I am here continuing on the points of career and money, and today I am going to look more closely at dreaming, hoping and projecting, and in essence, going into my mind to build various ideas about how the future could turn out instead of being here.
What I’ve noticed is that, this pattern of dreaming, hoping and projecting myself into the future, it’s completely automatic, and within this I’ve realized, that it’s obviously not “Me” within self-direction that makes the decision to consider and look at the future, though this is what I’ve liked to believe in the past – that it’s “Me” looking at the future, “Me” looking at what I can do in the coming time, not seeing, realizing and understand how it’s not really me, but that this pattern simply comes up within me.
So, today I got up from bed, and I went into the shower, and as I stepped into the shower, I could notice how my mind was beginning to move into future projections, and this specifically in regards to whether, or whether not I should study a particular course next year or not – Thus, instead of showering, practically caring for and tending to my body, I was now considering something completely irrelevant to the moment within which I was physically existing and participating.
It’s interesting, that these dreams, hopes and projections come up in my mind, and they present themselves as if they were something new, “a new opportunity” or “a new perspective” – when really it’s merely a cycle in my head that turns and moves exactly the same with the slight difference of presenting me a set of other pictures. So, for example – a couple of days I ago I had dreams, and hopes about attaining a specific career path, and thus these images, and projections manifested in my mind, equally the same in their nature as the images and pictures manifesting in regards to studying a course next yet, with the point differing that they were presented with different pictures.
If I look more closely at where this pattern originate from, I can see that as a first layer, there is excitement, happiness and eagerness – feeling good about creating “my future” and “my life” – though, beyond this layer, there is a layer of fear, uncertainty and anxiety, and my dreams, projections and hopes, are in-fact a response to these fears, wherein I attempt and try to level out, and calm these fears, through presenting myself with happy, positive, and exciting images in my mind.
Obviously, this doesn’t work very well, because I do not practically deal with the fears and sort them out, I merely create happy pictures in my mind to suppress the fears – and as such I realize, that in order to get to the bottom of this system, I must become much more specific as to detailing and de-constructing the specific origin and nature of these projections, and dreams – where do they come from? Exactly, and specifically what type of fears are fueling these future projections? And within walking this point specifically, I will be able to let go of this pattern – and also begin to plan my living for REAL – which implies that I look at points within a starting point of a self-decision – wherein there are no happy feelings generated, and no fear in the picture – but I instead look at the practical physical reality of what is here and make decisions according to this.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as dreams, hopes, fantasies and imaginations in my mind, from a starting point of positive, excitement-energy – wherein I go into my mind and start thinking about my future from a starting point of FEELING – not seeing, realizing and understand how it is that I can’t possibly trust a feeling to in anyway give me a substantial and effective positioning in regards to making a effective plan for my future – because when I consider points in excitement and feeling, or fear and anxiety, I disallow myself from seeing the exact and specific nature of what is here – and thus unable myself to make a decision that is effective in that it’s in alignment with myself and my physical reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I go into my imagination, and I begin to dream about the future, and there is no specific context in my world and reality, as to why I should bring this point up, as to why I should in this very moment take a breath and within me plan my future, that this is then a pre-programmed pattern, coming up within me automatically and without my directive decision – thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally take a breath – and within this push myself to not accept and allow myself to be possessed and loose myself in imagination – but that I instead remain physical – remain grounded and remain here with my body – and that I then make sure that when I do plan my future – that I do so as a specific decision in a moment – and that support myself in my decision making through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when imaginations, fantasies, and dreams just come up within me, without me making a decision, then this is in-fact a point of distraction, here for me to go into my mind instead of breathing and remaining here with my body, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath through and unconditionally let this particular dream, fantasy or projection, go – and not participate in it – but simply let it unconditionally come up within me and then be released and let go of – as I make the decision to not participate but instead remain here with and as breath
