Day 122: Expectations, Proof of Insanity?

ExpectationsI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations on my surrounding environment, on the people in my world, on the relationships in my world, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this set idea in my mind as to how I want people to be, behave, and what characteristics I want them to have – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, frustrated, irritated and annoyed when and as I feel that people in my world do not have the characteristics that I want and desire them to have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want people in my world to be disciplined, and to be strong, to not complain, and not bother me with their worldly problems – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an expectation in my mind on how I want people to be, on how I want them to interact, on how I want them to see life, and be in relationship to their own life, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this expectation, and idea of how I want people to be, that it isn’t real, it isn’t a factual part of life, it is just my ideas, experiences, and feelings about this world, people, and this reality – and thus I am expecting this world to be like my mind expects it to be which is obviously completely insane

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and frustrated, and irritated when and as my expectations aren’t fulfilled, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my world and reality when my expectations aren’t fulfilled as I want them to be, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I can’t expect my world and reality to be like I want it to be, and that my wants, and desires, and expectations aren’t real – they are not in-fact a part of reality and thus it’s completely insane for me to expect my desires, wants, and expectations to be mirrored in reality, and to have results in reality, and that my reality is to shape itself according to what I am participating in within my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, annoyed and frustrated when people in my world does not live up to my expectations of them, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect of people that they are supposed to be motivated, and disciplined, and that they are supposed to have a drive to want to improve themselves, and become better, more effective, and stronger – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and irritated when and as I perceive that people in my life have no such will, and that they seemingly do not care about becoming better or more – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become caught within and as this expectation in my mind as to how I want people to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an expectation of people, that they are supposed to care for their environment, be considerate, and precise, and specific in regards for caring for their environment, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, irritated and frustrated when people in my world doesn’t live up to this idea in my mind of I believe and think that people should be, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am holding unto this imaginary idea of how I believe and think that people should be, an idea that is not real, and that is not represented in reality, and thus I become disappointed, and annoyed time and time again, because people just doesn’t fit into my idea of how I think they should be; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to get to know and see people in my world unconditionally, without judgments, without expectations, without any form of cloth of thought between me and them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations on myself as to who I should be, how I should live, how I should experience myself, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, annoyed, irritated and frustrated when and as I do not live up to my own expectations of how I believe that I should be, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the limited nature of expectations, and how in holding unto expectations I am not accepting and allowing myself to see myself – and I am instead seeing but a idea of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allow myself to see myself unconditionally as how I exist here, and to as such remove all blankets, and cloths before my eyes, so that I am able to see myself here – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I have a expectation on myself I am in-fact hiding parts of myself and deliberately refusing to recognize them, and as such I just leave them to be and occasionally when they pop up within me, I instead of direct them, work with them, and release, react in frustration and anger and suppress them – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of expectations on myself and others, to be perfect, without flaws, disciplined, motivated, and self-moving at all times, without any form of imperfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand I am creating unnecessary consequences within me through having an idea of myself as who I am supposed to be, and how I am supposed to be, and each time that I am not living up to this idea within me, go into a reaction irritation, anger and frustration – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can in-fact live without reaction, without experiences, without ideas, and self-definitions as to who and what I am supposed to be – and that it’s really completely without cause and reason to have expectations on myself because they aren’t even real to begin with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the veil of expectations, and realize that they are no practical use, they are of no practical relevance, they are merely these unnecessary points in the way for me in regards to seeing myself, seeing this world, seeing people, understanding myself, understanding this world, understanding people – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally release myself from the grasp of expectations and allow myself to see what is here with fresh untainted eyes – free from expectations

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am creating an expectation of someone in my mind, or talking about someone in my mind as to what I think that they should be doing, and what I think they shouldn’t be doing, comparing them with my expectations of them, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that my expectations are obviously not real – my expectations are obviously not valid and as such it’s without reason and cause to hold unto them; as such I commit myself to let go of these expectations and see what is here for what it is – nothing more and nothing less

When and as I see that I am becoming angry and frustrated because someone in my world is not acting, behaving and living as I expect of them, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand how it is that I am in-fact creating this resistance and energy within me, because I have a dream in my head as a story that I believe my physical reality should be like, and look like, which is completely mental; as such I commit myself to be HERE with reality and not superimpose a mind based story on reality – but to see directly what is here for what it is – nothing more and nothing less

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2 thoughts on “Day 122: Expectations, Proof of Insanity?

  1. Pingback: Why We React To Our Own Minds: DAY 277 | Anna's Journey to LifeAnna's Journey to Life

  2. Pingback: Decisions and the Diving bell of Suppression: DAY 280 | Anna's Journey to LifeAnna's Journey to Life

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