Day 124: Living for the System

Today I have been reading about Comparative Law – and comparative law is as you might have guessed, one of these really obscure and perpetually small theoretical subjects that a small number of excited academic devote their life to – and what they do is that they compare the laws of different nations with each other.

What I found so fascinating as I was reading about the history of comparative law – was the immense time and effort that countless of people throughout the history have put in the “academic evolution” of comparative law – writing their long books about these philosophical and apparently interesting subjects. I mean, literally, they have put their LIFES into this – and at the end – what happens? Well, they die, and the sum of their existence becomes a name in a book that I am reading some 200 years later.

So, as I was reading the memorials of these fantastic dead people that had apparently discovered and realized these amazing things, I asked myself – but why did they do it? I mean, what was their goal? The answer the came up within me was: CAREER – oh yes, they did it because of MONEY, FAME and FORTUNE – and regardless of how pious they presented themselves – the one point it all comes back to is – MONEY.

live-lifeI could then more clearly see where I will take my own life if I continue to strive for, and live for a career, and some supposed happiness out there in the future in the form of money – at best – I will end up in some boring book about 200 years from now, where it is explained how I discovered some average, plain, and tedious thing – a couple of sentences will be awarded to me – and I won’t even know because I will be dead and buried a long time ago.

This is the consequence of living for the system – for money – for fame – for success and power – that one’s entire life pass by in lightning speed and before one realize it – it’s all over – and nothing one have ever done is of any substance or worth – nothing has ever assisted or supported anyone – because it’s all be done for money and in the name of self-interest.

It’s fascinating to see how so many of us come to this earth, and we run around like crazy monkeys absolutely wild to “become something” – to “make it” – and then we do – but then we die – and during our lifetime we never spent a single moment to consider; who am I? What is it that I would like to do? What is it that I see would benefit me and everyone else? Who am I if I remove money from the equation? Who would I be if money weren’t an issue?

Fame, money, success and power are insanely overestimated – and in the end – living for those things is not going to lead anywhere what so ever – and this is why I will push myself to in this life step out of my career seeker character – and do something with my life that I want to do – and that I am not doing because I want to “become something” – and have my name printed in a book that nobody is going read anyway.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is pointless and meaningless to live for the system, as in living to attain fame, success and power – because fact is that – power, fame and success doesn’t exist – and it isn’t real – and at the end of my lifetime all of these things will disappear and I will stand with nothing – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not devote my life towards building myself – building life skills – building life abilities – building my life character – building and working with that of myself which will stand the test of time and which will not disappear and be washed away by the time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend my time wanting and desiring to impress and become something special and important in the system – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that attaining such a position would mean anything, that it would have any form of intrinsic value, and that it would make me a more substantial and stable human being – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, how all these great people, all these apparent leaders and famous one’s – that in the end all go back to the earth and nothing of their life remains – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not devote my life to myself – to life – and to that which stands the test of time and which stands eternal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live to become someone special and unique – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a fear that I will not become something in this life, that I will not get a special and unique career, that I will not get a fantastic and wonderful life that others are jealous of – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how such a life is but a idea – but a façade – but a mirage that isn’t real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the gravestones standing lined up on grave yards prove one simple thing – that in the end – hierarchy doesn’t exist – fame doesn’t exist – specialness doesn’t exist – because in the end we all end up in the earth – and our bodies decompose and return back to soil – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that living for fame and specialness is self-deception – and also – completely ridiculous and unnecessary – because I am in effect devoting my entire life to something that isn’t real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not devote my life to myself – to not devote my time to life and to myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pass up and avoid certain opportunities that open up in world – because I fear that if I walk these opportunities I will not anymore have access to my fantastic and special career that I have imagined myself to have in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blind myself through holding unto the desire to become someone special and unique – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the entire idea of specialness and uniqueness is a farce – as it doesn’t really exist – and the proof of it’s nonexistence is death – because in death all are equal and nobody dies more or less than another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept myself as an equal – to not accept that I am not special and that I am not unique – and that I am not able to become special and unique – and thus I am able to dedicate my life to something of real value and substance instead; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dedicate my life to myself – and to bringing forth something that will be of benefit to each and everyone – something that will not just be remembered as a book in 200 years time – but that will be a practical difference that make the life of all better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devalue the time I give to myself in the form of writing and applying self-forgiveness – and working with myself – and think that this time is a waste of time – and that I am only using my time for real when I dedicate it to becoming something in the system – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not see, realize and understand that there are billions of beings that have dedicated their life’s towards fame and fortune – and all of these have faced the same fate – death – and in death they have been stripped of all their glory and fortune – proving that none of that is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not equalize myself to that which is real and of substance – which is this physical world and existence – this physical and practical reality that is here in every moment – and that is here in death – that is here in every moment of breath and that is the same regardless of where I stand in the system; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devalue and deprioritize that which is real and of real value

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted that which is real – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself take for granted that which is of actual substance, actual worth and actual value – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead place value and worth into my mind – and into the energy of specialness – and into the desire of wanting to become something in the system – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted my physical world and reality that is here in every moment – assisting and supporting me to live – participate and interact – and express myself in this world – and obviously that is of real value and worth – not my mind and the various energies and experiences I have accumulated therein

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am living for a career, living for money, and living to become someone special and unique, and that is recognized and seen as important in the world system, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that real value is not in money, and it’s not in gaining position in the system, it’s not in being recognized – real value is HERE in every moment of breath – and real value is the physical – real value is recognizing myself – and not taking myself for granted – but utilizing my life and the time I have here to develop something that is real and of substance and that will stand the test of time

When and as I see that I am going into and as this energy of desire, as wanting to become remembered, and wanting to have a special life, so that I can feel good about myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am in this moment compromising myself – because I am not accepting and allowing myself to live – I am instead living for something else – living for an energy – living for a dream – living for a imagination – and as such I commit myself to take a breath – bring myself back here – and equalize myself here with and as breath – as the physical – and not anymore be a seeker for something more – but a human being living, breathing and expressing myself here

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2 thoughts on “Day 124: Living for the System

  1. sofia

    Sin duda no todos los habitantes de este planeta hemos considerado que el dinero y la fama son inútiles cuando sabemos que la muerte no distingue al pobre ni al rico, al que tiene conocimiento como al que no lo tiene, que lo único que se lleva cuando morimos es lo que hemos realizado en beneficio de lo que es mejor para UNO Y POR LO TANTO PARA TODOS. Gracias VIKTOR PERSON por el apoyo que nos brindas en tus bloc.

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  2. Pingback: Day 126: I Have Been Wasting My Time | Viktor Persson

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