Day 193: Wiping Your Eyes and Survival

One point that has come up recently is me reacting in irritation when as my partner touch her face – and clears her eyes – I am going to take a deeper look at this point in this blog.

So, what I am able to see is that act of touching one’s facing and clearing one’s eyes definitely has no negative impact on the physical world or the human physical body – and that being irritated about this is one of those irrational and unnecessary points – that simply doesn’t serve any purpose whatsoever.

I can also see that the reaction in itself doesn’t have anything to do with the actual act of my partner wiping her eyes – rather it’s about the symbolical representation of this – and what I perceive that this act means = I see it as a form of tiredness and acknowledgement that one is not in a optimum physical state – but that one is sluggish and not energetic – not sprawling with life – and not exuding a desire to create and move forward – and this is something that I then judge and look down upon.

It’s thus not about the actual act of my partner wiping her face – it’s about how I perceive that this is somehow an act of weakness – and apparently – according to the logic I currently possess – this weakness is bad. This goes hand in hand with the idea that my partner is apparently my ‘possession’ and that a ‘weakness’ in my partner shows a weakness in myself – and in order for me to be a winner and victorious in this world – I apparently require to surround myself with people (and a partner) that exudes superiority and excellence – because then I can perceive myself as that point of superiority and excellence and feel like a winner.

In the end it comes down to survival – and how I want to change my partner to be the way that I perceive a successful survivor to be – someone that wins and that is able to take this world with storm and walk out of it with the highest price – this is thus where the reaction comes – it’s that my partner is not at that very moment fulfilling and satisfying my idea of winning and superiority – and how I want my relationship to be reflected and shown in the world – and obviously this is quite a fuck-up – because a relationship shouldn’t be about me presenting a successful image to the world – it should be about me getting to know another – walking with and supporting another – and assisting each-other in this process of self-creation – walking a relationship should be about WHO I AM and getting to know the WHO of another – not merely creating ideas of another and wanting them to satisfy ideals and perceptions of what it means to be a successful and strong survivor.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view and value my partner and my relationships with others according to how I am able to use these points in order to further my self-interest and win in the system – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be concerned with and only care about wanting to win – and wanting to achieve a form of superiority in the world wherein I get attention and notice for how grand and effective I am in my life and in my application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge wiping one’s eyes and touching one’s face as being a sign and representation of inferiority and lack of discipline – and strength – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this point – and go into anger and irritation when and as I see that my partner does this thing – thinking that it signifies and shows a weakness – and that it makes me look bad in the world system of competition – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach relationships – and life in general – from within and as a starting point of competition – wherein I want to place myself in such a way that I am sure that I’ll be able to survive – and win – and compete with others and be in a favorable and superior position in comparison with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to win – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach my life from a starting point of competition – wherein I believe that the only valid and meaningful purpose in life is to compete – and is to prove myself as being superior and competitive – and more than; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to evaluate my relationship with my partner from this perspective – that it’s only valuable when it supports me in my endeavor to win – and be victorious – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how there is much more to a relationship – and to life – that life doesn’t need to be about competition – but that I can instead live here within and as equality – and stand equal with life – and thus realize that equality is real fulfillment – that equality is real satisfaction – that standing here and grounding myself in the physical and re-aligning my starting point to not be about winning – but rather about me creating a world that is best for all – that is a way to live and participate which is of real significance and impact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to evaluate not being competitive in this world as being a weakness – instead of seeing, realizing and understand that competition – and trying to get the better hand in the game of survival is not a representation of real strength – because real strength is about me making a decision to actually live and move myself within a purpose and starting point that goes beyond my personal desires – and my personal self-interest – wherein I place myself in a position within where I consider and look at what is best for all – and make that my starting point and from where I make decisions and from where I move myself to take in a position – or walk a relationship – thus not making it to be all about myself and who’s winning and who isn’t – but instead making sure that all are winners – and that all are cared for equally – and that nobody gets left behind

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to actively ask myself how I am able to move and participate and create to bring about a change that is best for all – and I commit myself to look at my life as an opportunity for me to bring about change in this world permanently and substantially – and make this my priority – and place everything else second to that

I commit myself to realize that winning is not real when only one person wins – that is not winning – it’s rather a form of abuse and bullying that takes place against those less fortunate – and thus I commit myself to re-align myself walk towards a common ground and common point where all are winners – and thus I commit myself to stop judging my partner – when she touches her face and wipes her eyes – and realize that I am not in this relationship to further my self-interest and ‘win’ in this world – but I am here to get to know another for real – and to create something of value and worth that stand beyond competition – that stand beyond winning and loosing – that honor the equality that is here between all various expressions in this physical world and reality

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