Day 222: Easily Swayed

When I make decisions about what I’m going to do, I notice that I’ve a tendency to be easily swayed and turned around – there isn’t much required for me to go back on a decision, or begin to doubt myself, and then go completely into this doubt, and change my decision completely. It’s an interesting process to follow, because I can do extensive research, place all the pro’s and con’s before me, look at who I am in relation to the point – and with great detail define my decision and through that find the most effective route for me to go. But THEN – when someone tells me that it’s a bad decision, or that I’ve missed dimensions, I’ll many times turn 180 degrees, and then without much thought align with the perspective another is conveying.

The consequence of this pattern is that I create a lot of unnecessary work for myself, and also much needless doubt and anxiety, because the fact of the matter is that I was quite certain and assured within my initial decision. Though due to me doubting myself what happens is that I go through a process of fumbling around with a new decision, thinking about the ins and outs, to then again return to my initial decision, as I realize that this was in-fact the best route for me to go.

Thus what I want to practice and establish within myself is self-reliance, and self-trust – and that when a new perspective is shared with me – that instead of me immediately turning 180 – I instead consider the new information within the stability of breath, that I look at it, and see how it fits in, whether it was a dimension that I had not initially looked at effectively, and whether some tweaks are required. Because it’s not effective to just abandon my decision – since that decision is more often than not effective – though there might be some dimensions that I’ve not considered and that I’ve missed that I require to align.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn 180 in a decision that I’ve made when I get exposed to new information, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself, fear trusting my assessment, and fear trusting the decision that I’ve made – and want to instead rely on another for making a more correct assessment and having a better and more clear perspective on the point than what I’ve – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand this self-mistrust, and instability in my decisions is something that creates consequences for me in my life and in my future – because I will shift, and turn, backwards and forwards, instead of looking at the new information within the stability of breath here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I must have the courage to trust my own perspectives, my own discernment, my own process of making a decision, and look back at how I made the decision, the effort and energy I placed into it, and from that see that I do have sufficient on my feet to be able to trust myself and stand with my decision and that there is no need to turn a 180 and go back on myself and my initial assessment of the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rely on others in believing that they are more right than me, and also because I fear making a stand, walking a decision, in believing that the decision I’m about to make might be flawed in some way, and that I will then have to face the consequences of a faulty and ineffective decision – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I’m creating consequences for myself by me not daring to take a stand, daring to stand by my decisions, by my assessment, and have the courage to face and walk into my decision and the consequences I’ve created for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to stand within and as courage to face the consequences of my decisions, and to see, realize and understand that I’m able to learn something from a bad decision as well, and that it’s in-fact more effective for me to be stable within the decision I’ve made and within stability consider the new information that is here, and from within and as that stability of breath consider whether there are alignments required to be made within my decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a self-doubt and become possessed with this self-doubt when there is new information coming into my life that requires me to again look at a decision that I’ve made, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead, when doubt comes up within me, to in stability look at the new information, to re-assess my position and see whether there are alignments to be made, and to make it practical – through practically looking at the point and what might be out of alignment and then change and re-direct these points within and as practicality – thus using doubt practically instead of making it a point that becomes a possession

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as self-doubt instead of changing doubt practically, through when and as doubt comes up within me, to see it as an opportunity and gift to re-assess my position with regards to a decision or direction that I’ve taken – to look at it practically and see whether there is something that I’ve missed – and do this instead of going into a doubt possession and remaining within and as this doubt possession

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can’t give others to responsibility to make decisions for me and my life, because they’ve not gone through the process of consideration that I’ve – and thus they have another perspective – yet I can’t completely throw away the process I’ve walked only because there is another perspective entering my life – rather I must take that perspective and look at what I’m able to learn from it – and whether there is in-fact something missing in my current decision and way of approaching something in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to go into a doubt possession – and become completely lost in this doubt – I’m in-fact creating consequences for myself and making life more ineffective – because I’m going back on points that I’d already settled within myself, thus making my life to be many ups and downs – instead of me standing in stability – standing here within and as breath – looking at the information and then within and as self-direction seeing whether there are some practical changes and alignments that are required to be made

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into doubt and anxiety, thinking that a decision I’ve made might be wrong, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and I see, realize and understand that if I accept and allow myself to go completely into this doubt I will create consequences for myself and possibly go back on decisions that I’ve made – and directions I’ve settled upon in relation to my future – and thus I commit myself to stop, breathe, and practically use this doubt through re-assessing my decision within and as the stability of breath, to see whether there is something I’ve missed, something I’ve not considered, something which I require to look at and align – and then if required make the decisions or else simply let the point go – and trust myself that I’ve considered the point and looked at it effectively

When and as I go into doubt, want to rely upon another to make decisions for me, and to see the point that is before me, as to where I am going to go with myself, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I can’t rely upon others to know where I am going and where I should go, this must be something that I establish and create for myself, and I can use others to cross-reference and use as a sparring partner, though I can’t let everything be on them to show me what is an effective decision for me – and thus I commit myself to take responsibility for my decisions, and to live the courage of walking into consequence – the consequences that I’ve created and manifested through the decisions I’ve made – and thus stand with a straight back and trust myself that I’ll be able to walk it through and learn from it – and grow from it

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