Day 188: Forgetting To Live

It’s quite easy to fall into a pattern of being – and a way of accepting and seeing yourself when there is no one around to point out that this is what is happening – luckily I’m part of a group that’s walking to create a world that is best for all – and in this group we do assist and support each-other to point out when we see that we’ve been going into a pattern of being that is not assisting and supporting us in our expression.

So, yesterday I had a discussion with someone about experiences that I’ve had recently, that I’ve been unable to explain – and what came forward was that I’ve in stood back within myself and waited – and this have created the consequence that I’ve placed emotional stress on myself and that I’ve begun creating the experience of ‘losing my lust for life’.

I could relate to what this person told me – and I could see where in my life that I’ve been standing back and waiting – though it took a while for me to realize that this ‘standing back’ have actually happened most extensively within me – and in particular in regards to a pattern of dread towards future/career/education – that I’ve been writing about here. So, I’ve not actually taken this pattern to a conclusion – I lived into my physical world – and that is one point where I see that I’ve been waiting. I’ve been waiting for my self-forgiveness and my dedication in writing to take this point into correction – and in that I’ve not willed myself to each and every time this fear comes up – to say: NO – I will not accept and allow this – I will not lead my life by fear! – Because I see that this is what is required – I require putting my self-forgiveness and my writings into physical, practical application and stop waiting for something to do this for me.

I also got the question as to how I am able to make my relationship to career/future/money more interesting – and here I realized that there are opportunities in my life in relation to these aspects – that holds the answer – that there are very specific points that would imply making my life in these aspects more interesting and challenging – and the problem is that I’ve not yet embraced those points – and accepted and allowed myself to walk them into create – without hesitation – without fear – without wanting someone else to make a decision for me – without doubting my decision and myself within it – but instead doing it – getting it – moving myself and getting it done.

Thus – I see before me that I’ve some practical applications to start working with:

Look at how I am able make my life in the context of money/career/education/future – more interesting/challenging

Stop waiting and walk the necessary corrections that are required to be walked – and don’t expect this to happen by itself

Start owning my decisions, responsibilities, future – start owning my life – in that I make the decision – I walk – and I move – because I decided to do so

If I am to summarize what I’ve learned – and what I see that I need to incorporate in my life – it comes down to one word – LIFE – meaning to realize that I am here – and the only place to create and live is HERE – I can’t wait for life to happen to me – I must create/direct and will life into existence.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my life to happen – to wait for myself to stop certain accepted and allowed reactions in my mind – to wait for myself to change – to wait for myself to expand – to wait for myself to find the right decision – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can wait for an eternity because I have to make that decision – I have to make the final movement and say – this is where I am going – this what I am doing – and this is why I am doing it – end of story – let’s go

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring into my life the living of playfulness and the application of being like a breath of life – meaning: to not fear living – to not fear going into the unknown – to not fear challenges – to instead face my life with playfulness and self-trust – in realizing that whatever is going to happen – I will stand here with myself and walk through the point – and get it done until it’s done – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace this point of walking into my future fearlessly – realizing that I will only create fear within myself when and as I start thinking – and thus I commit myself to end all thinking – make a decision – and then walk my decision until it’s done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for LIFE, friskiness and playfulness outside of myself in relationships – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am looking for and desiring this point – because I’ve not made the decision within me to walk – and trust myself in what I walk – and get it done – to make a decision that I see will benefit everyone – and then take that decision into practical living – to stop doubting myself – to stop fearing what ifs – and just go for it – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop waiting within myself – and start acting – start actively changing within and without – making myself the creator of the decisions that I’ve made – owning my decisions – and owning my life – and creating/directing the life I want to have for myself in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my mind will throw up any and all kind of things when I make a decision to go into a direction that is not pre-programmed in myself – or in this world – and that thus I can’t expect the mind to support me in the decisions that I make – but I must stand as my own support – I must stand as my own rock – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make a decision and that build my house on a rock – which is myself – and realizing that I will never change myself when I’ve made the decision unless it’s not practical – and thus I move myself with the decision and get it done – and don’t expect any support from the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for myself to own my life – own my decisions – own my direction in life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly project myself into the future – and in the future create these various ideas of myself of what I am going to do and what I am not going to do – instead of taking that into physical – practical application HERE – to thus – stop waiting and bring into manifestation that which I see are keys for me to create the life that I want for myself – and the life that I want for everyone else – also understanding that the life I want for myself must be in alignment with the life of all – because when I only see and consider myself and my experience within it all – I am going to compromise myself and disempower myself – and abuse others with the excuse that I have free choice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s easy to slip back into the mind when I accept and allow certain points to not be directed – but instead to fester, grow and remain – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed it to take such a long time for me to get to this point – where I realize that I have to implement changes – that I have to move myself – and that I can’t accept and allow myself to anymore remain stagnant and immovable within me; and thus I commit myself to realize the importance of self-writing – of keeping myself in-check – where I see where I am going – what’s going on within me – and also realizing the importance of taking points to a conclusion – of opening up the reactions – and then going through them until I’m at a point of conclusion and I know what to do – where to go – and how to build and create my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I know what I have to do – that I’ve seen it clearly for myself for quite some time the direction I have to go into – and that this fear that has come up is in-fact merely resistance because the way before me is not pre-programmed – is not what I feel like doing – it’s not what I dreamed and hoped for me to do in this life – it’s instead hard work and it’s simply physical – practical living and application; and thus I commit myself to walk the path I see is set for myself – and create my life – walk through the resistance as fear and realize that I don’t require an energy of feeling good to move and motivate me in my life

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to stop the fear that I’ve accepted and allowed to run me and take me for rides in my mind – and in this I commit myself to own my decisions for my future – my life – and my world

I commit myself to stop waiting – both within and without – and instead of waiting – take active movement – active decision – to decide where I am going and what I must to do get there – and then start moving myself

I commit myself to integrate playfulness into my life – and stop making my life a series of routines that I do in order to survive – and instead make and create my life as an expression that is here for the benefit of everyone – as what is best for all

I commit myself to look at and apply solutions into my life as to how I am able to make the aspect of my life in relation to career/future/education more interesting and challenging – and thus I commit myself to stop fear – and instead push myself to live

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