Day 137: Trusting Myself To Deal With It

I’ve had a thought connected with a slight fear arise within me quite repetitively the recent weeks – and it’s been the fear of keeping my blogs personalized, in fear that this might cause some future employer of mine, to find the blogs, and then shun me.

Looking at the point practically, I see that there is at the moment no need to worry, because currently I am not in the process of applying for jobs, currently there is no one that I require to hide from, because my income is stable, and it will remain like that for the coming year. So, looking at the state of my world as it functions in this moment, I do not see that this fear is practically grounded.

That this fear is continuously coming up shows me that there is something else going on, it’s not really about my blogs, it’s not really about any employer, it’s not really about what people think about me – rather it’s about my fears of the future, and my fear of ending up in this world without the most basic life necessities, such as a house, food, water, and clothing; this is my real fear – and this is what comes up within me in the form of these thoughts – calling on me to look at and deal with them.

So, I fear for my survival, and more specifically I fear for the future, and fear loosing control of the future – the specific origin fear in this case is the fear of becoming powerless – which would mean that I end up in a situation, such as for example being a beggar or a homeless, and that there is absolutely nothing I am able to do in that situation in order to get me out of it – but that I instead will remain in that secluded, and limited world of being a beggar for the rest of my life.

What I fear is actually a reality for many – there are millions, if not billions of human beings that have been born into abhorrent conditions – and fascinatingly enough I don’t experience any fear or worry on their part; which goes to show that my fear of ending up in this situation – is a fear of self-interest and ego – as it’s ONLY me – and as long as I don’t end up as a beggar or a homeless person – then it’s apparently okay and the system can continue as is.

Though, this is not acceptable, and obviously, my fear of becoming a beggar, and homeless, and becoming powerless, is in one way valid, because it can actually take place, it can actually happen, there is a reality behind it all – and this shows that to change this point there requires not only a internal change, but also a external change, because the world system as it currently exist, must reform to not anymore allow this form of atrocity; the living words of Safety and Security – are thus words that at the moment do not exist in this world – because there is no certainty – and there is no predictability – nobody is completely safe; and this is a huge problem.

Regardless, I must remove and redefine this fear – and I see that this fear of becoming powerless arise because I’ve not yet given myself the trust of knowing, that regardless of what situation I get into – I will direct myself – I will look for solutions – and I will strive for perfection – until I manage to resolve it. That is my point of stability – that I am here – and that I trust myself to direct myself no matter what.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that regardless of what situation I find myself within, that I will within that stand up, take a breath, and direct myself to find a solution, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ending up in a situation where I am powerless, within this thinking that the situation have power and control over me, instead of me trusting myself that I will stand as power and control, that I will take direction, that I will motivate myself, and move myself, to find solutions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that regardless of what situation I find myself within, that I will move myself to find a solution, that I will strive for perfection and that I will not give up – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself that I would be able to deal with a situation wherein I stand without money, and without a home, and without food – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that in standing in such a situation, I would have to move and direct myself, I would have to deal with it, and this is so regardless of whether I fear this situation occurring in my life, or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself see myself as powerless, and inferior in relation to the system, and in relation to money, and in relation to the future, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am only powerless, and I am only inferior, when this is how I accept and allow myself to view and see myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there is in-fact power in me – as me being able to direct myself in every moment – and that this is something that can’t be removed from me by the system – because regardless – I will be here with me in every moment – and thus I will have the opportunity to direct myself and find a solution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I define and see the system as superior and more than me, and me as being powerless in relation to the system, then this is what I am creating, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, and realize that I do have power – though this power exists in a different form than the power of the system – that my personal power is something that is here in every moment – and it’s my power to not give up – it’s my power to regardless of what I face – to move ahead and break through – and to not accept and allow myself to give in but rather push for and establish a solution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to establish solutions in my life – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that fear, and the fear of becoming powerless, are in-fact excuses and justifications for me to not stand up and apply the solution, which is to not accept and allow myself to go into powerlessness, which is to not accept and allow myself to give in, and to simply accept things as they are, but to rather, and instead, push and motivate and will myself to make a difference in my own life – to focus upon the solutions – to focus upon the difference that I am able to make for myself as well as others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that actual powerlessness doesn’t exist – because regardless of the situation – there is always something that I am able to do – there is always a way and there is always a solution to be found – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stabilize myself within and as the self-trust that regardless of what I will face – I will move myself to establish a solution – and I will move myself to establish a way for myself that works

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to control the future, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, that if I loose control over my future, and it plays out in a way that I’ve not been able to predict and foresee, to believe that this is then going to utterly, and completely destroy me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that if this happens – then I simply direct the point – I breath in and I breath out – I look at what is here – and I decide upon a movement and a way of living that is the best and that will produce the most effective outcome

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I am limiting myself when I accept myself as being powerless, and how it is that I am in-fact lying to myself – because it’s obvious – that regardless of the situation that I am facing – I am able to take power of my life – and move myself – because I do have what I require to do that – I have a functional mind – I have a functional body – I have the ability to consider options – and move myself according to the best one – and as such there is no excuses for me to go into and believe myself to be powerless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when fear of the future arise within me, this indicates that I do not trust myself here, and that I am attempting and trying stabilize, and gain a trustworthy foundation in my life through something external, such as money, such as relationships, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my physical body – and realize that I must stand as the point of self-trust – that I must stand as trust and power as I walk into the future and I face the future and face myself within it – standing within and as the principle of give as I’d like to receive – and when there is a problem – to immediately locate and establish a effective solution

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into fear of the future, fear that a possible future employer will not hire me because I am blogging in my own personal capacity, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this fear is not about a job – this fear is about ME and how I am not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself – that regardless of what I will stand and I will walk upright into the future – and I will deal with it through finding solutions to the problems that I am facing; as such I commit myself to trust myself – that regardless of what I will stick to my self-application – of breath – of self-forgiveness – of self-commitment statements – and I will guide myself through any contingency utilizing the principle of finding solutions to the problems that arise

When and as I see that I am trying to map out, and plan in the most specific detail possible, my future, in order to avoid any instance of unpredictability, and I notice that I do this from within and as fear, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize, and understand, that regardless of whether my plan succeeds or not – I will stand here by myself and walk into the future upright and not accept and allow myself to fall and give in – and give up – thus I will direct myself no matter what; and as such I commit myself to trust myself – and to breathe through this fear and state within me – that I trust myself to deal with the future and the problems that might arise as they come – I don’t require fear for that – and thus I let go of this fear – and I bring myself back here

Enhanced by Zemanta
Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Day 137: Trusting Myself To Deal With It

  1. Pingback: Becoming the Designated Driver of Myself. DAY 291 | Anna's BlogAnna's Blog

  2. Pingback: Daring to Stand Alone. DAY 292 | Anna's BlogAnna's Blog

  3. Pingback: Decisions That Are Not Made. DAY 293 | Anna's BlogAnna's Blog

  4. Pingback: Day 146: Giving Me A Me-Moment | Viktor Persson

  5. Pingback: From Feeling Intimidated by to Exploring Another's Expression. DAY 310 | Anna's BlogAnna's Blog

  6. Pingback: Day 161: Living By the Principle of What is Best for All | Viktor Persson

  7. Pingback: Day 161: The Principle of What is Best for All | Viktor Persson

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s