Day 119: Filthy Weaknesses

weaknessWeaknesses – looking at my own current definition of weaknesses I see them as being something that is wrong and that should and must be fought, pinned down and destroyed. This approach of mine to the point of weaknesses is something that I have recently begun to take note of, and I have seen that it pretty much comes through in most dimensions and aspects of my life, living and process. I tend to zone in on what I perceive to be a weakness, judge the weakness, and then vehemently fight the weakness – which is a form of suppression because no actual self-change is taking place – obviously because I am to busy fighting that which I perceive to be a weakness within me.

This point opened today in regards to me becoming nervous, as I had to perform in the art of public speaking. What I saw is that I immediately as this nervousness came up within me, I judged it to be a weakness, and in that I began to fight it – I didn’t want it to be in me because apparently I should be past that point, I should be stable, and I should be able to comfortably and calmly do public speaking. When I noticed I couldn’t win the fight towards this nervousness, I instead went into a state of a more passive, failure and self-judgment mode – perceiving myself as a failure because I couldn’t stop remove this apparent weakness and speak the way I wanted to speak.

Thus – I am able to see that this relationship that I have created to the point of weaknesses isn’t assisting and supporting me, because fact is that I never go to the point of developing my weaknesses into strengths – I instead stop at that point of fighting the weakness, and feeling like a failure because I have that particular weakness – when I could instead utilize those moments to assist and support myself to transform the weakness into a strength and build myself to become more effective in my application.

Really, the entire idea within me that weaknesses are bad is thus off the mark – because weaknesses are merely weaknesses, they are nothing more and they are nothing less – and a weakness is mostly a point that can be corrected and directed into and as a strength – and a strength is neither more or less – it is merely a strength – something that I am good at and that I can do effectively and effortlessly.

To be effective in actually supporting myself to stand up and direct my weak spots I require to recognize them, understand them and allow myself to accept that they are here and that they won’t go away through my trying to fight them off – instead I will have to change them as myself – and this can not be done through a process of judgment – but must be done through a process of understanding – understanding how I have created the weakness, exactly how I have become this weakness – because in that I can correct myself to step out of the weakness and make it a strength.

Thus, today I am going to walk a self-forgiveness process in relation to my definition of the word weakness.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight weaknesses and define weaknesses as shameful and embarrassing, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend my time judging, fighting and resisting my weakness instead of practically assisting and supporting myself to transcend and walk through my weakness, and develop my weaknesses into strengths

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that weaknesses are something that I should hide from myself and from others, because they are shameful and inherently bad, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I notice that I have weaknesses, instead of practically assisting and supporting myself to transcend and walk through them, judge them, fight them, and resist them, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is not a effective way of dealing with weaknesses, because common sense dictates that what I resist persist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I see a weakness in my application it doesn’t mean that I am failure, and that I have done something bad, it merely means that there is a weakness in my application, and that it’s as such an opportunity for me to develop this weakness into and as a strength – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the opportunity of self-expansion that weaknesses presents to me – and that I could really change my relationship to weaknesses and have fun changing them – experimenting with them – designing solutions and working with how I am able to support myself to stand up and walk the weakness into and as a strength

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t change weaknesses and that the best I can do is to fight them, resist them, and suppress them, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the opportunity to be unconditional with myself, and to intimately explore all my flaws and mishaps – and in this place myself into a position wherein I am able to expand myself – because I know myself – I see what I am doing – and within that I see the solution as to how I am able to redesign myself and develop my weaknesses into and as strengths

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an expectation upon myself that I should be without weaknesses – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a state of conflict and resistance when I notice a weakness within me – and not want to recognize this weakness – but instead attempt and try to fight it off – and get it away from me so that I can be strong again – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is not an effective way to deal with weaknesses – because the reason there is a weakness is because I have not defined for myself an effective practical living – which is something that I am able to design with the use of words – and that I can investigate how I can assist and support myself to stand up and stabilize myself and walk myself from weakness into and as strengths

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that I am to be without weaknesses – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is a unrealistic expectation, because it is quite obvious that I will have weaknesses due to how I have lived my life, wherein I have never actually paid attention to, and supported myself in corrected weak spots in my application, as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of this expectation that I should be strong, that I shouldn’t have any flaws, that I shouldn’t have any weak spots, so that I can get to know myself unconditionally, and from thereon assist and support myself to stand up and develop my weaknesses into and as strengths

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others that I perceive to not have the weakness that I possess, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having that particular weakness – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I can’t compare myself with another – because I have not lived the life of another – I have not walked the processes of another – and thus it’s a point of ignorance to judge myself for not being effective in points that I perceive others to be effective within – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to accept myself unconditionally – and accept and allow myself to recognize my weak spots – and within this accept and allow myself to unconditionally work with these weak spots and develop them into and as strengths

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I should be effective at everything that I am doing, and if I happen to have a weakness, and something that I am bad at, to think and believe that this is some form of mistake that shouldn’t be there, and that I must eradicate this mistake, fight it and resist it, and make sure that I ban it from my world – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be gentle in my approach to myself when I work with my weak spots – and in this making it enjoyable and fun to work with and develop my weaknesses into and as strengths

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to except that my weaknesses will go away when I judge them – and when I am hard on myself and complain within myself that I have a particular weakness – and within this I forgive myself that I that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this is not a solution – because in complaining, judging, and being hard on myself, I am not actually assisting and supporting myself to find a solution, and to define for myself a way that I can practically walk this particular weakness into and as a strength – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work with practically assisting and supporting myself to walk weak spots into and as points of strength – and doing this in a gentle manner wherein I am unconditionally accepting myself as I currently exist – and then I walk from this starting point – accepting and allowing myself to make the process of changing a weakness a point of self-exploration, self-enjoyment, and having fun with myself – wherein I am able to experiment with various different ways as to how I can practically support myself to change the particular weakness into and as a strength

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am judging, resisting, and fighting a weakness that I see within myself, and in this attempt and try to suppress this weakness, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here to and as my human physical body, and I see, realize and understand that weaknesses aren’t anything bad or wrong, it’s merely points that I require to assist and support myself within and as, and that I am able to have fun changing, and directing; as such I commit myself to formulate practical solutions for myself to develop my weaknesses into and as strengths – and have fun and enjoy myself in the process of redesigning myself

When and as I see that I am being hard on myself for having a weakness, and I perceive that I am a failure, and inferior to others, due to this weakness, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that a weakness is a weakness, nothing more or less, I am thus not a failure, I am thus not less than, I am thus not worthless – I simply require to change this weakness which I am able to have fun doing – as such I commit myself to assist and support myself to unconditionally uncover and explore my weak spots and from there formulate practical solutions so that I am able to change and redirect my weaknesses into and as strengths

Enhanced by Zemanta
Advertisements

One thought on “Day 119: Filthy Weaknesses

  1. Pingback: Having Resolve: DAY 275 | Anna's Journey to LifeAnna's Journey to Life

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s