Day 115: No More Excuses

I am in this blog going to take a closer look at an experience of frustration that has come up as a form of blame towards others in my world within the specific context of movement and discipline.

excuseWhat I am able to see in regards to this reactions is that I react to when I perceive that others are not doing what they are supposed to be doing, or doing enough, or pushing themselves to the extent that I see they are able to push themselves – I then become frustrated because I believe that they should be, and apparently their decision to not do so impacts badly on me, and makes my process and life more difficult. Though, obviously, this pattern is not about others, it’s about me, and how I tend to justify for myself when I do not push myself as far as I am able to do.

I mean, I do see that I’ve on many levels in my life established a consistent discipline, a drive and motivation that is unconditional, wherein I on a daily basis push myself to create movement, and a flow – yet, I can also see that I’ve not yet brought this consistent discipline to it’s utmost potential – there are still points in my world where I am not living this fully and where I see that I can change myself, push myself further, and that this would have the implication of me being even more effective, and within that enable myself to truly make a difference for myself as well as for others in my life.

A fascinating point to take into consideration here is that the question as to “why” I am not pushing myself to the utmost of my abilities isn’t really relevant – instead the question should be “how” it is that I am not pushing myself to the utmost of my abilities – and within this I am able to see that the primary excuse and justification I use in order to not take this strength of mine as discipline and consistency to it’s utmost potential is the experience of tiredness, as well as the thought pattern that “I’ve done enough for today” and that “I need some time for myself to relax and just let go” – when really one can ask the question: Can I ever do enough when the earth and this existence is existent within such a dire state of consequence where there are human beings not even receiving their most basic needs required for them to sustain themselves? Obviously, if I was in their position, I would’ve wanted myself to take each and every breath, each and every day, and make the most of that day – push myself as far as I am able to go – to make sure that I do my part effectively in regards to bringing about a world change that is best for all.

