Day 199: When Finding Solutions is a Cover Up

I’ve found that my stress and anxiety in most cases start in the morning, and that it becomes activated by a single thought – and that I then after that will substantiate and keep the reaction alive through going into backchat about the point. The backchat will be in the nature of ‘solution finding’ – which means that I will in a slight yet clearly palpable experience of stress and worry find ways out of this fear experience – I will place myself in future positions and difficulties and come up with innovative ways to deal with the point. Though – the problem is that this entire inner exploration of solutions isn’t really about solutions – it’s about stress and worry – and my continuation in this form of backchat merely puts fuel on the fire.

So, what I see is that I must become even more strict with myself in regards to not going into these inner discussions – and instead I must practice and push myself to catch that first and initial thought that arise within me that otherwise will place me in the pattern of stress and worry. Here it’s important for me to understand that thinking about these things WILL NOT HELP – it won’t make the challenges and difficulties of life go away – it will not save me from this world – because that is an idea that me as well as many of us carry around.

We somehow believe that thinking about things will ameliorate the issues, and that when we go into our minds and look for ‘solutions’ – that we’re actually creating something that will be able to utilize in the future to make our lives more effective – though in most instances the only thing we do when we visit our minds in this way is that we fuel the initial experience, the emotion or feeling that was triggered at the outset – and we don’t reach any form of conclusion or insight – we just think about the point – missing the life that is here before us.

Thus – this idea of believing that thinking somehow benefits me, and makes life easier for me, and that without thinking, I wouldn’t be able to see, and find effective solutions for myself, and direct myself in my day-to-day living – that is what I will work with in this blog – to within this develop a clear understanding that the thoughts that arise within me do only have one purpose – and one design – and that is to keep me locked into a constant state of energy and experience so that I won’t step out and see that there is another way of life possible – a way of life that is based on physical living – a life that is stable and the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that through thinking about the future, and through creating these apparent solutions in my mind, where I dwell in problems in my mind, churning them over and over again, that this helpful for me – and that this assists and supports me in life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this thinking in-fact doesn’t lead to anything of worth and value what-so-ever – that the only thing I am producing with this thinking is more anxiety, more fear, more worry – and even more problems to take into account

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself when and as I notice that my backchat take the form of thinking about the future, trying to establish solutions to problems that I’ve imagined in my mind, problems that I fear and experience a worry towards, and then try to remove, and push away through thinking about them, and establishing these strategic plans and tactical maneuvers – so that I can avoid any such situation coming into my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that thinking about these fears will not solve the issue, because the problem must be dealt with at it’s core, and the problem that I am facing here is that I’m still carrying around with and generating large amounts of fear, and thus I see, realize and understand that the real solution must be where I target this initial origin problem, where I stop the participation in any form of thought, or backchat that lead into creating more energy, and where I as such make it a priority for myself to stabilize myself in this regard

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stressed thinking about the future and how it might possibly be difficult for me to get a job close to where I live – and get a job that I will be able to effectively sustain my life upon – and this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a character and way of attempting to deal with this – as thinking about what I can possibly do if I find myself in such a situation – how I can possibly deal with the situation – how I can possibly find a way out – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop the problem at it’s core and it’s origin – which is the initial thought of worry and doubt that comes up within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ending up in a position where my life is being compromised on several levels, and in several dimensions – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to commute long distances in the future – in the fear that I won’t in such circumstances have the necessary time to devote to myself and my process – and the things in life that are my responsibilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will in the future not have the necessary time to devote to my process – my partner – and interests as well as hobbies – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear and anxiety that my work is going to eat up my time – and that it’s going to devour and suffocate my beingness and expression – and that there won’t be anything left of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that in the future – I will end up in a position and state where I feel that I don’t have enough room – and space to develop myself – and place attention to the things that I like to do – and enjoy to do – and hope that I will be able to do in my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing the freedom to choose – to fear loosing the freedom to build and create my life according to the hopes and desires that I’ve created in my childhood – such as having a lifestyle of me being FREE – of my life being easy and comfortable – and me being able to dedicate my time and effort to the things that I like

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my lifestyle in the future will be rigorous – that it will require discipline – and that I am very specific with what I do with the little pastime that I do possess – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my ability to choose and decide what to do with my life – how much leisure time that I have – how much pastime that I place into things that I enjoy and fancy doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stepping into the adult world of making money – having a family – and working in the system – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will loose myself in this entire process and machinery – that my beingness and expression will become lost in all the duties, responsibilities, commitments, and requirements – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach my future in fear – instead of approaching it within and as courage and stability – instead of realizing that regardless of what I will face – I do have the necessary tools – I do have the necessary skills to be able to deal with the points and establish a solution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having a child, and fear building my own house, and settling down with my partner, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it will become a too demanding and strenuous burden – that it will suck the life out of me – suck the enjoyment out of me – and disable me from being able to do anything of significance and worth with my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a state of fear of going into and embracing my future and my life – believing that I will most certainly loose myself – instead of making the commitment that regardless of what I face – I will stand – and I will move – and I will make sure that I nourish and substantiate my relationship with myself – and that I take care of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing and leading a life that is swamped with responsibilities – commitments – duties and obligations – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my freedom – to fear loosing time that I can use towards anything that I’d like – to fear that my life will become a prison where I can’t do anything that I’d like to – and that I can’t create and build anything that I’d like to – because there is no time – there is no opportunity – there is no freedom for me to be able to create such a point – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is in-fact a fear – and that it’s not a reality – that I don’t know what my future will bring – and that it’s as such completely unnecessary to exist within and as this constant and continuous state of fear towards it

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that a problem comes up within me, a picture of the future where I see myself being dissatisfied and out of time, stressed and having lost my freedom, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this picture that comes up within me is a thought, and that if I follow it I am going to create consequences for myself such as fear, and anxiety, thus I commit myself to push through my curiosity and desire to go into that thought, and find solutions to the apparent problem it presents – and I commit myself to stabilize myself HERE within and as my human physical body – within and as breath – and walk HERE – participate HERE – and face my future within and as breath

I commit myself to embrace responsibilities, commitments, duties and obligations – to not anymore fear loosing my freedom and ability to do what I want – but to realize that in order to have an impact I require to give up my self-interest – and thus give up my desire to be able to choose what to do with my life – and thus I commit myself to face the point of giving up my hopes for a easy life – and instead walk into a life of making sure that I do whatever is required to bring forth a new existence that is best for all

I commit myself to immediately stop when there is stress and worry arising within me, to not try to find solutions and ways out of these apparent problems, but to instead stop and then let go – to stop and then stabilize myself HERE – and thus I commit myself to trust myself that when I walk into my future I will direct the points that emerge effectively – I will trust myself and make the best of the situation – make the best of myself – thus I commit myself to stop fear and instead give my attention to living and breathing – and creating myself here within and as the physical

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