Day 129: What Happens When I Exercise?

Today I did some exercising, and in doing that I applied the techniques, and methods shared in this (https://eqafe.com/p/exercising-your-quantum-mind-with-clarity-quantum-mind-self-awareness) Eqafe Interview. What is suggested is to when exercising, to be aware of where it is the mind moves, what thoughts comes up, what backchats, what images and fantasies, because these are specific points that the mind will attempt to strengthen.

When I did my exercising I noticed that my thoughts were primarily going towards two points, and the one of these was work, career, and money – and the other was sex. More specifically, the work and career point circled around education, and I could see how I was planning for the future in my mind, trying to calculate what would be the best option, and route for me to go. In regards to the sex point, it was more specifically around the point of ‘trying to find satisfaction’ – wherein my backchat was going to various problems I experience in relation to sex, and sexuality, and in that blaming other persons, eventualities, and life in general, for my experience of myself within and as sex.

Thus, the subsequent text is dedicated to self-forgiveness and self-commitment statements on the first of these mentioned points.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plan and calculate in my mind what education I should take, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that these ‘planning thoughts’ are not self-directed, and that the origin of these thoughts are in-fact fear – as fear of the future – fear of the unknown – fear of survival – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not trust myself that regardless of the choice of education I make – that I will deal with the situation that arise and find a solution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place trust in my education, instead placing trust in myself, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place trust in money, and to place trust in the system, instead of placing trust in myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire the system, money, and education to live my life for me – and hope that all will be well as long as I walk these points somewhat satisfactorily

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that education, money, and the system are but tools that I am able to utilize in creating myself and my life – yet the primary responsibility always lies with me – and as such I see, realize and understand that trust must be placed within me – because I will be the point that stands and face and walk through my life – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I place trust outside of myself, I am creating, and generating anxiety, and fear, because I will attempt and try to control that point outside me, all the while knowing, that this particular point can’t be controlled, and can’t be mastered

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize, dream and imagine about having the perfect career, and the perfect education, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to into this dream, and symbol of the perfect life, project an experience of calm, serenity, and security, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order for me to live these words as calm, serenity, and security, I must have an education, I must have a job, I must have an income, I must have this shining, bright, and promising future – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I’ve within this separated myself from the words of calm, serenity, and security

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive to live stability, and to strive to feel calm, serene, and secure in my life through attempting and trying to attain the perfect career – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am limiting myself through believing that in order for me to live a life of serenity, calm and security, I must have a career, I must be hired by someone and have a job, have a family, and have a house, with a dog – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to make each moment an expression of myself wherein I decide to relax my body, to let go of that fear, and anxious and allow myself to FEEL and BE here with this moment, and as such live serenity, security, and calm – as me being serene here – fully present in this moment – as me being securely stabilized within and as my physical awareness and presence here, as me being calm and physically relaxed, not accepting and allowing any form of mind participation in myself – but that I am instead fully here – fully with the present moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how a career, and how money, and how property can’t give me what I desire, because the fact is that attempting and trying to reach these points in life is only an attempt to suppress the inherent point of fear of survival that exists within all human beings, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not deal with, and correct the origin point which makes me go into these dreams and fantasies, which is fear of survival, fear of the unpredictable, fear of a sudden death, fear of a unpredictable death, fear of not being able to foresee my coming life and plan it to fit my desires

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and understand that fear of survival is what makes me not live in the first place, thus living my life within and as fear of survival is equal and one to not living at all, thus it’s really quite ironic to fear for one’s survival while one don’t even live in the first place – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the focus, and importance of my life to actually learn to live – to actually learn to appreciate and be grateful for this physical world and the moment to moment living that it exists within and as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the perfect career will not save me from my own fear, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for my survival, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for my future, and to fear for my continued existence in this world, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life to be all about fear, and believing that I require to protect myself from this fear, and build my life as a wall trying to remove, and separate myself from this fear – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the simplicity of forgiving the fear, of letting go of the fear, of simply not accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by and as fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that fear is a human creation, that fear is not natural, it’s not something that should exist within me, it’s rather something that I’ve accepted, and something that I’ve allowed to grow within me, to the point of complete possession, and complete control – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remove these plants of fear within me, realizing that there is nothing in this world that can save me from fear, there is no career, no house, no salary, no future, no partner, no love, no child, no family that can save me from myself and my own self-created hell – as fear – and as such I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to understand that when fear comes up within me – the solution is to STOP participating – to FORGIVE and let go – and not to try to protect myself from it through in my mind building the apparent ‘perfect’ protected life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I look at the future, and I look at various possibilities, as what I might do, or not do, to go into fear, and to fear that I will select and walk the wrong possibility, the possibility that will not lead me to a protected, safe, and guarded life, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how there is no protected, secure, and guarded life, how there is in reality only the physical here – and this world and it’s nature is completely unpredictable – and as such I am in effect not able to protect myself – and as such the solution is not to build a secure future for myself – but to release myself from this possession of fear that I’ve accepted and allowed within me – and to instead push and will myself to embrace the future – and walk into the unknown – trusting myself that I will be able to deal with the situations that arise

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into fear of the future, and I begin to project, dream and fantasize about the perfect life, the perfect future, the secure, stable, and easy future that will make me feel so grounded, serene, and calm – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I realize that there is no future that can save me from myself – and there is not future that is a solution to fear – because fear is self-generated – self-created – self-willed – and as such I commit myself to BREATHE and to live HERE within and as the physical – and be physically calm and relaxed with my body – stable in my breathing – and as such practically live the words serenity, calm, and security – here within and as my human physical body as myself – and as such let go of the projection of these words apparently being out there in some form of career

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2 thoughts on “Day 129: What Happens When I Exercise?

  1. Pingback: Never Mind: DAY 282 | Anna's Journey to LifeAnna's Journey to Life

  2. Pingback: Daring to Stand Alone. DAY 292 | Anna's BlogAnna's Blog

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