Day 165: Car-Incident Continued

I will continue writing about the car-incident that played out a couple of days ago because I am still not clear about this point.

So, I notice that the backchat comes up: Why me? Why did it happen? What did I do wrong? And accompanied with this thought comes an emotion of indignation, and anger, as well as regret. I can see that I did take this entire event very personally, and the attack against my car actually feels like an attack towards me, and my person, as I’ve been in some way violated. I can also see that my backchat circles around the point of the presumed perpetrator, what he felt, how he thought, and whether he was angry, or not – and this also goes in hand with how I experience this event as a personal thing, something that was done unto me, the innocent victim, by this bad, brutish, and spiteful presumed perpetrator in my mind.

I find this event interesting from the perspective of how it can be generalized and expanded into the greater world system, and how it really gets to the essence of what the human mind as it currently operates. Because, consider how many that daily face this type of meaningless destruction in their lives, in particular those that happen to become involved in wars. They have everything in their lives ripped away and destroyed, meaninglessly, without a valid reason, and all their hard work and labor, which had been put into building their lives, torn away in a moment. This goes to show how the mind exist and functions, because the fact is that the mind have no stakes in this physical world, it only requires energy, experiences, and there is no consideration for what is physical, what is real, and the process that has gone into establishing the physical, nurturing and life giving structures of this world – for the mind that is merely things that stands in the way of what it wants and desires; and so, we have wars – were we will destroy each-others lives because it’s what we want to do, with no consideration of what we’re really doing, or that harm we’re causing another.

This point of spiteful and arrogant destruction can also be seen in how we live in our closest relationships, we often speak words without awareness of how they will affect another, because we want to do it, we feel like doing it, and because it serves our self-interest – and when we become angry, we let it fly, because we want to, it’s apparently our free choice. Though, what we can see, when we look a little deeper, is that there is no FREE choice, because all our choices have an outflow, there is a cost to everything we do, and the sum of our choices can be seen in the general state of the world, which is not cool at all.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when and as someone lives out a pattern of anger, frustration, or irritation, and destroys something that I own, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a experience of feeling disregarded, powerless, and victimized, wherein I judge and blame the other individual as being the evil perpetrator that caused this bad, and hellish experience for me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally, and define myself as a weak and inferior victim that have no stake in what happened, and that it just came into my world, and I had nothing to do with it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck in blame instead of understanding the situation, and realizing that the this point is a multidimensional and aggregate of various points that play out into the event of my car being destroyed, and in that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame, judge, and feel that I’ve been personally violated, instead of accepting and allowing myself to remain stable, and stick with breath, and stand in this world, but not be of this world, and thus use situations such as this one, to get to understand, and see how the mind of the human operates, how my mind operates, and what the consequences are of going into and becoming possessed within one’s mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with blame, and emotions of feeling unjustly attacked, and powerless, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate these experiences in my mind, through constantly, and continuously thinking about this event, thinking about the perpetrator, thinking about what drove him, thinking about how it would’ve been if this event had not taken place, thinking about how much labor, and effort that had to be given and walked in order to correct his particular play-out and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and be angry at another for causing consequences in my life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for this point, in realizing that I am part of creating this world system, and that I’ve participated in the same mind patterns as the perpetrator, of wanting revenge, of wanting to live out my anger, and spite another, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I thus can’t judge another, and I can’t see myself as being superior and more than another, because I am not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am not superior, and that I am not in a position to judge someone that goes into spite, anger, irritation, and revenge, because I’ve lived and applied the same point in my life, and at those times I was not at the receiving end, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge, blame and attack another in my mind, instead of bringing this point back to myself, and ask myself how it is that I’ve lived out this point, and how it is that I am able to stand as a solution in my life, and live as the example of not anymore going into, and living out these very consequential mind possessions, but instead taking self-responsibility and stopping oneself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that becoming angry, and feeling hurt, is not solution, and that rather, it will be far more effective for me to take this as a opportunity to learn and to deepen my understanding of the human mind, and of my own mind, and to use this event to question myself, and to see whether I still accept and allow myself to live out mind possessions that are of the same nature, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it’s unacceptable to live out a mind-pattern, act and behave from a starting point of wanting to, and feeling like I want to do it, without regard or concern for how my actions influence and affect another, and thus I commit myself to practice consideration in all my decisions, in my words, in my mannerism, and in my behavior, and to push myself to not anymore just live and do what I feel like doing, but to realize that my actions have consequences

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to when I speak, and interact with others, and I experience myself angry, frustrated, or irritated, and I want to snap, or attack another in someway, to stop myself, bring myself back here, and remind myself of what the nature of such an act really in-fact entails, and that I would not want to be at the receiving end of such an application, and as such I commit myself to take a breath, to stabilize myself, and to deal with my demons with self-forgiveness, alone, and by myself, and as such stand as a solution, stopping the circlesof reactions, and consequences, and instead forgiving, letting go and transcending, and moving through the mind

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One thought on “Day 165: Car-Incident Continued

  1. Pingback: Day 168: Old Boy – The Revenge | Viktor Persson

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