Day 217: Fear of loosing my job

Fear of being FIRED – this a point that came up today and I will look closer on it in this blog.

Thus – for context: I’m working a distance job – and in order to register the time I’ve put into my work I log on to a website and type in what service I’ve given and for how long. This usually performs without any hiccups – yet today – there was suddenly an issue – I couldn’t log in to my account.

This then triggered the thought within me of: “Oh no! I’m probably fired! They don’t want me anymore!” – and this initial thought was fueled by some memories of how some weeks ago I didn’t perform a certain service as effectively as I was able to do. Thus – fear came emerged – and then the train of thought continued.

From the initial thought of “Oh no I will be fired” it then progressed into imagining what kind of effects this could potentially have for the rest of my life and career in this type of business – would anyone ever hire me again after? Could I still use this employer as a reference when I applied for new jobs, or would only be able get a statement saying “Under no circumstances should you hire this person!” – thus an entire life panned out in my head – with apparently vast and disastrous consequences for my future.

So – it’s interesting to see how fear works, and also how the mind use various strings of information to tailor a story that seems reasonable – and that is intended to entice more reactions – more fear – more anxiety – thus making some in reality totally unrelated events – completely interdependent and life changing.

Though – the matter of fact is that I have NO idea why I couldn’t log in to register my times. I’ve no idea what my employer thinks of me and how he considers the work that I’ve done with regards to the mistakes I made some weeks ago – my entire image of fear is based on one thing – ASSUMPTION – and even though it would be real – it’s a total exaggeration that my entire career and future in this business would be forever destroyed – I mean – if that would be the case – that you could only ever do one mistake in your career before you’re shunned from the entire system of money – then NOBODY would have a job – and NOBODY would be able develop their career – because failure and mistakes are a natural and unavoidable part of living.

Rather – an effective way of handling this situation would’ve been to breathe – and await the response of my employer – to see what the problem might be – and if it’s indeed so that I’m fired – to then start looking for solutions and how I can direct the situation – finding what ways and opportunities I’m able to utilize to move forward instead of going into a paralyzing and unnecessary fear that doesn’t do me any good in terms of handling what is before me.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear that I will loose my job and loose my income – and loose my future in terms of money and career – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become and exist within and as a state of worry that I will not be able to sustain myself and those closest to my in my coming life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine and project before me a worst possible outcome – where I project this idea that I will have a enormous difficulty attaining a job – and I will probably not be able to sustain myself in this life and create a career for myself – because I’m not able and sufficiently effective to satisfy the needs of a potential employer – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear towards making money – and developing a career for myself in the system – and believing that my entire life is and will be dependent upon this point of me getting effective referrals from this particular employer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see things in black and white – to believe that failing in this one job will have disastrous consequences for my entire future – and that there will be nothing I’m able to do in order to correct and direct the situation – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear – in-fact a form of self-distrust – thinking that I don’t have the necessary skills and abilities to deal with and direct my life in a effective manner – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to fear – instead of standing stable within and as my human physical bodybreathing – and directing myself to deal with my life here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within this inner polarity with regards to money and work – where I on the one hand foresee a future where I’ve the perfect employment – the perfect job – the perfect life overall – and on the one hand – me having no job whatsoever – and that it’s impossible for me to find a job and create a living for myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize my future through seeing it through two extreme outflows as either extremely positive – or extremely negative – as either having the perfect life – or having the least desirable life that can be lived

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I can’t make a career – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in having a career – to place value in having a job and in earning money – and believe that the amount of money that I earn – and the position of the job that I have will determine who I am – and it will determine my effectiveness in this world with regards to creating my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my creative powers in relation to money and job – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that my creative powers will not be limited by the job I have – but that I am the determining factor as to how I will stand in relation to self-creation in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself through believing that I’m only as good as – and only as effective as the amount of money that I have – or the type of job that I have – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I’m severely limiting my prospects and possibilities through defining all of myself and my creative potential in relation to the type of job that I have and the amount of money that I earn – instead of bringing the point of creation back to and as myself – and seeing, realizing and understanding that it will be up to me to create myself – that it will be up to me to fulfill myself – that it will be up to me to make the decisions as to who I am and what I will create with my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pan out in my mind this long story of how me loosing this job will affect the rest of my entire life – that it will limit all of my options and my continued existence severely and that there will be nothing I can do about it – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this perspective of life is in-fact totally ineffective – how it’s also not true – because I will be here with myself all of my life – and that in every moment – every day – there are possibilities and opportunities and gifts for me to expand – for me to move myself – for me to create myself and my life – and that thus – I can’t hold unto this very limiting idea that apparently all of my and my future will be determined by these external events – rather I see, realize and understand that I must trust myself – and realize that I am the creator of my life and not my job and not my money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I would enter into a future consisting of the worst case scenario – that I would be hopeless and helpless to change and alter the situation – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I will be able to change and direct my life – and move my life in an effective direction and look for solutions – to walk into solutions and ways to solve problems – and that this is a ability that I can cultivate and always have with me regardless of how things play out in my life – and that I know that I will steadfastly walk to find solutions – not flinch or hesitate or give up – but rather say to myself that I will move – I will direct myself – I will walk through this and create my life regardless of what I’m facing

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into fear towards the future, because I fear that I will face a future where I loose money and career, and opportunities, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I determine my future – that I decide my life – that it’s not my career, my job or my money that will be my primary assets – it’s WHO I AM – and thus I commit myself to in that moment stop – and say – okay if I face this future – I will stand by myself – I will continue to walk and I will find solutions – and I will not give up upon myself or my life – I will instead motivate myself to create myself and realize that I’ve the power to do that

When and as I see that I am going into fear and anxiety over loosing my job, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that loosing my job is possible in this world – though that shouldn’t be what determines who I am – and what I do in this life – because obviously the primary point of creation in my life is WHO I AM – it’s who I decide to be and approach life and situations that I am facing – thus I commit myself to embrace the possibility that I might loose my job – yet in that stand stable – and say to myself – and live the point – that if I do – I trust myself to direct my life to find a solution that is effective and best for all – to not give up or give in to fear – but to move myself and establish myself in life

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