Day 139: Emotion as Divergence Tactic

Today my partner confronted me about how I didn’t in a moment consider all the possible outflows of my words, and how I’ve within that had created a risk that people in my world might create assumptions, ideas, and backchat, and start to formulate their own opinions about what I had said, and in that subsequently compromise themselves in some way. The fascinating aspect of this moment was that, as my partner was speaking to me, the experience that began to grow, and take precedence over all other things was that of me feeling hurt, and criticized.

As the moment was done, and the things had been said, all I could think was that my partner somehow didn’t say this nicely enough, and that she wasn’t sufficiently gentle, and forbearing. When I got the time I thus started to apply self-forgiveness on the point, and at first I focused on the emotions – feeling hurt, feeling sad, and criticized – I continued to apply self-forgiveness, yet there was something that wasn’t right, there was a dimension I was missing – so I looked at the point again.

What I could see was fascinating, because what had happened since the instance of my partner confronting me in regards to a particular physical application of mine, was that my full attention had gone into the direction of looking at the reactions, the emotions and the thoughts that had come up in that moment. So, in effect, I had completely circumvented the point that my partner shared with me, not given that point a single thought, and instead focused everything on my experience.

I saw in that moment that this is obviously a escape mechanism, that allows me to run away from that which is relevant, and to instead focus upon that which isn’t really relevant at all, which was me feeling hurt, and sad – those emotions I could simply breathe through – yet this physical point was in-fact that which revealed to me a opportunity for practical self-change – and that point had very conveniently disappeared from the ambit of my awareness in a maelstrom of emotions.

As I became aware of this point I re-directed my self-forgiveness application to deal with the actuality of what my partner had confronted me with, and in doing this some fascinating realizations opened up – and I realized that the main point that this moment had showed me was actually how didn’t accept and allow myself to live the word consideration – in making sure that when I speak and express myself – that I put a guard before my mouth – and that I don’t speak on a whim – but that I am instead considering what I am about to say and looking at whether what I am about to say would have adverse consequences for others – and then speaking.

The main lesson learned here is thus that, emotions are not the end-point, and more often than not we actually use emotions to cover up the essential realizations that a physical consequence or moment is giving to us straight up in our faces – thus – what I must practice is to become more attuned with physical reality – and dare to immediately let go of the emotions coming up as I face a physical point, so that I can see, and deal with the reality of what is here, and thus quantify my process of physical self-change.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how emotions is not the end point, and is not that which hides the actual practical correction, and realization, but is merely the energetic compounded effect that I require to release, to then get into the specifics and the actual physical nature of a point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of focusing upon the support and assistance shared with me in a moment, to give my attention to the emotions that I experienced coming up within me, that make all and everything in that moment to be about my experience, so that I can apparently have a valid excuse as to why I do not require to look at this particular point that my partner is sharing with me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is one of defense and protection mechanisms that the mind use to make physical reality elusive, and obviously something that I allow, and play along with so that I don’t have to face myself, and deal with myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice, and will myself to master the skill of immediately letting go of experiences that come up within me, so that I can focus and dedicate myself to see what is here, and direct myself according to what is here, and as such quantify my process of self-change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when an emotion come up within me, it indicates that there is a problem existing within me at a deeper level, and that the emotion is not the end of it all, and in some contexts the emotion is simply a diversion mechanism for me to not face what is here, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make sure that I don’t get caught in emotions, but at all times remain clear on the point that the actual point of importance is physical self-change, and physical self-direction – actual in a moment directing myself to step up and stand up from within and as my mind and become a self-motivated human being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to give attention to what goes on in my mind upon the basis of what I experience to be relevant, what I experience to be a ‘big point’ – and what I experience as being uncomfortable, and making me uneasy, instead of accepting and allowing myself to take a look at my physical world and reality, at my physical living and application of myself, to see where in my world, and in how I live, that there is the most acute need for attention due to how a particular mind-point influence me on a physical level – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself push hard points that are merely thought and experience based, and give in, and give up on points that are physically manifested in my body as automated reactions, instead of realizing that it’s these latter points that I should give my attention to, and that are important for me to walk through and direct

