Day 113: Impatience

dirty-dozen-impatience-300x294Impatience is the experience I am going to work with today. It came up as I was out with my partner driving. She’s currently practicing to get her driving license and I am her instructor.

We were driving on a road that was the main road and we were driving past a crossroads where the cars coming from the crossing road according to the traffic regulations had to wait for the cars coming on the main lane before they were allowed to cross the main road. I noticed that my partner wasn’t very sure about whether or whether not she had to wait, or whether the cars coming on the crossing road had to wait – and in that moment I noticed this boiling anger coming up within me.

I can see how this anger is coming from me becoming impatient, and I want something to happen, I want to something to occur the way I believe is absolutely clear that it should happen – I think it’s simple – it’s easy – it’s just to follow the rules and look at the signs – and in that moment I am not taking into account the background, the experience and the being that in this case was my partner.

This is a problem because in not considering where and who others are in events taking place in my world, I am not able to direct the situations effectively – I will not attentively listen and see what is happening, and not be receptive to what is here, but instead seclude myself in my own belief and idea of what should happen, and how it should be – which really is irrelevant because it doesn’t change what is in-fact here as a matter of fact.

I can within this as well see how this tendency of wanting my idea of things to take precedence over how things are in-fact is influencing other aspects of my world, wherein I’ve at times a tendency to enforce my view, enforce my perspective, and not within that see how it’s picked up and where others stand in regards to what it is that I am saying or doing.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become impatient with my world, and want my world to behave and be the way that I want it to be, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push for my world to be and behave the way I want it to be regardless of the response I receive – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and impatient when things do not go my way as how I want things to go instead of me pushing myself to remain here and stand in equality with my world – and be receptive to what is here – and walk with what is here instead of fighting what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become impatient when and as things do not work out as I’ve imagined that they would work out – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reason that things should just work out the way I’ve imagined that they should work out and unless they do so there is something wrong, there is something that isn’t aligned and the fault must be with someone or something out there – instead of bringing the point back to myself and realizing that the fault lies with my imagination and idea creation – and not with my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anger, irritation and frustration when I think that points move to slowly and not fast enough – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that everyone should be like me, should have the same experience, background and skills as me, should have the same mentality as me, should tackle events, integrate information, and learn as I do – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is not in-fact so – and that I can’t expect that everyone should be like – and that I can’t expect that everything will work out as it has worked out in my mind when I played out in my imagination

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be receptive and flexible – and accept and allow myself to work with what is here – to listen – to see – to be aware – and to change my direction and way of dealing with points when it is that I see that it isn’t working effectively; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto my view of things – instead of accepting and allowing myself to open and realize that there are billions of other human beings on this planet that are not the same as me and that to work effectively with these people I require to take them into account in equality and oneness – and see them for what they are and not for what I want them to be – or believe that they should be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations and demands unto what is here in my direct reality – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I create such points within me – I will create the consequence for myself of becoming disappointed as well as frustrated – when points do not play out as I’ve hoped and desired for them to play out; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is not to create expectations and then attempt to force my world into those expectations – but to be with what is here in equality and oneness – and direct what is here within being receptive to what is here – seeing what works and what doesn’t work – seeing what is effective and what isn’t effective – and sticking with that which works

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my expectations, demands and ideas of what should be here aren’t valid – because what is here is what is here and it has nothing to do with what exists in my mind; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to when I work with other people – when I work with reality – to let go of my mind – and to be direct – to interact without having the middle man of the mind be here as a mediator between me and reality – but that I stand equal and one with reality and I speak – direct and move myself without thinking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it’s not a solution to become impatient – impatience is not a physical tool with which I am able to direct and deal with my life – it’s only a reaction that comes up when I feel that something is not going the way I want to go; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead apply patience – realizing that what is here is what is here – and to change what is requires time – consistency – effort and dedication; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of impatience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the world existing in my mind, as expectations, ideas, beliefs, is not real – it’s not something I can use to shape and form the real world – it’s not something that I can use in order to interact with what is here – it’s really just a blockage existing in my head that disables me from being in direct relationship with and direct contact and interact with what is here; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I become impatient – take a breath and let go of those obstacles in my mind unconditionally – and accept and allow myself to be fully here – with what is here – and not try to make what is here anything else but what it is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to direct my world and reality through the mind as separation – wherein I will lock myself into and as a belief or idea of how I want my world to be – or how I want my world to turn out – and then I will forcefully attempt to manifest that dream and hope without any regard for the actuality of my physical reality; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct my world in reality from a starting point of equality – standing with what is here – being receptive – being awarebeing awake – and seeing what is here and moving myself in alignment with what is physical and what is here – thus not being in conflict with what is here – but instead directing myself in equality and oneness with what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when something in my world doesn’t play out as how I’ve imagined or expected that it would – that the fault doesn’t lie with my physical reality – but the fault instead lies within me, with me creating a belief in my mind as to how my world should be, instead of me remaining with breath and walking with reality; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – and bring myself back here – and push myself to interact directly with the physical without having a idea between me and the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become impatient and angry when I feel that someone is not as fast I believe and think that they should, learning something, such as a new skill – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this expectation within me that people should just learn something immediately, that they should change, grow and expand immediately, and unless they do so after the very first time, then there is something wrong with them – instead of seeing, realizing and understand that the fault doesn’t lie with them – but that it lies within me – in that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in my mind instead of standing in equality and oneness with what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and impatient when and as I feel that someone isn’t understanding something as fast as I think and believe that they should, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this expectation that people should understand something fast and preferably after the first time that I’ve explained something – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take into account that I can’t simply expect that how I want things to be is how things really are – and that some beings simply learn slower than others and that it’s nothing I can do anything about

Self-commitments

When and as I see and notice that I am becoming angry and frustrated, and impatient, because someone is not understanding my instructions, or understanding something I’ve explained, and they are doing a mistake that they’ve already done before – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand how I can’t have these expectations within me in regards to how fast people should learn because reality doesn’t work according to my expectations; thus – I commit myself to work with what is here – and be patient – unconditional – and get to know what is here and not judge what is here

When and as I want to enforce a particular point, as something that I’ve had come up within me as a imagination, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this pattern is not effective in terms of me interacting and living in an effective way with my environment – because in enforcing something – I am only considering myself and not what is here and how my decisions and way of living affects and influence what is here; thus I commit myself to work with what is here in equality and oneness – and instead direct myself and my world through being receptive – and flexible – listening and being aware of others and not just going for my one thing regardless of what resistance I am facing from others

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