Day 135: Withdrawal Symptoms

Some days ago I quit smoking and today I’ve been experiencing some withdrawal symptoms, which have taken the form of irritations, and frustrations coming up within me.

One particular instance of frustration that I recall from my day occurred as I was driving, and I was about to enter the highway. Upon entering the highway it’s regulated that you should speed up hastily on the approach in order to be ready to enter to traffic flow on the highway. Though, today as I was preparing myself for this speed increase, it just so happened that there was this severely slow car before me. It drove at least half the speed of the normal speed cars tend to have, and in that moment I got annoyed.

I imagined that there was probably some old person driving the car before me, and I thought that immediately as I got up on the highway, I was going to race ahead of this car, and leave behind me.

Looking at this pattern, I am able to see that I got frustrated because this car was disturbing my plans and projections, as how I’d imagined myself, hastily, and effectively driving on the approach and enter the highway. When this didn’t happen, but that it was instead a very slow acceleration, I got irritated, because my projection wasn’t satisfied.

Though, I am able to see that this irritation I experienced wasn’t only in relation to this car – rather it’s more about the fact that I am quitting cigarettes, and I experience this as a loss, and as if a rite that have served to stabilize me, have unjustly been removed from me, making my life ‘just hell’ – thus the problem I see that I require to work with today, is that I am reacting to the physical withdrawal symptoms such as feeling fidgety.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, annoyed, and irritated when and as I stop smoking, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am at a loss, and that a big and important part of my life have been removed from me, when I am now not anymore allowed to have access to cigarettes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally, and interpret the physical withdrawal symptoms of my body as anger, irritation, and frustration, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in emotions when and as I stop smoking, instead of accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that the process of removing smoking, is the process of re-directing the body, and changing physical habits, and routines, and that it involves a little pain, yet it doesn’t have to be in anyway emotional

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed, and demotivated, when and as I look at my night, because I don’t have access to smoking, and I feel that there is no drug that is able to saturate and satisfy my demand for relaxation, enjoyment, and comfort, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my access to relaxation, enjoyment and comfort to be in relation to smoking, thinking, perceiving and believing that I require, and must have access to smoking, and nicotine, in order to be calm, relaxed, and at ease with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally to the physical withdrawal symptoms of stopping smoking, becoming agitated that I don’t experience myself as being physical calm, and at ease – and begin to look for someone, or something to blame for my physical experience – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will have this physical experience of discomfort, but that it’s simply withdrawal symptoms, and nothing more, and that I do not have to create in anyway, a pattern, or experience towards these withdrawal symptoms, but that I am rather able to use breath, and my physical body, to support myself, and walk through the symptoms in stability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not assist, and support myself to walk through the physical withdrawal symptoms, through drinking water, through accepting and allowing myself to go out and walk, and move my body, and be active – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become agitated that I experience withdrawal symptoms, and want that there shouldn’t be any such symptoms within me, but that I should rather be able to walk away from cigarettes without a single experience, blaming my body, and my surrounding environment for me experiencing withdrawal symptoms

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that withdrawal symptoms is nothing more, or less but withdrawal symptoms, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make more of reality than what it is – to project my own issues, and my own desire to have things move fast, and painlessly, unto my human physical body, that in-fact simply express itself as withdrawal symptoms – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my body for experiencing withdrawal symptoms, instead of accepting and allowing myself to take a breath, and realize that this is what is here, and that these symptoms will go away with time, and that I am able to support myself with breath, physical movement, food and water

Self-commitments

I commit myself to support myself to walk through the withdrawal symptoms of stopping smoking through engaging myself in physical exercise, breathing effectively, eating nourishing and effective food, and drinking – and as such I commit myself to stop blaming my body and my environment and smoking for having these withdrawal symptoms, instead of me realizing that this is how it works, and that it’s neither good, or bad, it’s simply what it is – and as such I commit myself to walk through without judgment reality as what is in-fact here

When and as I see that I am becoming angry, agitated and annoyed, because I am reacting to the physical withdrawal symptoms of stopping smoking, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that it will not assist, and support me to walk through this physical experience, becoming angry, and that I can instead assist and support myself, and my body to make this experience and process easier for myself; and as such I commit myself to stop – breathe – and look for a solution – as to how I am in that moment able to support myself and body to let go of the physical withdrawal symptoms and support myself and my body to get through them

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2 thoughts on “Day 135: Withdrawal Symptoms

  1. Pingback: Day 138: But You Should Know By Now! | Viktor Persson

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