Day 156: How Fitting In Is Really A Form of Fear

Yesterday I wrote about the point of fitting in, and today I am going to expand on this, and specifically look at the point of socializing, talking, and interacting, which is something that I often feel quite a discomfort towards doing – particularly when its with people that I have no close relationship with and that I don’t know particularly well. This fits in with the fitting in point, because I’ve realized, that when I worry, and feel uncomfortable around others, I loose my self-expression, and self-enjoyment, and these points are the fuel for socialization – because when I accept and allow myself to enjoy myself, and talk without fear, uninhibited, and without worry – that’s when I can socialize effectively.

I’ve also realized how much I accept and allow myself to become influenced by how I believe that others feel about me – for example – I will express myself in a situation openly, and playfully, and within that see that my expression isn’t positively received by those in my world – and in doing that I will start to become worried that there is something I’ve done wrong, that there is something I’ve not expressed correctly or as I should express it, and then I begin to suppress my self-expression, instead of realizing the simple point that – everybody will not like me – everybody will not feel pleasurable when I speak, and express myself – though that is not something that I can accept and allow to hold me back in life, because in doing that, I would live a life of suppressing myself and my natural self-expression, which is not something that I want to do.

So, what I am going to do in this blog is to apply self-forgiveness on the fears I have of other people, and also of accepting and allowing myself to become influenced by how I believe that others feel about me, and experience me – and I will also anchor this point in the physical through redefining the word self-confidence – because that is what I see that I lack – the self-confidence to be comfortable with myself, to trust myself, and to enjoy myself with others – and to not accept and allow how others experience themselves to effect how I experience myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear approaching others, and talking with others as myself in natural self-expression, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within me, and an idea that my natural self-expression is not acceptable, its not cool, and its not likable, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and hold myself back when and as I am communicating and interacting with others, in the belief that when I share myself I am not doing it correctly, and appropriately and as I apparently should do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being excommunicated, and fear that someone will think that I am immature, and childish when I am expressing myself, and that I am not following the social rules, norms, and regulations of how I should express myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself, and hold myself back in fear of what others are going to think about me, instead of me accepting and allowing myself to expand, and be confident in myself, and stand stable regardless of what others might think about me, or how others might perceive me, or how they might experience me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be worried when I speak with others, and hold myself on leash, wherein I am in a constant state of worry, and fear that I am going to say something that will be experienced in a wrong way, and that another will due to what I have said or expressed form a belief and idea of me that I am not likable, and that they don’t want to have anything to do with me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back around others, and suppress myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express myself, and approach others from within and as a starting point of wanting to fit in, and wanting to be accepted, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that when I am approaching a moment from within and as this starting point, I am in-fact suppressing myself, and I am not accepting and allowing myself to be unconditional, and to be open, and to be myself with and around others – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push through my fear, and stand up within myself, and practice approaching communication, and interaction with others from within and as a starting point of self-confidence, and self-trust, and that I like myself, and stand with myself, regardless of how another feel about me, or what another experience in relation to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be unconditional and open in my expression when and as I approach others, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto insecurities and fears, and think that I am loner, and that I don’t have what it takes to be comfortable around others, and express myself with others, and that what I should do instead, is that I should hold myself back, and contain myself, and make sure that I just keep everything neutral and harmonious around me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear embracing my natural and flowing self-expression in the moment, and fear accepting and allowing myself to come out, and be myself with others – in the belief that myself is not appropriate and is not cool – and that myself as natural self-expression is not sufficiently well adopted and groomed for the social settings that I interact and move myself within and as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I approach people in my world, to see them as my enemies, and to see them as people that are out to get me, and that I because of this require to hold myself back, and contain myself, and make sure that I am not to open, and to expressive, because then they might attack me and bring me down, or make me emotional, or sad, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself, and stand with myself, and support myself in moments with others, through accepting and allowing myself to express myself, communicate, and interact with others as myself, being natural, and effortless in my participation, and not accepting and allowing myself to judge myself when I make mistakes, but rather stand up immediately and get on it again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself through judging myself, and thinking that I have in moments expressed myself in a way that is wrong, and that because of this, nobody likes me, and nobody wants to be around me anymore, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for me suppressing myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I’ve taken it personally, and that I begun judging myself, when and as I’ve perceived that others haven’t liked me, or experienced themselves positively around me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself through this point of taking it personally, and judging myself, and instead approach every moment, and every interaction with new eyes, and accepting and allowing myself to open up, be expressive, share myself, and enjoy myself with others without fear, or anxiety, or worry or concern

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and be hard on myself when I suppress myself, and when I hold myself back, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea, and belief that I should be able to immediately and without practice, and without walking a physical process of self-correction, express myself naturally and effortlessly around others, instead of realizing and understanding, that in order to create and live myself as this point of expression – I require to actively and continuously push myself in each and every moment of interaction and participation to be here – to speak – to share – and to be open to what is here in this moment

Self-commitments

I commit myself to practice living self-confidence, which I will do through approaching situations, and social interactions within me being open, expressive, and within that participate without fear, worry or concern, and instead accept and allow myself to share myself as my natural self-expression here in every moment of breath

I commit myself to practice living self-confidence as not accepting and allowing myself to be influenced, or to suppress, and withhold myself, when and as I see that someone is reacting to me, and how I share and express myself, but instead continue to move, and continue to express and be here – stable, and consistent within and as myself and not accept and allow myself to take it personally and judge myself when I notice that I am not liked by another; because I see, realize and understand that its not about being liked – its instead about me living, sharing and expressing myself fully – and not accepting and allowing myself to hold myself back in fear of what others might think about me

I commit myself to push myself to expand my social circles through communicating with new people – through striking up conversations with others when I see that there is a opportunity to do so – and as such push myself out of my shyness and fear bubble – and realize that I must make the decision to walk and apply this correction continuously – and accept and allow myself to seclude myself in a worry and fear bubble

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3 thoughts on “Day 156: How Fitting In Is Really A Form of Fear

  1. Pingback: Day 157: Its something wrong with me isn’t it? | Viktor Persson

  2. Pingback: Stifling Self Through Suppression - Pt.3 - DAY 307 | Anna's BlogAnna's Blog

  3. Pingback: Day 158: Social ineptness | Viktor Persson

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