Day 142: More Discipline

Today I am going to look at my tendency to go into fear of survival in relation to the future – and I have already written about this point quite extensively, as well as applied self-forgiveness, and specified a self-corrective application – thus: today I must look at specifically why it is that I haven’t stuck with my decisions – as well as refine my self-corrective application – so that the next time I am facing this particular fear point – that I immediately go to my self-correction and that I direct the point.

Let’s first look at the context of how the fear entered into my mind initially. I was talking to a person in my world about job opportunities, and this person notified me that for youngsters with the same education as me, it’s apparently quite difficult to get a job. So, in that moment as this was being said, I entered into a fear within myself, an anxiety that I wouldn’t be able to get a job, which then led me to start imagining, and then to start saving myself and my future in this imagination. Thus, what I see that I should’ve done, was to immediately in that moment, to stop myself, to bring myself back here to and as the physical, and say – NO – I will not go into and as that fear – I will not go into and as that anxiety – I will not follow the mind – I will remain here with and as my human physical body.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not in the moment as the fear arise within me, and as the whispering reason comes up within me, as to why I apparently should go into fear, that I immediately in that moment stop myself, that I immediately in that moment bring myself back here, and I immediately apply self-forgiveness on the point, and I breathe through the reaction, and I do not accept and allow myself to make any decision or form my future from within and as this experience of fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize the tools of self-forgiveness, and self-corrective application, to in the moment as this fear of the future arise within me, that I immediately take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I move myself through the reaction, and I do not accept and allow myself to in anyway be swayed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that feelings, and emotions, particularly fear, is like these temptations coming up within me, asking me to follow them, asking me to come with them, and me to align with them, because apparently I am safe with them, much more safe than what I’d be with and by myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, bring myself back here, and say no to the temptations, and instead make the decision to earth myself, to be physical here, within and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I require to be disciplined and strict with myself, and that I will be tested by the mind, as the reactions will come up, and they will allure me with these tempting reasons as to why I should go into the reaction, why I should go into the fear, why I should give up on my decision, and my principles, and just leave them by the roadside, and go into and as a complete possession – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that these are moments of truth so to speak, that it’s in these moments that I require to push myself, to stand through the wave, to walk through the wave, and not accept and allow myself to be swayed or toppled

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the real test whether I’ve actually transcended, and moved through a pattern is when I am faced with the pattern, and I stand through, and move through it, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not discipline myself even further in terms of fear, and anxiety reaction, to each time there is a notion of such a thought, or reaction coming up within me, that I immediately stop, that I do not accept and allow myself to follow that thought, to follow that reaction, but that I in that moment do myself the greatest favor, and I apply the tools, I live the tool of self-forgiveness, and I correct myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself, and recognize when and as I’ve gone into a fear possession, which I am able to see by the way I communicate, by which questions I ask, by my general thoughts, wherein everything is directed unto me stabilizing and making sure that my future will be predictable and that it will contain money – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I notice this pattern coming up within me, when I notice that I am going into a physical state, and a physical possession of fear, that I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I correct myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that self-forgiveness is useless I in-fact live it – and thus – in relation to this fear point – I commit myself to make my self-forgiveness worthwhile – through disciplining myself to remain here and not go into the fear – not go into the experience – but instead remain here

Self-commitments

When this fear of the future come up within me, as a sneaky thought, or a emotion, trying to get my attention, and get me into a pattern of looking at and attempting to protect myself from my future, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I require and have to in this moment CHANGE – which I do through NOT FOLLOWING the point coming up within me, and thus I commit myself to live discipline, and live steadfastness – and stick with my decision to not go into this fear but instead remain here with and as my human physical body – with and as breath

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