Day 107: Plan or Live in the Moment?

Today I am going to continue with fear in relation to money and career as this point is a big one, and thus requires much attention.

What I’ve seen is that my tendency is that I look at the future from a “what is the worst possible outcome”-perspective – and within this I’ve seen that this particular perspective isn’t necessarily bad, because in essence, this world is fucked up and there is a probability that the worst possible scenario will materialize – the problem is that I go into fear and anxiety as I look at the future instead of realizing that fear isn’t helpful, it isn’t assisting, it’s not supporting me to make better decisions – it’s just – reacting to what is here.

Thus, I can actually use this analytical way of perceiving the future to support myself and make more effective decisions, the point that must change though, is that I look at the probabilities and possibilities, without fear, without reacting – and then I proceed to take ACTION, instead of accepting and allowing myself to go into fear, nervousness and stress in regards to the point.

This particular point was recently brought up in a Eqafe interview – which you can find HERE https://eqafe.com/p/life-angel-and-death-devil-life-review – and here this point is explained in much more detail; and the essence of it is that – yes – many fears that we do have are in-fact relevant; meaning – they could actually manifest – but the problem is that we reacting in fear instead of realizing that this is simply what is here – that is reality – and there is no quick-fix – no easy way out – and nothing in anyway get’s better when we react to what is here.

So, in regards to my future, in regards to career, I will embrace this point of being very tactical, and calculating, because obviously, this is what it means to be in alignment with a reality that works in equations of possibilities and probabilities – and the most effective way to stand is thus to make one’s own calculation – and walk that into the system.

One point is fascinating, many times when I discuss the future with others in my world, one answer tends to come up “It will sort itself out” – from my perspective it’s completely illogical to believe that something will “sort itself out” – because why would it? There is no mathematical proof in this world of things, without effort, without planning, without directive decisions, simply come to pass – no – it’s actually falsity that things “just sort themselves out” – the reality of this world is that nothing happens unless we make it happen – nothing is effective unless we make it effective – nothing will work, and nothing will come to pass unless we make it so; and to walk in this reality using only one’s faith in a prosperous future, that is simply unrealistic and will have consequences.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist being calculating and tactical in regards to what decisions I make in my life, believing that in walking like this I miss out on “life” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this idea within me that “life should just be lived” – “carpe diem” – “be in the moment” – not seeing, realizing and understanding that in living and walking this way in life I will obviously fuck myself into consequence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace being tactical and calculating in regards to my future, in realizing, seeing and understanding that this is the only way I am able to direct myself effectively and with somewhat of a stability and control, because common sense is that this reality works upon a basis of numbers – as probabilities and possibilities – and thus my best shot in walking an effective life – is in-fact to be calculating – to plan – and to make sure that I direct myself and do not really on faith to simply “sort things out”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on faith, and to rely on a feeling of being uplifted and loved to bring me through life, and make my reality, and my living effective – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the truth of this world and reality, is that it’s brutal, it’s messy, it’s chaotic, and there is absolutely no control at all – and as such my assets and how I can walk through this mess is through being deliberate, being specific, being stable and walking through this life upon a basis of what is practical – and not upon a basis of how I feel about things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, and hope that everything will just “sort itself out” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is not how the world functions, this is not how reality functions, this is not what is in-fact here – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace what is here, as a unpredictable, unsafe, and insecure environment that is filled with dangers and various consequences – and that it’s obvious common sense that I must thus to be effective in my life walk through this complete mess of a world with great caution, care and stability – and look at what is here with not fear – but simply see what is here and direct myself accordingly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am boring, and too calculating, too logical and analytical when I make decisions according to probabilities and possibilities, and not according to what I feel like doing – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s simply common sense to have this stand in relation to reality, because this world, this system, functions like a program, and thus the way I am able to be effective within it, is through learning the programming, walking the programming, and directing the programming as myself, which will be effectively done through making decisions according to probabilities and possibilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how in-fact obvious that it’s consequential, to walk through life allowing myself to be guided by what I feel like, what I hope, what I desire, what I experience myself attracted towards – because the common sense is that this current system doesn’t give a shit about such points – they do not exist to the system – what is relevant for the system is the actual physical feedback it receives – and that is dependent upon what I physically do and not what I feel like doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this hopeful idea of how reality is, to see reality from a starting point of a positive energy as feeling love, excitement, and hopefulness, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is a completely false picture and idea of the world and this reality, and how this world doesn’t work according to principles of love, and positive energy – this world is in-fact an extremely consequential place – wherein I must obviously be cautious – and remain stable – and look at what is here without attempting and trying to glorify what is here; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not equalize myself with and as the nature if this world – and walk in alignment and in equilibrium with what is here – to within this be able to make decisions that are effective and in alignment with what is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sugarcoat what is here in this physical reality through holding unto a positive idea and experience of reality and life, wherein I instead of seeing what is here in-fact, see my sugarcoated version of reality – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become entirely possessed and overwhelmed with and as this positive way of looking at reality, wherein I attempt and try to push away and reject that which I see in reality that doesn’t fit with my positive idea, and image of reality – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself with and as what is real – which is the physical here – nothing more or less than the physical here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject and resist looking at the darkness of this world and reality, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea, and belief within me, that being calculating and tactical is boring, and it means that you’re apparently not living; within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is in-fact the only effective way to life, because common sense dictates that this reality is in-fact a reality made up out of decisions, out of numbers, and accordingly the most effective way to life and participate will be to walk in this lifetime through counting and making sure that I insert the correct numbers as actions into this world so that the equation and result will be what I want it to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what is here in this physical world and reality, as the darkness, and the evil – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in fearing what is here, I am disempowering myself, I am making myself weak and ineffective, I am making myself unable to act and DIRECT the point – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself with and as this world as it functions in it’s current stage – to as such enable myself to direct what is here instead of resisting what is here – seeing what is here instead of reacting to what is here – and acting and making decisions instead of running away and attempting and trying to deny what is here in-fact

Self-commitments

When and as I see that the world is a positive, joyful, and magnificent place, and I want to live by such principles as “live in the moment” – as “catching the day” – as “do what you enjoy to do!” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that in this day and age, it’s obviously not possible to just “do what you want” – and to “live in the moment” – because the matter of fact is that this world is severely consequential, and outright dangerous, and as such I require to walk in this world being cautious and aware – and make sure that I know what it is that I am creating

When and as I see that I am going into a positive, joyful and happy experience in relation to living – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand how this experience in-fact is a falsity – it’s not real – it doesn’t reflect the actuality of this physical world and reality, which is as a matter of fact dangerous, and severely consequential – as such I commit myself to take a breath – and see and walk in reality for what it is – not anything more – and not anything less – but simply walking in reality here – directing myself in reality here

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