Continuing with the pattern of annoyance, which has come up recently in my world. The context of the point is that I am assisting and supporting my partner to take her driving license and thus I require transferring all the knowledge that I’ve gathered through driving cars to my partner. Before taking on this project it looked very simple, and in my mind I considered myself to be a good and patient teacher – someone that would be supportive regardless of my partners performance – though this idea of myself have recently been annihilated.
I’ve observed myself, and I am able to see that I frequently become annoyed with my partner, and it’s in particular when my partner express confusion, or uncertainty in regards to a point that I feel we’ve already gone through, and that I consider to be simple – and that I myself can do without any effort. So, here I see that I am expecting my partner to feel the same way I do about driving, and that when I find something to be simple, then this must be so equally for my partner. When this proves to be wrong, instead of dealing with the situation, explaining the point again, looking at specifically what it is my partner have difficulty to understand, I go into this annoyance, and usually remain in the annoyed experience for quite some time – time that I could’ve instead used to actually assist and support my partner to learn driving the car.
Thus – this is the point that I am going to take on and work more with – AND – to ANCHOR (for reference see HERE) this point in the physical – I see that what I am able to do as a correction for when this annoyance comes up within me is to take a Breath – a real long and deep breath – and then say STOP – no need to get annoyed here – rather focus on what is required to be done – which is to support my partner to take her driving license – a process that will not go faster if I accept and allow myself to get annoyed. And then I let go of the annoyance – and if it’s still lingering in me – I allow myself to laugh heartily at the mistake my partner did – and realize that it’s really NO BIG DEAL – then I get back to the matter at hand – which is to support my partner with her driving license.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed when and as my partner does a mistake, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the illusion that my partner should already be beyond that, and not anymore make such mistakes – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations on my partner as to how effective, and far in her process she should be, and how fast, and much she should learn – instead of accepting and allowing myself to let go of my ideas of what should be here – so that I can instead work directly with what in-fact is HERE
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach challenges, situations, and beings in my world from within and as a starting point of illusion, the illusion being that I have a expectation on this person, or situation and that I believe that this point should behave according to my expectation – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is completely delusional to have a idea, and expectation as to how something should work and behave in my environment, and then become annoyed when that particular point does not work as I expected it to
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work with things as they are, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become disappointed, frustrated, and irritated when things are not as I want them to be, instead of realizing that its absurd to believe that things in this world are to be as I want them to be, and that its really preposterous to believe that my world is to change, and become according to my wants – obviously that is not how the physical functions – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not rather work with what is in-fact HERE within and as this physical reality moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that any form of expectation or want occurring and coming up within my mind is really complete bullshit, because it’s evident that nothing in this world is constructed according to how I think, and according to the positive and negative reactions in my mind – and thus to expect that anything is going to work according to, or function according to how I imagine things in my mind – that is simply absurd, preposterous and ludicrous
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I, or my partner make a mistake in learning something new, that this is not a huge problem, that it’s not something done deliberately, that it’s not something to punish, or extinguish, but that it’s rather simply a mistake, that it’s simply that some knowledge have not been effectively integrated into the physical, and thus there is more support, more nourishment, and more tendering required, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand and comprehend the process of learning, and how it’s really unnecessary and a waste of time to blame the physical for not being as fast, and speedy as I want it to be in regards to learning and integrating new information
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be indoctrinated into believing the it’s a virtue to learn things fast, and that the opposite, of learning things slowly, must be punished, and attacked, because it’s apparently this bad characteristic that must be fought and removed, as it’s a pest – instead of seeing, realizing and understand that this is simply how the physical works, that some things some people learn slowly, other things they learn fast, while the opposite is true for other people – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work with what is here, and to not align myself with how my partner is learning, the speed at which she is integrating the information, and as such be here and support my partner in this integration process instead of accepting and allowing myself to react in annoyance
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that regardless of whether I become annoyed or not, the physical will still learn in the same pace as before, because the physical is simply expressing itself as its ability to learn, and it doesn’t care about my expectations in my mind, it’s simply here and it have a particular pace in which it is integrating information, which is something that I am not able to affect – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself with the learning speed of the physical, to work with the physical, to walk with the physical, to learn with the physical, and not anymore accept and allow myself to fight against the physical and be in this constant struggle to attempt and try to tame the physical to be according to the expectations existing within my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the physical can’t be tamed, meaning, that the physical can’t be changed through me becoming annoyed at it and wanting to for example, learn faster – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s pointless to fight against the physical, and that it’s obvious common sense to instead facilitate and work with the physical, to look at the learning process and where it can be more aligned to work with the learning abilities of the physical body – instead of just getting angry, and annoyed and thinking that the learning process should go faster
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I am reacting in annoyance towards my partner, I am in-fact spending physical time, inside my mind, physical time that I could’ve instead utilized to calmly, directively, and specifically, instructed my partner, to become more specific, and more effective, and thus I see, realize and understand how emotions of the mind are in-fact counterintuitive – that when going into the mind, becoming annoyed, when is missing out prime time, physical time, that could’ve been used to move the physical reality to a point of effectiveness and accomplishment – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the ineffective nature of the mind, and that in this physical world and reality – reacting to what is happening is not and will never be an effective way to deal with things – and thus if I want things to move and be accomplished – I must remain HERE – BREATH – and not accept and allow emotions of the mind to conquer and possess me
When and as I see that I am becoming annoyed with my partner, or anyone else for that matter, in a situation where I am teaching, or somehow working with a project, or point that moves according to time and space, and I within that have an expectation that it should move at a certain pace – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring it back here to myself, and I see, realize and understand that I am LIMITING myself and in-fact living counterintuitively when and as I accept and allow myself to go into annoyance – because I am spending time in my mind that I could instead spend here with and my physical body – to in-fact move the point I am working with forward; thus I commit myself to BREATH – to be patient and walk with the physical – to state with me that PATIENCE is PACE SENSE – thus I walk with the PACE of the physical – nothing more and nothing less – and annoyance won’t help me to do this – thus I get back here to the physical and I walk free from emotions
When and as I see that annoyance is still lingering in me, in is lying inside of me like a carpet of emotion, dulling my senses and my expression in that moment, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that in this moment I require to physical, practically move myself out of this state of being – which can be done through physical movements, through talking, through laughing, through breathing in and out, through becoming aware of the environment, in essence physically moving myself within myself to get out of the emotion; and thus I commit myself to experiment in the moment with various ways to move myself out of this dullness – and I commit myself to try out LAUGHING as a way to move myself out of this possession