Day 131: Hastiness

Today I was studying and within doing that I noticed an interesting movement within me. It was a feeling of hastiness – I wanted to get through what it was that I was doing and go to the next thing on my ‘to-do-list’. I realized in that moment that in living from this starting point of hastiness I can’t experience and live the word fulfillment – because living fulfillment required that I live each moment FULLY here – doing what is here completely and with no agenda or future projection of wanting to get to or do something else.

Thus I see that I must practice physically slowing myself down in these moments – and walking the particular point I am involved within slowly, precisely, and specifically – being fully immersed and involved within what I am doing.

Self-forgiveness

hastinessI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live from a starting point of hastiness, wherein I am trying to get ahead of myself, trying to get to the next moment, trying to get to a place where I’d rather want to be than being here with what I am doing – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from this moment here – and to not accept and allow myself to live FULLY – here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to live fulfillment practically – I require to slow myself down and move with each moment of breath as breath here – as such not trying to haste myself to get to a future moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to haste myself through particular responsibilities that I have within my world because I perceive them to be boring, tedious, and not produce a result that I feel good about – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions as to what I am going to do – and how I am going to do it – on the basis of how I feel about it – instead of making the decision of what I am going to do – and how I am going to do it – upon the basis of what I see is practical – effective – and creates an outcome that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to haste through certain responsibilities in my world – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a future projection in my mind as to where it is that I want to get to – and how I want to experience myself in getting to that particular point – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow myself down – and let go of these future projections – and instead accept and allow myself to be fully and completely here with and as my breath – my body – and the responsibility that I am walking here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize my world into things that I like doing – and things that I don’t like doing – and as such create a relationship to responsibilities in my world where I am hasting through them – just to get them done – so that I can get to the things that I like doing and that I have a positive relationship with – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that regardless of what I do the common denominator is the physical – and breath – and this point is equal and one in all of my world – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself with and as this breath – and walk my responsibilities as breath – and stop polarizing my world into things that I like and that I don’t like

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am creating conflict within myself when I am polarizing my life into things I don’t like and things I like – and that the consequence will be that I am going to the things I have defined as me not liking – less effectively than what I am capable of – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and stabilize myself here – and equalize myself in all of my world – so that what I do is physical – it’s nothing more and nothing less – and I do not have a particular experience towards what I am doing – it’s simply a physical action that I walking in the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace all my responsibilities and realize that there is enjoyment to be found within and as all points of my life – responsibilities and entertainment – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have to stand as that joy – as the point of fulfillment – as me immersing myself in what I am doing and allowing myself to become it – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and haste through certain responsibilities in my world instead of embracing them – and learning and practicing to enjoy myself within walking them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how the solution is not to haste through responsibilities, but to investigate, and correct, the initial resistance I have towards such a point – I mean – why does resistance comes up? Why is it that I don’t want to do this? And why is it that I want to do some other things? What is it that attracts me or retracts me? What is it that is controlling me? And as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my relationship with things that I like and things that I don’t like – for granted – instead of realizing that the reason I move myself towards certain points – and resist others – is because of my emotional and feeling-based definition of these points – and how I have limited them in my mind to be subject to experiences – instead of walking and interacting with them physically here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the primary point of motivation that exists within me in regards to moving myself – is positive experiences – it’s a stimulation that I am seeking to have – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to fulfill myself and find meaning, purpose, and substance, through having events and situations fill me up with energy – instead of me practicing self-stimulation – and self-fulfillment – as my living principled here – and me creating myself in awareness – in realizing that I do not need external stimulation – I require but myself here within and as stability of breath – moving myself according to what is practical – and what is common sense

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am resisting a responsibility, and I am hasting through it, to get to something I feel that I can enjoy, and feel pleasured within, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am in this moment limiting myself and holding myself back into and as energy – being dependent on energy to direct me and decide who I am – and as such I commit myself to make a decision as to who I am – and stimulate myself – fulfill myself – and motivate myself – and do this through living fully in awareness HERE – and immersing myself in the responsibility that I am walking

When and as I see that I am rushing through a particular responsibility, trying to get it done as fast as possible, so that I can get to something that I feel good about, and that make me feel happy, and pleasured, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am compromising my responsibility through moving myself in this hastiness and rush – and that I am not allowing myself to honor myself as life – as the physical – and that I am not realizing the consequences I am creating for myself due to me not handling the responsibility effectively; as such I commit myself to move myself here in breath – and slow down physically – and immerse myself in the responsibility – and as such remove the projection of a future moment apparently more satisfying and pleasurable than the one here

I commit myself to push through and move myself through the energetic illusion of like and dislike – and rather – instead – walk and live according to what is here – be fully HERE in the moment and as such have no room for dislike or like – as I am simply here – with what is here

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One thought on “Day 131: Hastiness

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