So, the context was the following: I’ve decided to move back to the town where I grew and settle in with my mother on our family farm – today I had a thought come up in regards to this prospect that contained this moaning – drop – experience. The essence of the thought was: “What if it’s boring to live there?” – and the energy experience that accompanied the thought was a sense of dullness and weariness.
What I could see was that this point is in-fact a form of self-sabotage – because what I do in participating with this thought and emotion – is that I blame my environment for not being as stimulating and satisfying as I want it to be – and I thus expect my environment to create me – I expect my surroundings to facilitate and develop me. And this is obviously limiting – because here I will forever search for some perfect environment that will fulfill my ideas – and I won’t push myself to actually create that point of interest – to ask myself – what gifts DOES my world hold? What is it here that I can learn? That is just here before my eyes, and that I can take with me?
For example with my mother, and living on the farm, there are tons of things I’m able to learn – I can learn more about animals, more about handcrafting, and being practical, dealing with more physical labor, I can learn cooking, baking – and I can do more outdoor things living so close to nature. Do when I approached the point from the starting point of a emotion – this dullness and weariness – I couldn’t see those gifts – see the cool points and opportunities of self-creation that was right before me all along.
Thus – a correction that I am now going to apply – is that when I notice I judge my environment or surroundings for apparently not facilitating my self-creation and life – I stop – and I ask myself instead – what are the gifts here? What can I CREATE with what is here? What are the potentials, the opportunities, the prospects that I can expand and move? So, instead of seeing my world in the color of emotion – stopping myself – and looking at what is the gifts? What are the potential of creation?
And this I would say is the core of what it means to create yourself – it means to take active responsibility – to work with what is HERE and to CREATE with what is here – to stop hoping that the future will bring anything, stop hoping that my environment will move points into my world, stop hoping that my life will come to me – and instead actively CREATE and BUILD it – that is real self-empowerment – and that is real JOY – to live as a creator – and create life in real time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge living with my mother, and living on a farm as being dull, mundane and wearisome – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this aspect and part of life – instead of seeing what potential there are for self-creation – what potential there is for life to be birthed – what I can do to enrich my life and the lives of others HERE – looking at what I can push – how I can move and direct myself to create added value – instead of expecting it to turn up on my door step
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother, and the farm for causing this experience in me of dullness and weariness – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this blame is locking me into a state of not seeing that I am the creator – and that when I accept myself and my general self-experience as being dull and weary – then that is what I am going to create – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself out of this experience – and push myself to create my life – to enhance my life – to create added value – to see the potentials and the gifts that are here – and thus not anymore remain in a state of blame
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take charge of my life and my future – through asking myself how I’m able to substantiate and build my life HERE – and thus not anymore look at my environment or my future to bring me this state of fulfillment and added value – but realize that I must stand as that point – and that I’m able to align myself with this point regardless of where I am – that it’s not a matter of where I’m but how I approach things – how I see things – and that I can actually train and practice myself to see the gifts and the potentials of a environment or relationship – and then push myself to create these potentials
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this experience that comes up within me – that something is limited, or that something is too small, and insignificant, and doesn’t offer me enough challenges, or moments of expansion – to not see how this is self-sabotage – because in-fact I’m responsible for my own growth – for creating my life to be expansive – to be enjoyable – to be fascinating – to be creative and to walk the potentials that open up in my life and in my world into creation – and into actual fulfillment and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself – through holding unto this belief that apparently my world should change and offer me that point of creation – not realizing that I must actively stand as – and will myself to ask – what is the potential here? What can I create here? What can I build, form and shape here? And how can I add value to my own life and the lives of others?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my life to open up, to wait for opportunities to unfold, to wait for a process of creation to begin, to wait for life, instead of me actively willing, and creating my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how my life can become so much more – when I accept and allow myself to see the opportunities and the gifts that are here – and what I can create, pursue, and build with my life here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not open up my eyes and see that gifts that are right in-front of me – and embrace these gifts – walk them and create them into the physical
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I’m able to give myself some very cool points of direction in my life that will assist and support not only me – but also others in my life – and that thus – I don’t require to wait for things to unfold – but I can instead take direction and push for points to come into creation – to design my own life manifesto of who I am – and where I am going – in the personal – interpersonal and existential level of creation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the decision I’ve made to go to the farm – to embrace this decision and walk with the point unconditionally – to not attempt and try anymore to fight it – but rather walk with it – and make it mine – and make it mine through actively looking for gifts and potentials that I can create and manifest through this adventure – to look where I’m able to learn – where I’m able to contribute – where there are gifts that I can develop and expand upon – and thus instead of wanting and wishing to be somewhere else – make the absolute most of what is here in my life in this very moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my process of creation must take place HERE – that my process of building and shaping myself in my life must be walked HERE – that I can’t wait for life – I can’t hope that life will unfold – I must create it – I must will into the physical and thus stand as the point – as the searchlight – that constantly looks for new ways – new paths – where I can expand – where I can move – where I can direct myself to add value – to enhance and to gift life to myself as well as others
When and as I see that I am going into a state of blaming my environment, and thinking that my environment is responsible for causing me to feel limited, and less expansive, and as having less opportunities to build a life for myself – I stop – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that the real potential of creation and the real potential of creating a life for myself exists HERE – within and as my human physical body – within and as my physical world that is HERE with me in this moment – HERE are the potentials for self-creation – they are not out there somewhere in the future – they are here in my world – and it’s thus my responsibility to see them – to find the gifts – and then to walk the gifts into creation; and thus I commit myself to when this experience of blame and a thought of dropping – and standing back comes up within me – to then say NO – and look at what are the gifts, what are the potentials, what am I able to create for myself in this life, in this moment, where I am at right now? And thus walk the process of taking these gifts into creation