Day 86: The Worst Possible Outcome

I am continuing to work with fear in relation to money, work, and career.

blog_mistakeWhat I am able to see is that I through out my day will have these instances, the short statements occurring in my mind that are based in fear. For example: “I must get that done!” – or “I should work more with my studies” – or “I wonder if I’ll be able to get through this education with sufficient grades, maybe I should prepare myself if I am not able to do that?” – so these thoughts are a type of preparing for the future thought, preparing myself for the worst possible outcome, and the essence of them is fear of survival, fear of failure, and fear of the unknown.

What I also notice is that I have this undercurrent of a anxiety within me that is churning in my chest through my day; it’s subtle, and the energy is not very clearly defined, it’s more there all the time like a presence, a constant reminder that I must apparently watch out, be aware, and make sure that I make my utmost to survive – or else!

I realize that this particular fear has been with me most of my life and that it’s been the motivating force behind many of my decisions to learn certain skills, take particular projects, and excel within them – it’s been done in order for me to survive, or rather it’s be done as a way to handle my anxieties, and fears in relation to the future.

Obviously this problem can’t be solved through my trying to fight this fear of survival, and protect myself from it – I must find the origin point and remove it. My goal within all of this is to remove all of this survivalist fear from my life, so that I am able to simply walk in this system, in this world, without being constantly busy trying to protect myself from my the things I fear will happen. Many might think that this type of fear is natural, and that nothing can be done to change this experience; though this is not so – what must be understood is that everything we experience within ourselves is self-created – it didn’t just come from nowhere – it’s not just “human nature” – it’s really a self-developed system of limitation that is the cause for much of the separation we experience in our world today.

Because consider what is the outflow consequence of 7 billion human beings only caring for their own survival, and the survival of those closest to them – the result is a massive competition where we really create that which we fear, because we’re not able to trust, and support one another – instead each of us goes “our own way” in trying to survive, and get by in this world. Isn’t this the point from which war stems as well? The incessant desire to control resources, and protect one’s land, as the point from which food grows – all coming from the fear of survival – resulting in countries declaring war upon one another in order to protect, or expand the resources at their disposal, to as such secure their own personal survival.

Though, the simple point isn’t understood, that if we’d all stop only caring for ourselves, and our own personal survival, we’d be able to trust one another, support one another, and together make sure that all are cared for – and as such this fear of survival would be totally eradicated; because we’d all know that we’re cared for, that we have what we need, and that nobody can take this away from us.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry as a burden through out my life a constant anxiety, fear, and nervousness in relation to living, and existing here on this planet – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed and fully immersed within and as fear, and anxiety for my survival – wherein each and every breath that I take in this world will be taken within this fear, within a sort of adrenaline rush, wherein I am rushing within myself to try to protect myself from any and all apparent dangers that are out there constantly waiting their opportunity to attack me, and get me down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto, and create my life around the paranoia of survival, not realizing that survival isn’t worth when all I am doing with the time within which I am able to survive, is to fear for my survival, and is to fear that I won’t be able to make it through my day in one piece, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand, that the solution is not to fear, it’s not to try to protect myself this apparent bad, and nasty world, but it’s to let go of my need to control my future, to realize that death is unavoidable, and that I can’t live effectively if I constantly worry for my survival – but that I am only able to really live in-fact when I am clear, stable, here – without being split inside myself in constantly viewing my life through a worst case scenario in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stuck within me in a churning of thoughts around my survival, around my future, and around what might happen in my life, and what might not happen, and as such and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this fear, and this anxiety doesn’t support me, and doesn’t give life in anyway, it really just serves to keep me stuck and looping inside my mind, wherein I am in-fact missing the real life, as what is here around me in every breath as my physical reality, the physical life that is here; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and unconditionally let go of this anxiety and this fear and within this accept and allow myself to live – live meaning that I am able to be fully here and appreciate the moment here without any fear, or anxiety arising within and as my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my relationship with this anxiety, exist in a obedient state of following, wherein I believe that this anxiety, and fear is a god, apparently able to predict the future, and look at things objectively and warn me about them – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that anxiety, and fear is simply a mind and mental program, and point deliberately installed into me to keep me separate from life, from living, and from being here, and walking here with and as my human physical body; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here – and to unconditionally let go of this anxiety and instead take the seat of being god within me – as me being the directive principle in each moment and as such that I don’t require anything else to be that god for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here when that fear arise within me, and within that see, realize, and understand that this anxiety, and fear serves no purpose within me, it holds no value within me, it’s just there as a weight that keeps me pre-occupied and lost in my mind, instead of being here living; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to make the decision to let this point go unconditionally and completely, and to realize that only I have the power to do so – and that I can wait for an entire lifetime to get rid of fear, and to get rid of anxiety – because the point that decides is me and not anyone or anything else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I go into this anxiety, and fear, that I am getting more things done, that I am being more productive, that I am being more effective, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that minds hastiness, and fast paced movement as being productive, as being effective, not realizing that in this mode of being I am actually not producing, or creating anything what-so-ever – all that I am doing is that I am running around in my mind trying to protect myself from what I fear and I am not here in-fact living; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push this point of accepting and allowing myself to be here – to live here – to remain here and to not exist within and as my mind; but to stick with and as the physical – and be a physical human being here and not hold unto any form of mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this anxiety and fear isn’t practical, it isn’t managing my life, it’s just there as a constant ghost urging me to move faster, to product more, to create more, and to be more, but it’s not doing, or giving me anything of substance; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbor this fear, and anxiety, and to cultivate this fear and anxiety, not realizing that it’s not life – it’s in-fact a form of death, because it brings me further from the physical, further from life, further from what is real, and what is of actual importance and relevance; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take breath, and unconditionally let go of this fear, and to not anymore accept and allow my life to in anyway be controlled, directed, and dependent upon this fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that all this anxiety does for me, is that I am running around in my mind, wherein I am trying to protect myself from, and save myself from situations, and events that haven’t yet occurred, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the simple common sense within all of this is that I don’t need this in order to in-fact live – it holds no real practical value, and as such it’s useless really; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto uselessness instead of working with, walking with, and cultivating that which is in-fact useful – practical – and gives an actual result as a practical physical outflow that I am able to see, measure, and physically benefit from

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into a stress, and a fear, and anxiety towards the future, towards my survival, and that I won’t be able to effectively take care for myself, and protect myself in this world – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am in this moment completely limiting and withholding myself into and as energy, into and as the mind, into and as a state of unawareness wherein life really is slipping away from me, because I am not cultivating, and honoring, and supporting myself as life here; as such I commit myself to unconditionally let this fear, anxiety, and worry go – and live here fully – within the slowness, and the calmness of life as the living pace of breath, not stressing, fearing, or moving myself in anxiety – but moving myself HERE

When and as I see that I am going into a fast paced movement that is driven and motivated by anxiety, and fear, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I realize that this fast paced movement of trying to get somewhere, won’t in actuality get me anywhere, it will just have me stand still and be completely stuck in a experience of fear, a experience of anxiety, as such I commit myself to slow down – to breath and be aware of my breath and let myself smell the roses and be here – and really appreciate the physical as it exists here with me in every moment of breath

I am here – It’s done

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3 thoughts on “Day 86: The Worst Possible Outcome

  1. Pingback: Day 87: Acceptance vs. Self-responsibility | Viktor Persson

  2. Pingback: Why We Judge and Despise People as being Ugly: DAY 246 | Anna's Journey to Life

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