Day 177: Chasing Time Instead of Being In-Time

I will in this blog continue to look at stress, and specifically how I tend to accept and allow thoughts, and backchat that have the nature of stress, in moments throughout my day, that accumulate to become a full-blown possession, and physical experience of stress.

What I’ve seen is that one particular thought pattern that I accept and allow has to do with my studies, and it’s in relation to placing a particular amount of time into my studies each day. During the initial semesters in the education that I am currently walking, there was a fast paced tempo, and it was many times necessary for me to sit down each day and study for several hours in order to keep up with the curriculum and learn that which was required to be learnt. Now, when I am walking the final semesters, and I’m soon done with the education, the pace have significantly dropped, and the tempo is not anymore has demanding – yet still – I hold unto a sense of stress and pressure within me, that unless I put down a certain amount of time each day into my studies, I am not going to be able to make it, and walk through my education sufficiently effective; thus there is a misalignment within me in regards to the actual time and energy I require to put down into my studies, and how much time and energy I believe I require to put down into my studies.

Though, I’ve actually found throughout my educational years, that it’s been a very cool point to put in more time and energy than what has been required to just to get through, because that has allowed me to expand, and to learn more, and to become more comfortable with the field of study that I’ve chosen to pursue. So, the problem is not really that I am putting in to much time, the problem is rather, that I’ve connected an experience of stress, and anxiety in relation to time, and created a belief that I absolutely need to put down a certain amount of hours each day – which leads me into a form of chase for more time – where I experience myself as if I am fighting against time, to make the most use of my time, and to get the most out of my time.

It’s fascinating; because the consequence of chasing after time, in order to get more out of time, is that I am not using my time effectively – why? Well, when I am chasing time, the chase, and the attempt to be effective with my time, that is my priority – and what takes the backseat in such a application is my actual usage and living with and within the time that I have available. So, instead of me being fully focused, clear, and stable HERE with what I am doing – fully into and immersed in the point of studying, reading, or learning – I am instead in the experience of stress as chasing time, and attempting to gain more time; which obviously then compromises my ability to learn, and use time effectively.

The interesting point that can be learned from this is that when I perceive that there isn’t enough time, and I am chasing time, what am I then doing? I am actually creating that very point, and manifesting such a shortage of time in my life, which leads me to compromise what is important, relevant, and required to be done in my life – thus – what I see that I must do, is that I must stop chasing time, and instead use the time that is here, and be present with every moment, and walk with time, and stop myself from chasing time – because chasing time is in-fact me making a statement that there is not enough time, and in that creating such a shortage of time – instead of standing within the point that time is HERE – and thus there is sufficient with time for me to deal with my responsibilities, walk my education, and expand myself in my fields of interest – because that time is HERE – it’s just that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to use it through being present, aware and stable.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase time, and exist within and as a starting point in my life, and living that there is a shortage of time, that there is a lack of time, and that I as such must always run after, and attempt and try to save time, and make more time for myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I exist within and as a starting point of chasing time, I am actually creating for myself a shortage and lack of time, because I am not accepting and allowing myself to practically USE the time that is here effectively and specifically

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself from within and as a starting point of thinking that there is not enough time for me to move myself through my life, and thus I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become stressed and worried, that there is not enough time for me to expand myself in relation to my education, and to deal with, and care for, and walk my commitments, and responsibilities, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I am limiting myself, and holding myself back, and creating a shortage of time for myself that is completely unnecessary, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that if I accept and allow myself to slow down, and move myself within and as breath, and walk each moment fully, that there is sufficient with time for me to move through my day, to care for and attend to my commitments and responsibilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I make the statement within me, that there is not enough time, I am actually creating that in my life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a lack of time, to create stress within me in believing that I don’t have time to care for my responsibilities, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that when and as I align myself within and as my human physical body, and align my starting point, so that I am here in every moment, capable, and present to take care of and direct the points that are here in the moment, then there will always be sufficient with time – because I am directing myself HERE looking at the moment and making the necessary decisions to make sure that my life moves according to what is best for all – thus I stand able and directive here instead of going into stress and worry and fearing loosing time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing time, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow thoughts in my mind, wherein I state that I don’t have much time today, how am I going to get done everything I’ve on my schedule today? And thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow such a thought to be the starting point of my movement, then I will create that lack of time within me, and I will move throughout my day in stress, resulting in that I walk points haphazardly and without going in-depth and moving through as specifically as is required – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to and as my human physical body, to slow down, and to walk moment by moment, breath by breath, and deal with the responsibilities and commitments that arise HERE – and not project myself into my future and trying to live my life in my mind instead of living here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself into believing that I can get things done through thinking about them, and planning them in my mind, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, the simple, and basic common sense that in order for me to be effective in my life, and walk each moment fully, I required to be fully present here, fully immersed in what I am doing, fully concentrated, fully aligned with and as my human physical body and the point that I am currently caring for or walking – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not immediately stop these projections, and instead move myself to walk through and direct the responsibilities that I have in my life – and get the things done – that I’ve decided upon to get done throughout my day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my projections, and believe that when I project myself into my day, and imagine myself doing and walking through my responsibilities and commitments, that I am then actually doing it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the basic common sense, then when I am somewhere in the future, when I am somewhere out there in a projection doing something else but being here with and as my human physical body, directing myself to care for and attend to my responsibilities, then I am not effectively caring for and directing, and taking care of my life here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here – and move myself on a breath per breath basis – to move myself from moment to moment – and trust myself that I will walk and direct this moment here fully and as is required – and that I don’t need these projections to come up in my mind and live my life for me – I can live and direct my life here instead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust stress, projections, imaginations, and ideas of time, and how much or little time I have, more than myself here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as being inefficient, and insufficient, in terms of being able to take care of, and direct my life here as breath, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate, and fear stepping out of stress, and stepping of the character of creating projections and future imaginations, in believing that I need and require those forms of mind-participation in order to survive and care for my life effectively, not seeing, realizing and understand that I am in-fact able to stand as, and walk, and live those points myself – and that I accordingly don’t require this energy coming up within me, saying to me, and showing me where I should go, and how I should live, and participate in order to make something out of myself

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into a state of being, or think to myself that I don’t have enough time, and that I am lacking time to take on, or walk a particular point, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that in saying within myself that I lack time, and within that start moving myself from a starting point of stress, and chasing time, I am actually creating that very lack, and that very ineffectiveness in terms of using my time here, and thus I see, realize and understand that in order to use time effectively, and have time to walk through my responsibilities, I require to be stable within myself, and look at time practically, not within stress, or anxiety, or worry – but simply seeing time here as what it is – as a certain amount of breaths that I throughout my day that I will be able to live and create within – and thus I commit myself to walk from moment to moment – to deal with my responsibilities and commitments in full presence and awareness of myself here – and to be fully immersed and give complete attention to what I am doing here – and thus USE my time effectively and specifically – and not squander my time through stressing, worrying and thinking about time – instead of living in time here

I commit myself to be in time – through standing equal with my breath – standing equal with the movement of time as the physical here – and thus I commit myself to slow down and walk breath by breath – and moment by moment – to assess my world and my life according to what is required to be done – and direct my life in this moment HERE – and not direct myself from a starting point of lack of time – and chasing time – in an attempt to attain more time

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