Day 205: Stressed-out when expected to perform

Today at my job I was driving some customers to the location where they wanted to be dropped off (I’m working as a cab driver) – and up until that point everything went smoothly. But, when I was about to handle the money transaction, the system that I use to wire these payments suddenly stopped working – and due to that the customers had to sit in the car and wait for me to restart the system and re-do the entire process of handling the money transaction – and this was the first point of stress.

The second point of stress that then entered the picture was a car in-front of mine, because as I’d stopped at the end location and begun the process of arranging the payments – a man walked out of a building and entered into his car that was just beside where I’d placed mine, and that car had now been blocked on the driveway and was unable to move out on the streets – and on top of that the location in itself was extremely tight and there wasn’t much space for errors when navigating the car.

So, in the same span of time I’d to deal with these two stressors, and that made me jumpy – worried about the customers experiences, worried about the experience of the driver in the other car that I was now blocking, and worried about the very tight spaces I’d to navigate. I noticed how my left calf tightened, and how my physical body became more hard and restricted – I was entering into a defense-mode where my perspective of the world changed from me being here – finding solutions – interacting and being stable – to survival mode.

Thus – I find it interesting that it wasn’t in particular the situation, as the various points that occurred at the same time, that was stressful – because I was very much aware of the cars, the customers, the tight spaces, and what was required to be done in order to get the point to a conclusion – what was stressful was that there where people involved – and that triggered the fear of conflict, the fear of dealing with pissed off and unhappy customers, and an equally pissed of an unhappy car owner that isn’t able to get out because I am blocking the driveway.

Though, it’s obvious that this fear isn’t necessary at all – because even before the fear emerged within me, I was dealing with the point, and that happened solely on a physical level – thus I see that these situations doesn’t have to be stressful or create angst within me – because they can be walked through physically, directed physically, and solved physically – only with the help and assistance of the human physical body – that is everything I need and require to walk through hectic situations and difficult problems.

Then it’s also to see, realize and understand that even though I do get fearful as to having others react in anger, and frustration, this won’t ameliorate the situation, it won’t prevent people from becoming pissed off and angry – rather it will just put me in a position of being worried and afraid, and then on-top of that someone might lash out anyhow – thus also here fear serves no practical purpose whatsoever – rather the solution is to focus on what must be directed, how must it be directed, what steps must be taken to steer the entire mishap or whatever is going on into a solution – thus the attention and focus must be on the SOLUTION – what can be practically and physically done to direct the point.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stressed out and worried when dealing with a situation where I’ve people around me that expect me to act, to think that I’m in their way and obstructing their life, and they want me to get a move on – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to such circumstances through going into stress, and fear – and worrying about what these other people are going to think of me – whether or whether not they might lash out upon me – whether or whether not they might be happy with me in the end – instead of accepting and allowing myself to focus upon the solution and what I’m able to practically do in order to ameliorate the situation at hand

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stressed out and worried when and as I perceive that I’m in the way of another, or causing another’s momentum to be obstructed – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately react within and as fear, anxiety and worry – believing that I must move myself as fast as possible, as to avoid a conflict, as to avoid the other person becoming angry at me, and lashing out upon me, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my focus and attention upon wanting to satisfy another, wanting to make sure that they aren’t going to in anyway lash out on me, or become angry and nasty with me, not seeing, realizing and understanding that in that I’m missing the solution – missing the practical point of direction that can be taken to correct the situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in stress and fear when and as I believe that others think I’m in their way, and their becoming angry at me – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others becoming angry at me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tighten my body, and harden myself, when and as I perceive that others are becoming angry – thinking that this way I can create a form of shell around me, to push away and redirect any form of negative energy – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how anger isn’t a dangerous poison or force that I must shove away at any and all costs – but that anger is rather a energy and something that can move in me and through me without me being affected by it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to going into a state of physical hardness and inflexibility when and as I perceive that someone is getting annoyed and angry with me – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that this way I’m protecting myself from harm, this way I’m able to make sure that another doesn’t get to me unprepared, and take me by surprise – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotional and fearful – and try to solve and direct the situation in this fear – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the most effective way of dealing with this situation will be me remaining stable – remaining here with and as my human physical body – and me continuing to walk – to apply and direct myself in the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to deal with the situation that is before me effectively, I require to actually let go of the fear, let go of the stress, let go of thinking about what others might think about me, and how others might react towards me – because only then I can actually focus on the situation that is at hand – focus on the point that requires direction – focus on the point that must be moved – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and make sure that I place my attention and presence here in the physical and that I look at what is physically here and what must be practically done – and not going into that stress and anxiety experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that becoming stressed because I worry about how others might react towards me, is a valid stress, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not in the moments when this stressor emerge within me, stop this point, and direct it – but instead allow it to continue, and fester upon me, thinking that being stressed is the only way I’m able to deal with a situation characterized by pressure – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how there are other ways of dealing with pressure, and with difficult situations – realizing that fear and stress is not an effective motivator because they change my thinking, my way of looking at things, make me sloppy and hasty in moving through my life – which causes me to miss points – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to remain stable, and even though the situation is pressurizing – to walk it here within and as my human physical body in stability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I perceive that another is becoming irritated with me because I am obstructing, or not behaving in a way he or she defines to be suitable, to go into wanting to please that person, and make that person happy and satisfied – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately want to make sure that the other person in question feels good again, feels satisfied and happy and content with my actions – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the actions that are in their very nature self-compromising, and that compromises my life and my position – to make sure I save myself from someone becoming angry at me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face the anger and irritation of another within and as stability – within and as physical presence and stability here wherein I hear the words or see the state of another – but I don’t accept and allow myself to react and take it personally – and believe that this state is some form of dangerous state that I must at any cost and price avoid and remove from my world forcefully – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision to face anger within and as stability – to when I notice that a fear emerge – or a stress emerge – to take the opportunity to stabilize myself in my chest area – apply self-forgiveness and release myself from the possession

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into stress, and worry, when I am in a pressured situation, and I perceive that others are expecting me to movie, and to apply myself to sort out the situation as fast as possible, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am in this moment limiting myself and my ability to effectively deal with and sort out the problem that I am facing, because my focus and attention goes to what others think, to fear, to stress, to an experience – instead of my attention being firmly placed here within and as my human physical body – within and as the presence of breathe here; and thus I commit myself re-align my focus to the physical – and re-align my focus to looking at what possible solutions there are that can be applied to direct the situation – and thus keep myself in the physical and not go into the mind – and live the moment from within and as energy

When and as I see that I am going into stress, because I fear that another will become angry, and annoyed with me, because I am not doing something fast or enough, or I am standing in the way of another, obstructing and taking their time, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and I see, realize and understand that through becoming stressed about possible lashing out, and irritations, I’m limiting myself because my focus becomes upon pleasing others, making sure that others don’t respond and react, and in that I miss the physical, miss directing myself here according to what is best for all – to what is see is common sense – and what I see will work effectively; and thus I commit myself to take a breath and to bring myself back here – and place my focus on the physical reality and look for what is common sense – what is best for all – and then walk that point of what is best for all and realize that this point takes priority before someone getting annoyed and angry with me – that what is best for all must come first every time

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