Day 206: Following Plans

Something that tends to stress me out is when I make plans for myself – a particular time where I am supposed to be somewhere, or do something – and then I notice that this plan isn’t going to work for me. That I am going to be to late, or not have time for the scheduled event, or that something else have come up that is a high priority and that must go before my initial plan.

This stresses me out because suddenly there isn’t that systematic and very clear structure in my mind of what I am going to do during my day, how I am going to proceed, what I require to think about, what I can expect do be done at what time and so on. Rather it feels like a blur inside me mind, and as if I am standing before an unknown variable – an unknown play-out – as if I am walking on ice.

I find it interesting because most of the times I do have the time to complete my tasks, and responsibilities, though the times may shift – I may do it later in the evening, the next day, or some other day during the week – though the common theme is that I tend to find time for myself to get done what I must get done. And this is what I’d like to bring through in this blog, that there is no reason to stress or become bewildered solely because I’m not able to follow through on my schedule – because the thing is that physical reality can’t always be scheduled. Something might come up, something might change, something might happen – and in that moment the schedule must take a backseat and I must allow me to improvise.

And I’m actually good at improvising, so it’s strange that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to be able to improvise – its instead as if I’ve placed an exuberant amount of trust in the power of the schedule, in the power of what I should do at what time, and that this must be my main direction at all times – and that as soon as I step out of the safe confines of the schedule – I’m in dangerous waters and must immediately eject myself from the potentially destructive situation.

Thus – what I am going to work with here in this blog is self-trust – and realizing that even though I might not follow my calendar to the tee – it’s not reason to get stressed out and worried – and I can rather deal with the situations as they emerge – and direct them in such a way that will be beneficial for everyone that is involved.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stressed out and worried when I’ve a schedule to follow and I notice that I am not able to follow that schedule, and that I’m falling or lagging behind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate this situation with stress, and anxiety – and that something is wrong, and bad – and that I must immediately get myself back on track through saving my time, and spurting, to get back into the schedule – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself outside of the schedule – and trust myself that I will get done what I’ve set out to do – though maybe not in the time that I’ve scheduled for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that having a schedule should be like an assistance and support for me to structure and design my day so that it’s practical and effective – and that it shouldn’t be a mental blockage and an idea that I must follow this schedule to the tea, and that as soon as I deviate, something is deadly wrong and must immediately be corrected and placed back into working order – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stressed out at the beginning of my day – when looking at what must be done – what commitments must walked – what responsibilities must be handled – in fear that I won’t be able to keep up with my schedule

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to keep up with my schedule, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the schedule my god – and my point of self-trust – and place into the schedule that which I am not giving to myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as self-trust, and stand as the point of god in myself and my world – wherein I do act on what I see is best for me – and best for all – and move myself in the starting point of being practical and getting done that which I’ve set out to do – and not accepting and allowing myself to compromise and hold back through allowing emotions to dictate who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it a habit of going into stress in the morning when I see my mental schedule before me – and when I perceive that I am lagging behind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I do notice that I lag behind – and that there is an important point that I don’t get the time to direct – then I can simply make time for that point through making sure that I give myself time later during that day – or later when I do see and notice that I have some time for myself that I’m able to spend on whatever it is that I want to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it a habit to be stressed when I’m not able to follow plans and ideas in my mind of what I should do – when I should do it – and how I should do it – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the momentum and flow of the physical – as accepting and allowing myself to move with what is here – to move with time instead of chasing time – to trust myself that I will in every moment of breath be able to deal with time – walk with time – and do what is necessary to be done in time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in regards to my studies and my work – be stressed out that it’s taking too much time – and that I too little time to perfect these points – and really make them effective and specific – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead walk the point of studies and work in self-trust – in when this fear comes up – and when the thoughts come up that I don’t have sufficient amount of time – to remind myself that I can always gift myself more time if I see that this is required – and that at the moment there is no cross-reference indicating that I place too little time in the point – and thus no requirement for me to change my investment – and that I can thus walk the point without stress and fear – and rather trust myself to use the time at my disposal as effectively and specifically as possible

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect stress energy and anxiety to not following my plans and my calendar – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself – in terms of thinking that without a calendar – without a specific and exact knowledge of my future and how things are going to pan out – I’m hopelessly lost on the seas of change – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define myself as not being sufficiently stable and enabled to stand in a position of stability and movement even though I’m not absolutely sure as to what might come in the future – and what shape and form it might take

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect my mornings and my hours of waking up to stress and anxiety – wherein I imagine within my mind the entire day as it’s going to play out – and what I am going to do – how I’m going to do it – what needs to be done – what requires to be pushed and so forth – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a anxiety towards this point – and believe that only because I’ve many things planned – and that there are requirements for me to fulfill – that I then require to go into stress and move myself in stress – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to complete one thing at a time – to do one thing at a time – to move one point after another and to thus not try to skip some steps through stressing about without any sense of stability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect following a plan and a schedule to stress and anxiety – and thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I require stress in order to keep to my schedule – that I require stress in order to keep my direction and momentum – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is a misunderstanding of what it is means to actually move myself – because self-movement in itself doesn’t require stress – doesn’t require energy – doesn’t require a schedule – as I have everything here in order to move myself – thus I see, realize and understand that the point missing within me is self-trust – and self-trust is what I require to develop and stand as in order to be able to move myself with stability and confidence in my world wherein there is no fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with times and calendars – plans and goals – to the extent where I’ve allowed myself to loose my groundedness and the realization that my life is actually HERE – that my point of power and creation is actually within and as each and every moment of breath – and that it’s not something that comes through in stress, anxiety and being inflexible and dogmatic with my calendars – and decisions for the future – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to in regards to moving myself in this life – to do that within and as self-trust and self-confidence – to deal with each moment as it arise – as it comes into my world and reality – and trust myself that I’ll be able to direct it specifically and effectively

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into thinking about my day in terms of a whole, and a massive amount of responsibilities that I’ll probably not be able to fulfill, and that I’ll miss something – and I within that notice me enticing and starting up a system of stress – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this system of stress is in-fact created by me through seeing the whole of my day in-front me – instead of seeing what requires to be done HERE – and then moving myself to deal with and direct that point here – and thus I commit myself to push myself to deal with one moment at a time – to look at what requires to be done here and then do it – and not imagine myself into the future – and look at what must possibly be done somewhere out there – somewhere in the future – but stick to my guns that are here and move myself with breath in every moment

When and as I se that I am going into a state of stress because I fear that I am going to not be able to follow through on my schedules – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that a schedule is only a point of support and structure – for me to be able to more effectively use my time and manage my responsibilities throughout a day – and that it doesn’t define WHO I AM – and that thus – not being able to follow a schedule isn’t in itself super-bad – rather it means that I’ve not taken some points into account – and that I require to deal with the moment that is here and thus deviate from my schedule – and thus I commit myself to deal with this situation as it emerge – and to stand in breath and in the moment and direct the point without going into my mind and looking at the situation from an emotional starting point – rather I stick with what is here – work with what requires to be done and moved here – what requires to be completed here

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