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that at the end of the day, what is relevant, what is important, and what is actually influencing my life the most, are points that are manifested on a physical level, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give priority and attention to these points that actually influence me physically, that have my body change, that have my heart rate change, that have my general beingness experience of myself change, and with these smaller points such as emotions that come up sporadically, or thoughts doing the same, to simply in the moment let them go and shift myself back into and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s very specific that the mind induces and allures me to focus on thoughts, and emotions, and that which feels difficult and hard, because it effectively nullifies any attempt of mine to change physical points of behavior that are much more influential, and consequential than merely mental points that have not yet accumulated into physical response patterns, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not re-structure my priorities in regards to process, to make sure that I place the most of my times and the most of my support, and assistance, on walking through those points which are physically manifested characters and behaviors which do not support me, or others in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when another is speaking to me, and pointing something out to me, to in that moment make the decision to listen unconditionally, to realize that it might be a point that is personally about me, but that it’s just a part of me, and not the whole of me – it’s not the entirety of me that is wrong, or bad – it’s just a application of mine that hasn’t been effective – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally in that moment take a look at myself, to question myself, to question my intentions, my behaviors, my outlook, and my perspectives, to see whether or whether not what is shared is in-fact so – I mean I have nothing to loose and all to win in applying this particular practical application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I am confronted by another in regards to my behavior, to in that moment push myself to really listen, to really HEARE – to be HERE – and to accept and allow myself to unconditionally and without wanting to hold unto any idea and perception of who I am – listen to the information and allow myself to consider it and take into me without any fear – because I realize that there is really nothing to loose – and if the information happens to be ineffective and I would apply it anyway – this is something that I would be able to see and then correct at a later stage; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare myself to let go of any idea of myself – and who I am – and where I am – and accept and allow myself to humble myself – because I see, realize and understand that only through humbling myself will I be able to learn and expand and grow in my process of self-expansion and self-change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I perceive that another is being reactive, or angry in the way they are confronting me with a particular point, to use that as a reason for why I am now allowed to feel hurt, and to focus all my attention and awareness on my experience of feeling hurt, instead of see, realizing and understanding that whether another is reacting, or not reacting, it’s not relevant to my process of self-change, that I must discipline myself to make sure that at all times I remain here – and I dare to face the points that come up in my day to day life and living – to as such quantify my process so that I am able to change and birth myself as life from the physical

Self-commitments

When and as I am being confronted by another in regards to a particular points, and I notice I am reacting in feeling hurt, and sad, and criticized, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that in giving my attention, focus and awareness on the emotional experience, I am in-fact missing out on a moment of self-expansion, and self-movement, wherein I could in-fact learn something, and see a new dimension, and aspect of myself that I haven’t yet considered – and as such I commit myself to focus upon what another is saying – and to look within me and embrace the information and take it in me unconditionally – and consider it without any fear of loosing myself – because I realize that I can’t loose myself – but I can loose out on this moment of self-expansion through making it a moment dedicated to reaction instead of life as living

When and as I see that I am entirely focusing upon the emotion coming up within me in regards to a particular moment, or a point that I am looking at, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that – yes – the emotion must be dealt with and released – yet the actual point of self-expansion and self-movement will not be found in the emotion but I must go deeper and look at the very origin point of the emotion – the structure within me through which I’ve created the emotion – and as such I commit myself to through self-forgiveness, and writing – go deeper into the points I am working with – to clear the initial experience of emotion or feeling – but then push myself to go deeper into the point and look at the timeline, the thoughts, the memories, and the how of the experience, and how I can correct it in real time, and anchor self-change in the physical through practical, physical living

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4 thoughts on “Day 139: Emotion as Divergence Tactic

  1. Pingback: Decisions That Are Not Made. DAY 293 | Anna's BlogAnna's Blog

  2. Pingback: Why that which Feels Good is not always What is Best. DAY 304 | Anna's BlogAnna's Blog

  3. Pingback: From Feeling Intimidated by to Exploring Another's Expression. DAY 310 | Anna's BlogAnna's Blog

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