Day 213: The s(M)mothering-construct

Lately I’ve been seeing the effects of a particular behavior and way of being that I’ve created throughout the years – and this is the s(M)othering-construct – where I literally smother myself and/or others through a very strict idea of what is right, and what is wrong – what is good and what is bad – what is correct and what is incorrect.

The main problem I’ve seen is the way that I approach my own as well as others mistakes, because when a mistake, or mishap happen, I tend to judge, blame, and the enforce a correction – implement the ‘right’ way of doing things. For example, let’s say I’ve been eating something that doesn’t go with my body very well, and I get a stomach ache because of it – then my automated way of dealing with this is to be hard on myself, and demand that I do what is ‘right’ – and thus not anymore eat that kind of food.

What happens when I approach mistakes, mishaps and weaknesses in this way is that I never go in any depth, I don’t actually discover what’s behind the point, and what has created it – instead the point is just plain wrong and it must be turned around to be right. Though, this also poses difficulties, because often then I don’t know really what is wrong, and what is supposedly right, and then my corrective application will be sporadic, and not grounded and clear in purpose.

Thus – there are obvious benefits with LEARNING to understand – to observe without judgments, without rights and wrongs, with correct and incorrect – because then I’m able to see what’s behind it all. For example, with criminals, many judge those as being absolutely wrong, distasteful and reprehensible individuals – yet there is a clear WHY behind such criminals – and that is most often a lack of money. That same principle of seeing the WHY that exists behind the HOW in myself and others on a more personal level – thus the best effects will come through when allowing myself to UNDERSTAND and GET TO KNOW others – instead of indiscriminately judging them for not fitting my ideals, and ideas of what is right and wrong.

Obviously the same goes for me – I also must accept and allow myself to when a reaction or a thought come up within me, or when I do a mistake or see a weakness I’ve created – instead of pushing it aside – apparently ‘changing’ it and thinking that I’m then ‘done’ – to accept and allow myself to ask WHY? Where are you coming from reaction, and what are you doing here? Thus accepting and allowing myself to understand my creation – in that empowering me to stand up and make definitive changes that will assist and support me as well as others in my life.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and another for a reaction that comes up, a personality that activates, or a action that is taken that isn’t what is best for all – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this as a way of motivating myself to change – where I will judge myself and what I do as being wrong, or bad – and then in that enforce a change and a direction into what is right – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am in that disallowing myself from actually understanding and comprehending the point – and seeing from where this point is coming – and also why it is that I am creating what I am creating

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that understanding a point is a necessary prerequisite for being able to effectively change a point – and that without understanding – what is going to take place will be more of a suppression – where the apparently ‘wrong’ point will be pushed down and pushed away – and another ‘right’ behavior take it’s place – though the actual starting point will not be understood and changed – and thus the essence of who I will still remain the same – a slave to energy and experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for reacting, for going into a personality, and for having certain patterns that are very persistent, and that I experience as being difficult to change – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through judging myself – actually hinder and stop myself from being able to see the mechanics behind a point – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be more gentle and inquisitive with regards to discovering and uncovering the truth and the real nature of myself – seeing, realizing and understanding that I will only ever get to the bottom if I accept and allow myself to unconditionally see, and walk through what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply a technique, where I will, when seeing that I compromise myself in terms of accepting and allowing myself to become emotional, go into a reaction, or a personality, to apply the bulldozer method, where I will just say to myself that ‘I am going to change that point!’ – though in that not being absolutely clear on what I am changing within myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the time, and patience to walk a process of preparation with self-forgiveness, and if I have the time, also writing about the point – realizing that in doing this I’m actively investigating the WHY of a point – and getting to an understanding of HOW it functions – and thus more specifically what I require to change and direct in order to move myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach others, and their difficulties, and weaknesses, with judgment, where I want them to change, and change immediately, using the bulldozer technique, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is not how I effectively effectuate change in my world – because in using the bulldozer technique I will more force others to be the way that I want them to be, and there won’t be an understanding, and realization in the other as to why they move as they do, as to why a particular starting point, direction or application is not effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the priority of my application when assisting and supporting others – to empower them to become self-realized – and realize that this is the important point to convey – that the change in physical application is important – yet what is even more important is that the starting point of that change is clear and comes from within and as a point of self-realization – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move and support others from within and as judgment – instead of accepting and allowing myself to be unconditional

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to not as I am about to assist and support another with a point, or as I am considering to do this, to take a breath, to slow down, and to look within me, so that there is no reaction, or movement inside – but that I am clear – here – specific – and ready to unconditionally give to another – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I accept and allow just a slight movement within me – such as a judgment – the support will be compromised and it will not be aligned with the individualsthat is in-front of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that assistance and support can only ever be effective when there is no judgment – where there is no right and wrong – when there is no holding unto the past taking place – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice this point of when I am speaking with another – and want to show them a point – to make sure that I am clear – that I’m not driven to go there by thoughts or emotions – but that the point is unconditional – that it holds no stigma or bias – but that I am merely unconditionally giving to another a tool of empowerment so that they can stand up and make their lives more effective and potent

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I’m going into a judgment, and I want to move myself to assist and support either myself or another to change, and alter, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this movement is fueled by a judgment – which is actually a fear coming from a moral reasoning that reacting, being in a state of personality, or mind is bad – and must be immediately suppressed and fought – and thus I commit myself to instead in that moment relax – to slow down – and allow myself to investigate, be inquisitive about, and understand this particular system that I am facing – and thus take on the point of self-correction when I know what I am facing and what the solution to the point in-fact is

When and as I see that I’ve got a movement within me, of wanting to correct, and make others do the right thing, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this point of wanting others to do the right thing is in-fact a fear possession – where I don’t accept and allow myself to see that when just forcing others to do what I see is right – they won’t actually learn anything, they won’t in-fact and by their own volition motivate and move themselves – they won’t create a relationship with themselves but merely be a follower – and thus I commit myself to support others to stand independently – and do that through without judgments of right and wrong – and assist and support others to realize and move beyond their limitations – and thus not make it about morality – rather have the starting point of giving to another what I’d like to receive

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