Day 87: Acceptance vs. Self-responsibility

I am continuing to open up anxiety, fear, and nervousness in relation to career, future, money and job. In this blog my starting point will be to go deeper into the point through asking questions – because – asking questions is important as it allows oneself to step out of that automatic state of simply accepting that apparently “I am afraid” and there is nothing I can do to change this. Thus – in this blog I will delve into a real-time interview with myself.

Firstly, myself, what is it that is the core problem, what thought is it that comes up the most frequently in your mind? Well – this question has no one single answer as there are in-fact several different thoughts that come up in my mind, but I am able to see that all of them has this one single thing in common – they are all based on this underlying madras of fear and anxiety existing like a layer in particular in my solar plexus. I can feel that this energy comes up and swallows me as I begin to follow the thoughts where I go away into the future and attempt and try to look for problems that might occur, a career that might not happen or might happen, or a particular grade in school that I might or might not get.

Thus – this underlying fear madras is the very fuel, the gasoline so to speak, that gives rise to my incessant thinking, and worrying about the future. What’s clear is that I’ve written about this point several times before – a relevant question to ask is thus – why I am not changing? Why am I not letting go of this particular point?

cantletgoI can see that it’s not so much about me not wanting to let go of the point, instead I see that it’s about a acceptance – I’ve accepted that this fear and anxiety is real and that it’s part of my beingness nature and that there is nothing I am able to do to change this – I am apparently just stuck with this particular fear into and as eternity and that’s it. And within this I can see that there is a point of inferiority involved in relation to this acceptance – where I’ve in a statement that “I am powerful enough” – “I don’t have the authority” – “I can’t just play god like that” – simply accepted that this fear must be my god.

Thus – the core problem as to why I am not accepting and allowing myself to change is really about me not allowing myself to see that I do have the power and authority to change – I am able to change myself; none of what I experience within must in-fact exist there – and I am able to make a directive decision as to how I am and move myself to self-correction.

Who or what do I believe should give me the allowance for me to change? God? Jesus? I mean – it’s obvious that only I can make the decision to change myself – only I can make the decision to stand up within myself and not accept and allow my past to anymore control me – but that I instead live real-time here – and that I am effective in every moment of breath.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply accept my fear, and to accept my anxiety, and to accept my nervousness in relation to the future, to money, and to a career, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a state of mind as believing that I am not able to change myself, that I don’t have to allowance, and the authority to change myself but that this is someone else’s prerogative; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change this acceptance within me and understand that birthing myself as life from the physical – and changing myself – and correcting myself is solely my responsibility – is solely my decision – and that there is nothing and no one else that is able to walk and make this decision for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stagnant and stopped in my tracks by my own self-design as creating an acceptance within me that I am apparently not able to change myself; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the nature of the acceptance is really in-fact an excuse – because in accepting that I can’t change – I have the perfect reason as to why I don’t have to push myself, and will myself, and walk myself into and as change; as I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this particular acceptance is bullshit – and that I can prove this to myself through in-fact in physical practical reality walking the change through in-fact stopping these future projections, and this fear, and instead accepting and allowing myself to walk – participate – and live here in real time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto the acceptance that fear is more powerful than me – that fear is a force that I have no directive principle over and that fear can just do whatever it wants to me – and that my only solution is to try to satisfy the fear and work around the fear and try to please the fear; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this is an acceptance and that it’s not in-fact real – because what is real is that I am able to change myself through making a decision and then living this decision in practical reality through pushing myself to not anymore be controlled by, and enslaved within, and a victim to fear; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to change – to push myself to let go of fear and bring myself back to physical reality – and change my acceptance so that I stand responsible for everything that goes on within me – so that I am as such able to change myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to change my acceptances – and push myself to understand and realize that the mind is really in-fact me – but that I’ve separated myself from this part of myself and created a illusory belief that this part of myself is apparently not in my power to direct and change; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this is in-fact schizophrenic in nature – and that it really makes no sense at all – because really: who decides what I participate inside my mind? Who decides what I will accept and allow, and what I will not accept and allow within me? It’s me – I am the point that it all goes back to – it’s me and my relationship with and as myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to change my acceptances in relation to the mind – and accumulate as such that I empower myself to change in all areas of my life – and that I take responsibility for all patterns that exists within me – and that I do not anymore accept and allow myself to be a slave to the past as what I’ve come to accept and allow as real within my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the simplicity of self-change – which is that I take on responsibility and realize that it’s up to me – that I have to walk the change into and as reality – that I must make the decision – and that I must follow through with this decision – and unless I walk and apply this point – nothing is going to happen – nothing is going to change – nothing is going to be different – nothing is going to move; as such I commit myself to take on the responsibility of being the directive principle within me – of being the movement – of being the catalyst – of being the force that moves to change as what is best for all; that moves towards a point of perfection as not accepting and allowing a single point of reaction, energy, or thought to be the directive principle of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take on the responsibility of self-change – and as such I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to simply accept that self-change is apparently not up to me – but that it’s up to these various reactions and experiences that come up in my mind – and that just maybe these points will simply one day without my directive decision change – and that then everything will become better – and everything will sort itself out by itself; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this is in-fact a delusion – and that there is plenty of proof on this earth that nothing will change unless we as humans make the decision to change – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace the pain of self-change and self-realization – and understand that in walking self-change I will experience resistance – and that it will be hard and be experienced as difficult – but really it isn’t – it’s just about me actually walking through the accumulated consequences of and as the mind and bringing myself back here to the physical in every moment to accumulate myself as directive principle and not anymore accept and allow myself to be a slave at the whims of the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as being a slave to the whims of the mind and to accept that there is nothing I am able to do about this – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think – perceive – and believe – that this acceptance is valid because apparently it’s to hard to change; apparently I’ve already given up my opportunity for self-change and that all I am now able to do is to “ride out the waves” and “try to make the best out of my life” – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and make the decision in every moment of breath to change myself – and to align myself within and as what is best for all; align myself within as that which should be – and must be the future of and as this world, and the future of humanity – as what is best for all – as what is perfection – as what is real life and real living – as standing by one’s self-directive principle and deciding what I will accept and allow and what I will not accept and allow in every moment of breath

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into and as my mind – as starting to think about, worry about, and create fear in relation to the future – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I do not have to accept this experience within me – and I do not have to accept myself as merely being a ragdoll thrown around by the various energetic whims of and as the mind; as such I commit myself to take a breath – bring myself back here – and change my acceptances – and as such take on the responsibility of standing up here and walking change as what is best for all until it’s done – and until there exists nothing in me that is of a self-interested and self-compromising nature – as energy – as thought – as the mind as separation

When and as I see that I am merely accepting what is going on within me, accepting that the fear I experience can’t change and that accordingly I must follow it, and I must make my life to be about, and around this particular fear – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I don’t have to follow – that it’s in-fact a decision that I make to follow and that I can change this decision so that I do not anymore just follow – but that I question – that I stand up – and that I make it clear who I am as what I will accept and allow and what I will not accept and allow within me; as such I commit myself to stop being a follower and instead live in real time here – and become a decision maker – and make decision that are best for me – and that are best for all

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8 thoughts on “Day 87: Acceptance vs. Self-responsibility

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