I am continuing walking what I began in my last blog – and it’s in relation to the topic of fear and worry towards the future, and specifically one dimension that contributes to creating this point – which is the lack of self-trust.
In my last blog I showed through walking a mind-construct the fascinating nature of fear, where the interesting aspect of this energy is that it trigger me to search for a solution – a way out of the fear – yet that point will also exist within the nature of fear – and thus what happens is that there is a fear roundabout – where solutions are created to sooth the fear, and because those solutions are based on fear, more fear-solutions are required to sooth the new fear – and so this point accumulates, and more, and more so-called solutions are created in order to avoid the initial fear.
Obviously, there is much easier way to deal with this – and that is to forgive the fear – to understand the fear – to walk into the belly of the beast and investigate the fear and what it actually consists out of.
So, let’s again look at my thoughts more closely – what is the nature of my thoughts?
I can see that one aspect of the thoughts is the fear of making a mistake, and if I make a mistake, I will found out to late, and then I am going to have to face the consequences of my decision, which will be uncomfortable and unsafe. The inner projection goes something like this: I see myself in the future, I notice that I haven’t effectively planned my way into the future, and that my life is not taking on the shape and form that I hoped for, I then go into fear, and think that, I shouldn’t have made that decision à which in real time causes me to go into conflict about a particular fear-solution that I’ve established in my mind.
Really, what is that I am able to learn from this entire carousel?
Well, the most basic insight is that decisions shouldn’t ever be based upon fear, ever, and the simple reason for this being that it doesn’t produce very effective decisions, because one tend become paranoid, and create all types and forms of events, and failures in one’s mind before one have even begun to walk the point in physical reality, which is obviously very fascinating – thus – in order to for real establish a solution for the future – the first point that must be settled once for all is the fear – there can’t be any fear if there is to be an effective movement into the unknown.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to create solutions for me fear, through creating more future projections, not realizing that these are also based upon fear, and that the origin point isn’t dealt with, the origin point being lack of self-trust, lack of self-reliance, a belief that regardless of what I do, I am going to fail, and the worst possible scenarios will come my way, and be in my way – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that first and foremost, before any decisions are made, I first require to deal with my fears – I first require to establish that self-trust in me – that regardless of what might come – I will walk into the future and direct the future and not accept and allow myself to be swayed or manipulated by fear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in relation to the future, to trust myself that when I walk into the future, I will stick to my breath, and my physical direct application here, and I will move myself through any challenge, and any difficult, and I will create my life as what is best for all – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist, within and as this state of constant protectionism, a constant state of preparation, wherein I am preparing myself for the worst, and attempting and trying to find countermeasures, and ways in which I will be able to save myself from the fears that arise in my mind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the more I think, the more I polarize my life, and the more fear I create – the more hopes, and desires – the more fears – and thus I see, realize and understand that the solution here is to let go of my fears and anxieties – and walk into my future with a straight back and not accept and allow myself to look back in despair and worry
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this fear I am generating in my mind, comes from this idea and belief that I can’t trust myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to state within myself, that I am not able to trust myself, that I am not able to rely upon myself, that I am not able to walk into the future, because I am not effective in my movement, direction, and functionality – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of developing self-trust, and self-reliance, and seeing that I am able to walk into the future and deal with any point that comes my way – to instead place my trust in fear, and anxiety, and see and believe that these points are my haven, that they are my security, and that without anxiety, and stress, and fear – I won’t be able to walk into and create a life for myself in this world
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of trusting myself – trust fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when and as fear comes up immediately step in – and state within me that I don’t require this fear anymore – because I stand as my own point of self-trust – thus I will walk with myself into the future and I will stand by myself and make sure that I get done what is required to be done – and thus this fear is no longer required or necessary – I instead stand as this point of self-support and self-assistance in my life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with and as fear of the future, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the so-called solutions I come up with in my mind are actually but more fear, wherein I create another scenario of fear in my mind, and generate even more fear, and within this I see, realize and understand that the solution is not more fear – the solution is not more anxiety – the solution is not more thinking – the solution is slowing down – and specifically forgiving all of these fears, and not anymore giving attention to, and accepting and allowing myself to become self-obsessed and possessed within and as these fears
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea that I must do more courses the next semester, from a fear that unless I do so, I won’t get a job, and within this create fear, that if I do more courses, I will get a less effective grade on what I am doing, and then this will contribute to me not getting a job, and getting my hands on money – and thus I realize that the origin point is not the studies, is not my education – I mean that’s simply a practical point of consideration – what is the origin point is FEAR – and the lack of self-trust that I will be able to stand up and walk into and direct myself in my world – and face the challenges that might arise in my world and walk through them – and direct them – and not accept and allow myself to waver and hold back within me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to walk through my fears, and to stop my fears, and realize that this is a point that I’ve not yet completely lived and applied, the point of actually, in-fact stopping myself in the moments when I notice I want to go into and think about my future, and start planning my future, and attempt to avoid some form of fearful outflow that I imagine for myself where my life will be without meaning, without purpose, and I will not be able to deal with my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to make each day a fear stopping day – and fear forgiveness day – where I forgive each fear that comes up within my mind immediately – and then I stop myself from venturing further into thoughts of fear – and I bring myself back HERE – and I participate – interact and live HERE
Thus – today is my fear stopping day – and I commit myself to live this application through stopping future projections, stopping myself from following thoughts that I know are triggered by anxiety or fear, and forgiving the fears when they arise within me
Thus I commit myself to bring my trust back to myself here through letting go of the projections, through letting go of the fear, and inserting a new program – that is self-trust and self-reliance HERE – and I commit myself to live and apply through making sure that I take responsibility for and direct my life in any given moment – and that I live HERE – and that I plan my future and walk into my future from a starting point of HERE as what is best for all – as what will produce the best possible outcome for everyone involved – and thus I commit myself to insert this point into my daily life and living and not anymore accept and allow myself to be obsessed and possessed with fear