, it’s not to be found in money, and acquiring a top position in the system, but it’s instead to be found here in my moment to moment living application, and that is as such I am compromising myself when and as I accept and allow myself to go into these future projections, and hopes; as such I commit myself to practice, and perfect, walking HERE – living HERE – on a moment to moment basis – wherein my entire focus, presence, and beingness is here and not spread out in my mind in all sorts of illusory energetic dimensions

When and as I see that I am going into fear, and anxiety, worry, and concern, that my future will not turn out as I’ve hoped, and imagined it would turn out, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I do not have full control of my future, and this world is unpredictable, thus it’s really crazy to fear that my future won’t turn out as I’ve imagined it, because it won’t in way make it more certain that it will – and within this it’s also obvious that I won’t take with me anything when I die, and thus within this the question comes up: but is it then really worth it to worry, and fear about my future, my living, my money, and my direct reality – when it won’t in-fact have an effect upon who I am? As such I commit myself to bring myself back here and to focus my presence, and my awareness upon living HERE – directing each and every moment HERE – being completely here and not in my mind worrying, fearing, and stressing about an eventual future, and how this future might, or might not turn out to be

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6 thoughts on “Day 83: Success and Career

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