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the majority of my future plans, projections, dreams and hopes are coming from within and as a starting point of fear, and anxiety – wherein I as the first trigger have a thought of fear coming up within me, that then trigger me to go into a state of attempting to generate a positive energy within me, as a state of excitement, or love, which I then attempt and try to do through participating in these future projections, and these future ideas, hopes, and desires about how my life could play out – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I work with planning and mapping out my future – to be very specific in how I do this – to make sure that I do the actual practical and physical research in regards to the decisions I am about to make – so that I know that the decisions I make are what they make out to be and not only a hope – and that I also make sure that my decisions and plans are not coming from a secret and hidden starting point within me of fear wherein I thus suppress and compromise myself through making a decision upon the basis of fear instead of upon the basis of what is best for all
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I tend to make decisions, and fantasize about the future, from within and as a starting point of energy, wherein I go into and as a specific positive energy towards creating a particular future for myself, as for example taking a specific education, or going into a specific career, instead of realizing that my dreaming, my hoping, and my fantasizing, isn’t based upon the actuality of what such a movement and plan entails – it’s just a feeling that I’ve attached to a particular point and then I believe that in manifesting this particular point I will experience that particular feeling coming up within me – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is not how the physical operates – and that what I dream about is not in anyway what this physical real – reality in-fact entails on a practical and physical basis
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the sprout of energy, to the experience of positivity, hope, and energy buzz that come up within me as I start to imagine, think about, and fantasize about the future, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions on a whim, to make decisions because they feel good, and because they make feel like I am important, and high within and as energy, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, to bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and practice to instead make decisions that are grounded, practical, that I’ve researched effectively, that I am clear within, and I know what I am doing, and that aren’t merely based upon what I experience as a particular energetic charge coming up in my mind, claiming me instead of me being stable and directive and specific in my self-movement in my world and reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when a particular plan, or imagination come up in my mind, that is coupled with energy, as a positive charge, that this should set of the warning bells within me, because here I am dealing with a decision that isn’t based upon actual practical research, but that is based upon how I feel, how I experience myself, what particular feeling and experience-connections that I’ve connected to various ideas of what I’d like to do in the future, and it’s as such not in anyway based upon an actual physical assessment of my future, what it is that I want to do with my future, and how I can in the best possible way create my future to be aligned with the purpose of creating a world that is best for all in all ways
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that I can actually figure things out in my mind, that I can actually, create relevant outcomes, and relevant solutions in my mind, when the starting point is that of energy, instead of seeing that the very nature of energy, is to remain in conflict, is to remain cycling, is to remain constantly unstable, changing, and moving around, simply because, this is how energy functions – and thus to make an effective, real and relevant decision – I require to sit down in and as my physical world and reality – I require to make a physical decision – based upon physical considerations – based what I am able to see – assess – and understand as being real on a physical basis – because only in making a physical decision – will I be able to stand clear and stable with a decision as it’s not based on this constant friction, conflict, and cycling of energy – it’s stable – it’s physical – it’s a decision made HERE
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to stop existing within and as my mind in fear – anxiety, and the polarity opposite of excitement in regards to planning my future, my life, and my living – and I thus forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision to sit down and write out my plans – to look at where they come from – are they energy based, are they in-fact relevant? Are they based on a idea, or an actual real assessment of a point? And thus – I commit myself to bring myself back here – and walk decision from a starting point of physical real reality
When and as I see that I go into my mind and start thinking about my future, cycling within myself in energy, going from a positive, to a negative, instead of remaining here – stable within and as breath – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that the solution to this point – is not to make decisions in my mind from a starting point of energy – but is to write, is to clear myself, and is to ground myself in the physical and practice physical decision making; as such I commit myself to clear myself from my inner cycling of positive and negative – and I commit myself to ground myself here and practice and eventually perfect – making practical and physical decisions
I commit myself to stop cycling in positives and negatives in my mind – and I instead commit myself to dedicate myself to being here as breath – and I commit myself to when I make decisions to utilize the tool of writing – to utilize the tool of self-forgiveness and self-commitments – to make sure that I am clear within myself and that my decision is practical – physical – and that the purpose of the decision is what is best for all – and that it’s a clear decision and that I see it’s best for all and thus common sense