Day 126: I Have Been Wasting My Time

“I have been wasting my time” – this is an interesting statement and something that have come up within me recently. The context was as follows:

Wasting-TimeAn opportunity opened up in my world to walk a particular point, I took it on and walked it, placed much time and effort into the point, and made sure that it was walked effectively, specifically, and that the final product would be to my satisfaction. Then, quite unexpectedly, the point that I had been walking wasn’t anymore heremeaning – that the initial points that the decision was based upon wasn’t anymore here – and thus – the opportunity wasn’t anymore relevant from the perspective that it didn’t anymore fit into the structure of my world.

So, here initially, I looked at the point with a sense of disappointment, as I thought that I had placed so much time and effort into this point, and now it’s just gone – I have wasted all my time! I could’ve done something else that would have had more effective results – where my efforts would’ve actually payed off. Though, after this initial reaction, I started to reflect upon this statement of “I have been wasting my time” more deeply – and looked into whether it was in-fact valid or not – had I really been wasting my time?

I discussed the point with my partner, and in doing this I could see that part of my definition and idea of ‘wasting time’ – was in-fact – ‘wasting money’ – wherein I equaled time with money – and defined whether something had been a waste or not upon the basis of whether I had acquired and gained a proportionally adequate amount of money in relation to the efforts that I had made. Though, when I saw this, I could immediately see that this definition and understanding of wasting time wasn’t clear – it was not effective and not aligned with self, process and physical living – because what was obvious to me – was that even though I had spent a lot of time creating something that in the end didn’t come to what I initially projected – the time had not been wasted – because I had actually discovered some things about myself in the process, as well as gained some interesting insights into the functionality of the mind, and the world system – thus – I hadn’t actually wasted my time.

I then asked myself, but if I didn’t waste my time during this project, what is then the actuality of wasting time? What does it mean to waste time for real?

In asking this question I could see that wasting time is not so much about what I do – it’s rather about WHO I AM – and the determining factor of whether I am wasting my time or not – is whether I am wasting myself or not. But what does it then mean to waste myself?

Well, as I see it, wasting myself is something that I do when I am not fully immersed in the physical participatory process of LIVINGBREATHING – and moving myself HERE within and as the physical – because depending on WHO I AM – life and living can be diametrically different even though I am walking one and the same point.

To exemplify: let’s say that I am working as a cleaner, and in scenario 1, I am looking at this job from within and as the mentality that it’s boring, it’s tedious, it’s a low paid job, and I shouldn’t really be doing it – it’s a waste of my time. Participating in the job from this starting point, what am I then creating? Well, I am creating exactly that which I expect; I create equal and one to my starting point – and thus my job as a cleaner will be what I make it to be – it will be boring, I will not expand, it will just be a waste of time – and something that I do because I have to.

Then, let’s compare this with scenario 2, in which I have the same job, but in this scenario, I do not have any experience towards my job, in-fact I realize that I have a tendency, to as I do my cleaning, I escape into my thoughts, and I see that I am not very present with the process of cleaning, which makes me miss points, miss dirt, and not clean very effectively – and in seeing this – I decide to expand myself, and practice presence, and practice being aware of my environment, and being specific and diligent with my cleaning, so that I perfect the skill of cleaning, and in the process learn how my body functions, and how postures, and movements effect my body, my muscles, and my general experience of myself. Look at this scenario, I am doing the exact same thing as in scenario 1, though in scenario 2, I am in-fact expanding myself in the process of cleaning, I am developing skills that will be able to assist and support me in all aspects of my life, and I am in-fact growing, and walking a real-time process of education – which is something that I will bring with me for the rest of my life in this world.

Thus, from this comparison, it’s quite easy to see what is an actual waste of time – an actual waste of time is to not be HERE with myself, and take what is here for granted, and refuse to see that in every moment, in every situation, in every breath, there is a process of growth I can take on and walk, there is a skill I can develop, there is a insight I can gain – though – it’s all up to me and who I am. As such, wasting time for real is not about money, or what I am doing, it’s about WHO I AM within what I am doing – and when I do something in presence, in awareness, and I immerse myself within it fully, completely, walking it with the physical equal and one – then I am in-fact not wasting my time – then I am walking in REAL TIME – which is really the absolute and optimum use of time – to be here with myself and constantly bring myself back here – to walk the process of birthing myself as life from the physical – which is a process of developing effective life skills – and this is not something that is limited to a certain environment, situation, or time – it’s something that I decide to walk.

Thus, the common denominator is always – SELF – and when I make sure that I do not take myself for granted – but that every breath, and every moment is something that I cherish and walk fully – then it’s impossible to waste time – wasting time is thus something that I decide to do or not to do – and in this am as such fully responsible.

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2 thoughts on “Day 126: I Have Been Wasting My Time

  1. Brandon

    There is always an inherent value in cherishing being alive no matter the setting, its the default silver lining. I can relate because although I am a college student studying architecture with full scholarship, I spent a month working part-time in a department store; engaging in the menial task of stocking boxes and bags. I went floor to floor, counter to counter. I couldn’t help but think about how to redesign systems to not just make my job easier but to eliminate my job entirely. Of course my job was temporary, and I think If I had been condemned to the position indefinitely I would have closed off my thoughts, closed off my mind to numb the pain. But because my mind was open, full immersion forced me to think deeply about the physicality of the space. How the front of the store was orderly and clean, the back was dirty and labyrinthine. We usually don’t think about the backrooms, the rooms we either cannot see or the rooms which exist only on our peripheral. Because of this our perspective of reality is always distorted, we know the back stage exists but are not meant to see it. I think that when I’m “wasting time” I’m just operating backstage, the hope is that it will help me put on a good performance.

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