Listening to a recent interview by Anu – The Sandman has Come – I’ve begun to investigate within myself and my life what the point of alertness implies – what does it mean to be alert, awake, cautionary and attentive?
What I’ve seen is that, in regards to process, living alertness means that I move myself, and take on points that open up within me immediately, no hesitation, no waiting, no postponing, no delaying – I take it one – I walk it then and there as it comes up within me.
For example, let’s say a fear comes up within me as I am communicating with some people – instead of saying within me that “I will investigate it later” – “write about it tonight” – I can immediately in that moment take the point on; say within me – STOP – take a breath – and see how far and effectively I am able to push the point there – within this also apply self-forgiveness if necessary – so that I do not make my process contingent upon writing – but that my process is walked here in every moment of breath – and that I make sure that at the end of the day – it’s not self-forgiveness that will be the savior – instead I take in and stand as that position with myself; my own saving grace.
When speaking the word Alert – the sound that comes through is All-Hurt, as well as All-spurt – and All-dirt – and here I find the latter quite fitting; because being alert implies being aware of all one’s inner dirt, all the shit, all the darkness, and all that which goes on under the surface. Thus, I see that living ALL-DIRT – is to make sure that each moment I am here and I recognize what is going on – and I stand ready with myself as the broom – ready to wipe up any and all dirt and change into living self-expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live alertness, attentiveness, and being AWAKE, HERE in every moment of breath, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that living alertness, is me pushing myself to in every moment be aware of all the dirt, and in that push myself to act, and clean up this dirt, and make sure that each moment I walk fully, in applying myself fully to make sure that I do the utmost to correct myself and change myself in that very moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to move forward in this process, and really make the most of my time, make the most of my life, I require to be attentive, present, and awake in every moment, ready to act, ready to stand, ready to assert myself and push myself when and as a particular mind-pattern arise from within
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a inner sleepiness, wherein I accept and allow myself to feel a aversion, and a apathy towards taking on, and working with new points, and within this I let points slide, I wait with dealing with points, I simply, to sum it up, do not push myself as extensively as I am able to – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to make every waking moment of mine, a moment of process, a moment of pushing myself to stop thoughts, to stop emotions, and feelings, and in every moment apply the basic tools of process, and as such walk with time, in real time – and correct, design, and live with time, and with process
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how the statement ‘Time is always against you’ – implies that time moves at a certain pace and pattern and that this time doesn’t take me into consideration, in regards to what pace I want to move in – time simply moves as time moves – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to equalize myself with and as time – to stand, walk and apply myself with time, and allow my process to unfold, and my walking, and direction to unfold in every moment of breath
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that applying myself as alertness implies that I am ready to take on, and work with everything that comes up within me, as it comes up, and that I do not postpone, I do not wait, I do not put it unto another I moment, I make my stand here – I apply self-forgiveness here – and I move to direct myself here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not motivate myself to be alert, responsive, and participatory in my inner world and reality, and as such I see, realize and understand, that in a way, my inner reality is like democracy, and am the populace that have going into lethargy and that do not care anymore what is accepted and allowed in this democracy, what happens, and what goes on, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take back my power in my inner democracy, and stand up, and become alert of my inner world, and make sure that I place my vote in every moment of every breath as to who I am, and how I am going to live, and what I am going to accept and allow and what I am not going to accept and allow
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live alertness as myself in every moment of breath, through pushing myself to not let a moment slide, but to catch that thought, catch that experience, and in the moment move and direct myself into self-correction – to as such not anymore wait and postpone, but to make sure that I move and motivate myself – that I move and create myself – and that I do not wait for things to happen – but that I instead make things happen
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that just as in my outer world, I have to in my inner world move to make things happen, because things will not happen by themselves, things will only happen when and as I make the directive decision to move, I make the directive decision to create, I make the decision to direct myself – and thus I commit myself to in every moment make sure that I move me – that I direct me – that I push me – and that motivate myself to birth myself as life from the physical and that I do not anymore wait for things to happen to me
When and as I see that I am waiting for something to happen, to wait for an experience to change, to wait for a thought pattern to go away, to wait for me to live, I stop, I breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that the engine of my process is ME – that the MOTOR as the MOVEMENT of process is ME – and that as such I must be alert and awake in every moment – see the points – acknowledge the points – and then move myself – and generate that point of a constant movement of self-application that occurs and that becomes natural and who I am in every moment of breath; thus I commit myself to be alert – see all dirt – and to apply myself in every moment of breath and push myself to move – create and live – and I commit myself to ANCHOR this point in the physical – through when and as reaction come up within me – to immediately in that moment state a self-forgiveness in relation to the point – and stabilize myself here through breathing through the reaction