Within placing myself in the position of those human beings in this world that have been robbed of all dignity and value – I see that it’s my responsibility to make the most of every day – to make sure that I push – that I dedicate myself – and that I move myself until the results of my actions and living can be verified in how the nature and existence of this world has changed.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the most of each day, to not make the most of each and every breath, to push myself to create a change both within and without – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the consequence of me slacking and not doing and walking to the fullest of my potential will be that I accumulate irritation and frustration – because I know what I am capable of walking – I know what I am capable of doing – I know what I am capable of living – yet still I am not doing this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that if I would’ve been in the shoes of those that have been robbed of all dignity and value – I would’ve wanted myself to push myself each and every day to bring forth a change both on a inner and outer level – so that nobody anymore is born into a state of living where there is food, no home, no clean water, and no opportunity to live an effective life; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make an effort to give of myself each and every day – to push myself beyond my limitations – and to not accept and allow myself to justify not doing what I am capable of through utilizing such limiting ideas such as “I’ve done enough” – or “I am too tired to do this now – I must relax and have some time for myself”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the time I have is valuable because I am able to utilize this time in bringing through a change within and without that is best for all – and I am able to utilize the time I have to create something of real worth and real substance – and thus to not use the time I have as effectively as possible is really a form of spite – and a form of abuse – because it’s obvious that this world is at the moment not in anyway representative of life as what is best for all – and within me being able to see this – it’s my responsibility to make sure that life is honored – that life is created from the physical – and that this earth change to become a place where life and living is honored – supported and nourished in everyway possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the most of each day – to not push myself to utilize the time at my disposal to the fullest of my abilities and make sure that I do not justify – that I do not excuse – that I do not hide from my responsibilities – which is to bring forth a change both within and without – and to make sure that I do not stop – and that I do not give up – and that I do not do less than what I am able to do – but that I instead stand up each and every morning – and make the decision to walk for life – as life – and within that create a new world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that for each and every breath I miss, for each and every day that I do not give it my all, I am creating more consequences, I am accepting and allowing this atrocity to continue and within that I am responsible for this atrocity continuing – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not will myself to each morning get out of my bed within the statement – that today I am going to give it my all – today I am going to push all boundaries – all limitations – and I am not going to justify and excuse myself – I am going to walk this fully – completely – and totally – and I am going to do this without any feeling or experience of motivation – I am going to do this because it’s a matter of self-respect – it’s a matter of self-value – it’s a matter of realizing that if I do not push myself to walk the solution I am a part of the problem and that invalidates my entire life and puts into question whether I really should continue to be on this earth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to bring my strengths of discipline and consistency to their fullest expression – I require to push through the self-imposed limitations that I’ve created as tiredness, justifications and excuses – and that this process will be uncomfortable – and that I will be faced with resistance – though within this I see, realize and understand that this is the only way forward – this is the only valid way to live – this is the only valid purpose that exists – and that without walking my life to bring forth change there is really no point and meaning in existing at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not each and every day make the decision to push myself – to walk beyond my limitations – to expand myself – to better myself – to develop myself – and to give of myself and share myself in such a way that I stand as a catalyst of change – bringing forth a new world – and a new reality that is best for all – where all are able to live their life’s with dignity – where all are valued unconditionally as life because they are part of life by virtue of their birth – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that as long as I don’t walk fully – completely – totally – there will be this reminiscence of dissatisfaction within me – of frustration and irritation – because I know what I am doing – and I know that I am able to do more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only do the absolute minimum and believe that I will be satisfied within only doing the absolute minimum – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will only be satisfied with myself when I each and every day push myself beyond my preconceived limitations – and that I will within this face resistance – and I will face experiences of wanting to give up – yet herein what I must see realize and understand is that these experiences can not have any power over me – and can not decide who I am unless I give these experiences power over me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change this point of doing the absolute minimum – to instead deliberately within all points that I am participating in – and taking part of – doing the most I am able to – pushing myself to contribute to the fullest of my abilities and walking this point deliberately in realizing that I will not be able to be satisfied with myself – I will not be able to let go of irritation and frustration unless I push myself beyond what I believe myself to be capable of doing – unless I dedicate myself to make sure that each day I live is a day I spend in the name of creating a world that is best for all in every way – and wherein I walk this change both on the inner and outer levels of my existence – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to make the most out of my time – the make the most out of my life – and to not accept and allow compromise in anyway

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that compromise always have a consequence, and that one of these consequences is that I build and grow a dissatisfaction, irritation and frustration within me – thus I see, realize and understand that if I want to live a life of actual peace – and comfort – I must make sure that I make the most out of my life – and that I dedicate every single day – every single breath – every single moment – to bringing forth life both on an inner and outer level – both in regards to my own process of inner change – and in regards to the process of outer change wherein the world system must change in order to facilitate life as what is best for all

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into a state of justification and excuses, as to why I shouldn’t participate fully and do as much as I am capable of, as thinking that I’ve “done enough” – or that I need some “me time, and that I need to relax” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that unless I make the most out of my life, and I push myself, and dedicate myself to bring forth change both on an inner and outer level, I will never be content, I will never be satisfied, and I will never be at peace with myself; as such I commit myself to make each day count – to make each breath count – to make each moment count – and make sure that I walk each day of my life to bring forth change both on an inner and outer level

When and as I see that I am not doing as much as I am able to, and that I am compromising myself, and just doing the absolute minimum, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that in only doing the absolute minimum I am creating consequences for myself, wherein I will undoubtedly become angry, frustrated and irritated, and I will start to feel dissatisfied with myself; as such I commit myself to challenge myself – and push myself – and break through my limitations and dare myself to each day expand and move beyond what I believe to be my limitations and constrains

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3 thoughts on “Day 115: No More Excuses

  1. Pingback: Day 116: My Reason For Living | Viktor Persson

  2. Pingback: Day 122: Expectations, Proof of Insanity? | Viktor Persson

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