Day 121: Fabulous ME

Careers, honor degrees, becoming fabulous, and having a tremendously important life – these are things that I see I have a difficult time letting go – and I see that this limits me in my choices. I become locked into to following a specific life path wherein I analyze and calibrate my decision making to make my dream come true – to be important.

Speaking in more concrete manners, this has been specifically in relation to me making decisions as to how I am going to place myself in the system, how I am going to use my time, and how I think that I will be seen by others – so all of these points I have been directing according within and as the starting point of a urge to earn some form of recognition and status in the system – where I will be seen, I will have the important job, those important responsibilities, I will be heard, noticed, and people will speak about me.

It is fascinating to see that this dream of the fantastic future of self-aggrandizement gives itself of as the road the self-expansion, the road to self-enlightenment, when looking at it in practical manners – what this particular system does is that it locks me into a specific life-path, it constrains my decision making skills, and it holds me back from making decisions that are practical, reasonable, logical and effective – obviously because instead of considering what is practical I only consider how I am in the best possible way able to attain my desires and urges.

One of the questions here is, why is it that I want to become something and someone more? For who is it that I am living? Who is it that I want to recognition from? Why is it so important to me? And the greatest question of them all: why is it that I do not accept myself as that which I desire HERE – make the decision to recognize myself, to realize that I am HERE and that is sufficient, and that adding anything more unto myself here is but a illusion and not the actual reality – because what is real is that I am a physical body HERE – and that this is what I will always be – I will not become a “more” physical body or a “less” physical body depending on my career decisions.

Thus, it is time to let this self-definition go and make myself free to make decisions that are practical – to make me free to place myself in a position in this world where I am effective, yet not necessarily seen, recognized, or considered – I mean, isn’t this what the most important people of our world face? Those that have taken on the menial jobs of our world, that uphold the basic structures of our society and life, nobody cares about them, nobody things they are important, yet still – practically speaking – they do something for others and themselves that have real value and substance.

It is thus not about what others think about me, it is rather what I do, and in particular, who I am within what I am doing – because when I am clear in why it is that I do something and it is a self-honest and clear decision that I have made – there is really nothing more to ask as that is perfection.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become caught in the illusion of wanting to become more, wanting to become better, wanting to be someone recognized, important, seen and loved – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a conflict within myself, where I on the one hand want and desire that life of fame and importance, and on the other hand see that there are other points in my world that I can walk, though that hold no such connotation of importance and specialness, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how it is that I am limiting myself, withholding myself, and locking myself into a limited life path through holding unto this desire and hope of becoming someone in the world system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am in searching for, living for, making my decisions and choices according to an urge of becoming someone, strengthening the enslavement of this world system, that is based in hierarchies, where people step on each others faces to reach a higher standard of living, and a better, more famous position, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally accept and allow myself to let go of this possession, of this inferiority, and fear that lies in the foundation of my movement towards a “greater future” to as such instead turn my eyes inwards and ask myself the question, without conditions, who am I, and what is it that I want to do in my life?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow and believe that this urge coming up within me, is me, and that it implies, and would be a failure if I am not able to manifest the pictures that this urge bring up within me, as me standing in the forefront, in some important position, with people by all my sides asking for my advice and marveling at my cunningness, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is so much more to life, so much more to me, than merely following this urge – and that I can instead make decision and living according to what is practical – according to what see is relevant and effective, according to what I see will contribute to a life that is best for all, and that won’t necessarily become anything at all in the eyes of others in walking such a position, but that it doesn’t matter – it doesn’t mean anything – because what is relevant is that I know who I am – that I know what I am doing and why I am doing it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the energy I experience as pride and superiority in imagining myself having a great position in the system, is real and implies real pride and real superiority – while it is really but limited energies of the mind that I have become addicted to and that I have defined myself according to – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate and research what is real pride, what is real dignity and what is real superiority – isn’t this to stand clear and act according to practical principles? Isn’t this to in-fact be self-motivated and self-disciplined in creating a world that is best for all and creating a life for myself that is best for myself – and that isn’t driven by any form of idea of superiority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my decisions in life be motivated by a desire and urge to become more than others, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within and as a stance and state of inferiority, thinking that as long as I am not better and more than others, than I am nothing at all – instead of accepting and allowing myself to be content with myself here in the understanding that I am equal and one – and that regardless of position I am of the same dust as each and everyone else – and that this idea of becoming more than, better than, is really but an idea and a illusion that serves no other purpose but to separate myself from reality here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from what is practical – from what is relevant – from what is common sense – through walking my life within and as a desire of becoming more than, of proving myself to others, of becoming famous and recognized as having some form of superior value – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the inferiority I place myself into in living in this way – and that I am limiting myself extensively by looking at my future, and looking my life from a starting point of desires and urges – when I instead could look at what is practical, what is it that I want to create in life from a starting point of self-honesty? What is it that I want to contribute to in life?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as the desire to gain a position in the system wherein others see me as being more than, and as being special – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not motivate myself to stop this constant search for more – and realize that more is HERE – more is LIFE as LIVING HERE within and as breath standing one and equal with and as the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard this physical reality, to disregard practicality, in the favor of the fear and desire relationship of becoming less and becoming more – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of and as this energy and this possession and accept and allow myself to accept myself HERE regardless of position – regardless of where I am – regardless of job and income – and realize that my value is not defined by what I do – but that my value is defined by WHO I AM – and that my value is defined by what I am able to contribute and give in relation to creating a world that is best for all in all ways

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution to my life is not to follow energies, but to remove all energies, because only in not having a single energy moving within me am I able to see clearly what direction would be effective – where I would be effective – where I would be able to place myself and use my skills to bring forth a world that is really beneficial – fantastic and wonderful and all aspects – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as fears, and desires, and believe that these fears and desires are real, and that these fears and desires constitute my life – not realizing that my life is HERE – that life is HERE – that as such there is nothing to reach and become because life is here and life is fulfillment – life is completion – life doesn’t become more and life doesn’t become less because life is life

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into and as this state of being, as a surge of energy, looking at my life from a starting point of how I can attain a position of superiority, and more than, and specialness, and being above others, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this energy is a illusion and that it doesn’t represent reality – it doesn’t show what is real – and it is limiting me from making decisions and living in a way that is truly beneficial and effective; as such I commit myself to stop myself – bring myself back here – and look at my life practically – to look at what is effective not from energy – but from a starting point of what is real and what is practical and what is common sense

When and as I see that I am going into a conflicted state of being, wherein I am fighting with myself, in fears and desires, looking at my life from a starting point of what I desire and what I fear, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I commit myself to not anymore polarize my life into fears and desires – but instead bring it all back here to and as the physical – and ask myself – what is practical – what is relevant – what is common sense? And make decisions according to what is practical and not according to my feelings in a particular matter

I commit myself to honor myself as the physical and look at life as a physical grounded – flesh and blood – human being here – wherein I don’t move myself to gain energies, and experiences, but I move myself according to what is practical common sense

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CommitmentsWikipedia: Commitments is a drama film released in 2001 on television by BET. The movie stars Allen Payne and Victoria Dillard, focusing on the relationship that grows between Fox Giovanni and Van Compton.

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2 thoughts on “Day 121: Fabulous ME

  1. Pingback: Day 122: Expectations, Proof of Insanity? | Viktor Persson

  2. Pingback: Day 124: Living for the System | Viktor Persson

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